For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

criminally unambitious wtf- when did not going after money become a crime?

money is the purest form of satisfaction - not to everyone. Obviously being skint is miserable but happiness and good working relationships are more important to some people. After a certain point all money can get you is more stuff.

Gosh I’d be pushing for him to take it too.. life changing amount of money!

It’s not life changing money. It’s life enhancing money in a household that already has an income close to six figures.

Leaving a place you love is hard. There has to be some benefit beyond money. If the job offers the same as his current one, but with more stress, I can't see why you would jump. If it was say closer to home, or had some other draw, then maybe I'd say go for it.

Money is the purest form of satisfaction

Jesus, I had to read that several times just to make sure I hadn’t misread it. So pleased there are a lot of people who don’t believe that. Society would be well and truly fucked.

The household already brings in £100k, what difference is an extra £30k really going to make, practically? They already have the money to do their big shops at Waitrose, they will never worry about paying the council tax bill, or be unable to afford a car breakdown...

£130k is nicer holidays, nicer car, earlier home ownership, but it isn't life-changing. It's not a millionaire lifestyle, especially if they end up sending children to a private school. I just don't see the point of jeopardising a very cushy career for the sake of a relatively small increase in quality of life.

I am so pleased so many people waste their potential in jobs which underpay them so I don't have to jostle with them for the higher paying (and cushy) jobs - those jobs are out there for those prepared to look for them.

Personally now that I am a parent, the money I earn is mainly for my dcs. If it were just me and dh, we would not need so much and probably retire much earlier. It helps I like what I do - the environment I do it in is not critical because I can always change that.

If you think peoples only potential is in the value of what they can earn I genuinely pity you.

If you think peoples only potential is in the value of what they can earn I genuinely pity you.

There are clearly lots of people who don't care to earn much, which is great for me. Who's pitying who?

God the self righteousness! There’s nothing morally wrong about seeking optimum remuneration for your skills.

Of course there isn't @MsTSwift.
Plenty morally wrong with PP's calling the DH "wet" or "hippy" or "selfish" for not wishing to chase the extra cash though.

And it would appear that the DH already feels he has optimum remuneration. For him, optimum doesn't mean "68% more", it means all the benefits he currently enjoys & is not presently inclined to risk.

Money is the purest form of satisfaction
the only constant that still warms the cockles of my heart and puts that spring in my step is cold hard cash.

I'm genuinely sorry you've had such little satisfaction in your life @blueshoes

(altho you are unlikely to appreciate them as they have no resale value)

My DH is a legend in his own lifetime and in his industry, there is some legislation that needs implementing PDQ globally, he has been put on a crack team with others. His salary on good year exceeds £100k.

We as a family pay a very high price for that.

I long for the days of £70k and some degree of normality.

Still only two years to go.

Re a 68% salary increase for 'the same job' - if something looks too good to be true, it usually is.

yes. its a lot of money - but although contractually the hours are the same, a commercial company is likely to want it's pound of flesh, your husband is right to think carefully - no such thing as a free lunch.
How would you feel if your husband was pushing you to leave a job that you really enjoyed for something that you had doubts about?

@MsTSwift Of course not. My husband is all about the money, thank God because God knows I'll never have the motivation or drive to make any of it, but if he turned around and said "I'm not happy and I'd rather be working on a checkout", I would support him. I love having the money to not worry about anything, but his happiness is more important to me.

It's messed up to expect someone else to change job so that you have more money even if they're happy where they are.

I came from nothing (actually nothing, not "mummy and daddy sent me to private school but it was sooo hard for them", but "shall we eat or heat today?") so I love being comfortable but if we have to go back to uncomfortable, I'll survive.

Money is the purest form of satisfaction

I remember many years ago visiting some friends of friends for whom everything had a monetary value. A painting was shown and we were told its price tag. A man's love for his girlfriend was called into question because he had only bought her a piano and we were told how much a good friend earned.

So sad.

I'm not denying that money is useful, of course. But people who worship money miss the whole point of the stuff.

I would take a lower paying job I loved over a higher paying one I might not like as much any day. We spend so much time at work that we need to be in a job we enjoy, or life can be pretty miserable. Money isn't everything.

It's hardly as if he's scrabbling for loose change - is a guy not allowed to be content - must he always display 'ambition' & be on a money-making career trajectory in order to be considered good enough?

This

A similar thing happened to my dd. She was head. Hunted into private sector with 50 percent pay rise. She decided to go and liked her new job but after 1 year her company had mass redundancies and she had to leave with very little package as she had only been with new company a little over a year. She did find another job but far less pay.

I am very close to someone who was in a similar senior civil service role and was headhunted by private consulting firm. She took the role as she wanted financial advantage, as her logic was same role...
She likes her new colleagues, and the role is basically the same but normal hours are significantly different and lots of working at home in evening as it's a global company working across time zones. Lots of early morning meetings in various locations and a surprisingly regular amount of travel.
She enjoys what the increase in salary can buy but is now significantly more time poor.
There is no such thing as a free lunch!

Pre kids is the best time to go for it. My big job I had from 26- 32 enabled me to have 6 years as sahm so yes very glad I did max my earning potential pre kids late twenties.

Pre kids really isnt the best time. Taking a job that will require him to work outside office hours, put in long stretches when needed is best when you have had kids and they are older.

So many women 'have' to give up their career because they cant possibly find childcare that works around their children's father. Him staying in this job means OP has more choice if they have kids. It also means he will be home and engaged with their children more.

In all likelihood he isnt going to a sahp. As the significantly higher earner and the OP in a job where she cant progress for while, it's not going to be hin at home.

And if OP wants to have the money to stay at home.....she needs to go out and earn it . She shouldnt have picked a job with limited earning, if being a higher earner is so important to her.

@messolini9 thank you. I have made peace with not being the main earner in our household - currently zero earner even. I've even made peace with the thousands I spent to get further qualifications to get onto management track. And I've had a baby which has changed everything. Currently trying to explore a career change into something I absolutely love. Will see if I have any success. I have bad days and this week was a bad week. I was broken by a feeling of people just being unkind in my last workplace. So I struggle when I meet unkindness now - it has a disproportionately large effect on me.

And for the record, I was a ball busting, ambitious, driven, workaholic. But kindness in the workplace was still important to me. More than money it turns out. My husband took a pay cut too in order to escape the toxic environment (we worked in the same place) and move us all to a softer, kinder place.

If he’s a senior manager even in the public sector he’s still on a decent wage. You say he’s in his early 30s and the pay rise would enable you to clear the mortgage in a few years.....while that would be nice it’s not normal or necessary to do that in your early 30s.

I agree with your dh. Having a job you enjoy is priceless. Job security is also much better in the public sector. Money isn’t everything.

I‘ve applied for a public sector version of my role recently-didn’t get it, but would have happily taken a 60% salary cut for it.
These highly paid roles are highly paid for a reason- its hell most days

God the self righteousness! There’s nothing morally wrong about seeking optimum remuneration for your skills.

Well obviously not. Who said that?

The point however is that it’s the personal themselves who should decide what level of remuneration they’re happy with and what sacrifices they are prepared to make to achieve this.

If anyone thinks this huge payrise will encompass exactly the same terms and responsibilities, they’re very naive (and in for a big shock).