For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

Go to the website listentotaxman and see how much money DH would actually have in the bank each month after tax. It's might only be a couple hundred more depending on tax brackets.

More chance of further increase in private sector. Public sector is no longer the job for life it once was. He should go and do a trial day and see what it is really like.

If he’s on £46k there are plenty of rungs in the ladder to climb in the public sector.... probably 3 more senior managers between him and Chief Exec.

@Icanflyhigh I've done the same recently - left a 70-80k package role with loads of travel....... lovely seeing the Eiffel Tower out your hotel room windows but I'd rather see DD and DH at the weekend rather than my Sunday plans being SNAFU'D with a last minute flight and meeting.

Skint but quality of life so much better.

I have not RTWT, but I am pretty certain that the hours will work out to be actually a lot more in the private sector. I’ve done both, and have friends in both. DH has a very similar job to me but in the private sector. Private sector job “officially” 40 hours a weeks, in reality 60+ . Public sector job is 37 hours a week - but is actually 148 hours every 4 weeks, so long days are offset by short days- and actually is those hours.

It is not your decision. Your DH is not responsible for your keep, why do you think he is? Double your working hours if you want more money.

@Trooperslaneagain I couldn't agree more.
I had some wonderful times eating at the Gherkin and The Shard, and some amazing trips to far flung places, but it was always work. Never any down time, and I want to enjoy all these places with my DCs and DP.

Quality of life is so much improved now, we go off for day trips and I don't have to worry about planning and preparation for work.

We have enough to get by, a lovely house and a fairly decent car. I'm happy with that.

Senior management roles in the private sector aren’t all miserable. My DH is on well over £100K with lots of working from home, takes all his holidays etc. If you have a good team you can work hard but also have a good work-life balance.

You don't get something for nothing....be careful what their expectations are. It's his choice to make and not yours,

My husband is all about the money, thank God because God knows I'll never have the motivation or drive to make any of it,

So you are happy to have no financial independence and be a kept woman ? What will you do if he leaves you ?

For me it’s a timing thing. At the dh stage a good time to earn all you can then get a less demanding job when you have a young family. We both went for it in the city earned all we could then walked away when we had babied I went from £90k to zero and dh took a third salary cut cashed in our chips and left London but had banked enough for good life.

Why are so many assuming the husband is planning to stay in his current job forever?

If he’s been headhunted, I guess it means he wasn’t actively looking himself.

Maybe he will change his mind in 5 years time, he is still young and if the fields is so in demand, he can always find something else.

I also think the new terms sound too good to be true.

My ex husband works in a highly paid job. Good salary plus bonus. Officially his hours are 40 hours a week, but in reality when the salary is that high there is no such thing as overtime, it is expected that you put in the extra hours because you’re being paid for it. And those who don’t conform are the first to look redundancy in the face, and often don’t progress elsewhere either because in these high powered corporate sector jobs more often than not it’s not what you know but who you know.

He’s in the office at 8 and home by 6. But in truth he is often logged in from home a couple of hours before 8 and still working at 9/10 at night as the company has offices in the states and the Far East so open at both ends of the working day.

And that’s before he has to travel abroad several times a year.

But on the face of it he works a 40 hours a week job for a ££££££ salary.

@TeachesOfPeaches we’ve already done that before even considering taking the job. He’ll be taking home an extra £1,700 pcm... which in our minds is really quite significant.

We both went for it in the city earned all we could then walked away when we had babied I went from £90k to zero and dh took a third salary cut cashed in our chips and left London but had banked enough for good life.
Doesnt work out that way for most people. Unless op lives in an expensive area and wants to move to a cheap area, paying off the mortgage wont achieve that.

And if he earns well in job he loves and only has to do his actual hours, why would he need to take a pay cut he can work in a job he loves and be there with the kids

That’s much more than a 38% payrise then?!

Me and my partner have both had the chance to earn more money in the private sector and both decided not to. I had the chance to double my salary plus bonuses about 15 years ago and he could probably at least double his too.

Neither of us wanted to leave the relative security of our jobs for industries where things are far more precarious and neither of us were interested in corporate careers.

Our morals and values would stop us seeking jobs in the sectors where we could make the most cash and I'm happy with that.
We didn't even particularly like our jobs that much but knew that the culture and expectations would change massively and we weren't/aren't up for that sacrifice.

I left the private sector originally because I hated the culture, the lifestyle and a lot of the people if I'm honest.

I had a friend who made the jump and she was miserable. Long hours, huge pressure and the extra money didn't seem worth it after a while.
We carried on working 37 hours a week with a few extra hours now and again which we claimed back quickly. Much better work life balance and whilst we'll never be rich that isn't the most important thing for either of us.

We're both in slightly different jobs now but most of the above still applies.

I'd be very careful at pushing someone to leave their job and go to something they don't want. Not everyone has the same priorities and work life balance, a happy team and a job you like is worth far far more than any huge payrise. And if it all goes tits up, he will resent you. I would.

He’ll be taking home an extra £1,700 pcm... which in our minds is really quite significant.

Then start 9lanning to earn an extra £1700 a month.

Its significant. But not enough to give up a good work/life balance. You want it, go get it

Unless he’s on a salary now of around £110k and his 38% take him to £150k?

I would honestly rather have a happy husband than a burnt out miserable one who earns a few extra quid, and he would want the same for me. It's easy to be blinded by the extra money, but as others have said, perhaps you could try and get a job which pays more if it's important to you. If he wasn't working and wasn't willing to take on a fair and well paid job offer that would be different, but he earns a decent amount already so must be contributing.

That's a big increase and I can see how tempting that it but your sole focus shouldn't be on chasing the cash. As others have said, if it's more important for you then maybe you should find a way to increase your earnings.

Honestly, the differences between private and public sectors are huge and it could be a massive shock for both of you. Think carefully before pushing this and support him to make the best choice for him as well as your bank balance.

He’ll be taking home an extra £1,700 pcm... which in our minds is really quite significant.

I'm confused by the figures I thought he was currently on 46k

Question is, are £1700 per month worth that you won’t see him anymore monday-friday plus part of the weekend? that sort of salary comes with a price, and ut will be 60+ hours work per week and likely toxic climate

Why the doom and gloom about change? Won’t necessarily be an awful new job sounds like he has a skill that is valued. I was basically doing exactly the same job when I moved but for twice the money in fancier offices with a larger team. Seemed mad to me not to move personally. Don’t most people move jobs a few times? People are so scared and cautious! Change is good.

OP how would you feel if he says

'Yeah I am going to take it. But since we dont have kids and you are financially independent. I want to ring fence anything extra I pay off the mortgage and the additional income is mine. Not joint. I need to see a solicitor. I dont see why I should fund the lifestyle that you want, I dont want it, when you have picked a career with much more earning limits, when we have kids I roll make sure they have everything and invest it in their names.'

Would you be happy seeing much less of him if it didnt give you the lifestyle you want?

You are essentially reducing his worth to earn, down to what he earns. Doesnt matter if he is happy, doesnt matter if you see less of him, he is more stressed, more pressure, less down time for himself. As long as you have the income you want.

@Pollyspocketrocket
Pollyspocketrocket

go and find yourself a 68% pay increase

You say that as though everyone has the same opportunity and unfortunately a pay increase of that size is just not something which is going to be offered to me in the field of work I’m in.

In which case retrain and find yourself a career where you will rather than rely on your dh .
Why is it down to him?