WWYD - DH putting idea of holiday above family

[Bambam60]

I've just had a massive argument with DH becuase he's desperate to go on an exotic holiday next year (just me and him) and I'm not sure I want to leave our DS. When he wants to go, our DS will be 2 and a half. I have no experience with kids as DS is my first, but I feel at that age he will understand we've gone and be really upset by it! Or not, but the point is he could be and I don't want to take that risk. I'd also miss him terribly so I just don't think I'd enjoy it.

My parents would happily look after him, but I also don't want to put that burden on them. I can imagine looking after a toddler for close to 2 weeks is not easy?!

To put things into a bit of perspective, my DH absolutely loves to travel and any chance he gets he's researching destinations for us to go to. It's how we lived pre-baby and he just can't seem to adapt to not living life that way now.

Anyway, I feel really upset by what DH has said and I just want to see how others would react to this. When I said I didn't think this would be a good idea and suggested other lovely holidays we could go on where we could take DS, he said no he doesn't want to have to wait to go on this holiday. Then he said "fine I'll just go on my own then". So I said "you mean you would rather go away on your own for 2 weeks to the destination you want then go on holiday with your family to somewhere else". I asked him this 3 times because I was so shocked that yes he absolutely would?!!

And then, to top it off, he said if he can't go away then I can't have a second child. Was not joking!!

It's just so manipulative and selfish. I feel like my feelings do not matter here at all and he basically tries to pressure me into things that make him happy but are in complete conflict with how I want to raise our son :(

It's a real shame he isn't able to listen to your concerns and shutting you down. Because on the whole you are on the same page - you both love travelling and you both agreed to test a child free holiday.

I assume your partner gets his energy to deal with every-day life from travelling, I can relate to this. It sounds like he desperately pushes for this specific holiday, and if he did it in a more reasonable way you would probably be on board.

In a way though it's wonderful that you are both adventurous travellers, my partner isn't so I do a lot of my trips alone / with friends.

Why don't you commit to the holiday but ask him to wait with the booking till after your child free test holiday? So if one of you changes your minds after the test holiday, you can reconsider.

Even if he goes about the booking decision making completely wrong, there is something to cherish about his hunger and energy for unconventional travel.

FWIW I was married to a similar man who put his hobbies and own needs way above mine and DCs. I actually thought he would change after we had DCs but it was exactly the same. I wouldn't want a second child with your H because it will be more of the same for the rest of your life.

I don't understand why you say he's a great dad when he so clearly isn't.
It's time for a candid chat. If he doesn't want family life then you need to split up.
He sounds like a controlling selfish arse to me.

If he can't have the regular exotic childfree holidays he wants, OP can't have a second child.

If that is really what he said, you've married a selfish arsehole who should never have had a child in the first place.

He views the child(ren) and issues there are your problem OP while he just want his life to remain unchanged essentially.

I feel sorry for the child you already have with him. I wouldn't want another one with him.

old sarcasm. And the fact that the mere possibility of the idea would completely throw him.