For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

More people leave their jobs because they dont like the people they work with than any other reason. You must let him make this decision on his own. If you push him and its the wrong decision it would be terrible. You cant really know what is in his mind

@Fivetillmidnight
PurpleMice you obviously don't work in the public sector..

Actually, I have. Amongst other roles, I've even worked for a public sector organisation that was privatised while I was there. I've also worked for some awesome private sector companies (and some bloody awful ones).

I still believe the OP's DH should take the fantastic opportunity that's been offered. His reasons for turning it down just don't stack up.

It's a tough one OP, but I wouldn't push him as he may throw it back at you if he moves and doesn't like it. I'm a risk taker, DH far less so, but we balance each other out. Decades ago DH was offered an amazing job in New Zealand (we're UK). We were both thrilled, then the doubts set in for him and the "yeah but"s started. It was so frustrating and I remember saying "One day you're going to really regret not taking that job", and guess what? He has occasionally said over the years that he should have taken it. It was just fear of the unknown, fear of change that stopped him, and a once in a lifetime opportunity missed. My DH is a plodder. We have our own business but it's me who's pushed it forwards over the years. Left to him we'd still be working from our back room and sharing a mini metro.

Yes because it’s possible to change career entirely and leap straight in to a role even higher paying than my existing role which I already have experience in....

Yes it's possible. Its takes time though. But you might as well start sooner rather than later.

You should have picked a career with faster higher earning possibilities, if its important to you

You dont get to enjoy your job, avoid change etc and moan that he wont change jobs because you want more money.

If wage is the main driver for you go debit yourself. Dont force someone else to live to your expectations

@RedskyAtnight I can think of some, particularly technology related.

If you’re planning children he’s better off where he is. The public sector offers far better parental benefits and greater flexibility. Life insurance is a red herring as he’ll have death in service benefits. No way would I push my bloke to take a job he didn’t want.

It is his choice entirely. Not yours.

He is earning reasonable money in his current role and is happy as he is. If he thinks he would regret changing jobs, even for such a big pay rise, then back off and leave him alone. He won't appreciate being pushed by you, plus if he does move and subsequently regrets it he could justifiably resent you for applying the pressure. Don't risk that.

I've moved jobs for more money before, and immediately bloody well wished I had stayed put. I had no option to return to my former employer either. Lesson learned. I was young and stupid then and I never repeated that particular mistake.

I think you should all stop deciding what the poor man should or shouldn't be doing. He's the one who has to go and do the job every day and he's happy as he is!

I guess she's allowed an opinion!

YABU. Anyone who has been in a working environment they don’t like knows how soul destroying it is. He’s happy where he is, it’s his choice.

Selfish!" cries @G5000, while agreeing that husbands need only be valued for their financial contribution & sperm donation

Where exactly did OP say that? It's of course great that you can feed your family with pure air and comfort, but real life does not work like that.
By the way I have 2 jobs. One pays the mortgage for a sufficient house and everything DCs might ever need. The other is fun, but would mean barely managing and nothing fun ever. I would be massively selfish if I quit the high paying one because I value my comfort.

I would stay in his shoes. Public and private sectors are quite different really, and if I had a public sector job I enjoyed and liked my colleagues, Id stick with it. If in the future he wants to move then he can move and find a pay rise if he wants. For now he has made it quite clear he doesnt want the change

His job his choice

I think partly it does depend on what field he works in. I'm public sector and fairly specialised and I know that there is
one very lucrative option in the private sector, but they are renowned for being horrendously employers.
On the other hand, I know of quite a few people who have gone from working for one of the nuclear regulators to the regulated company and they genuinely are earning vast amounts of cash for no increased effort (and several of them did the bare minimum to start off with)

Not all that glitters is Gold 💫

I enjoy my job, I like my employer, my job is very secure and I have good benefits etc. If I wanted to I could move to other companies who pay around 45% more. I value my happiness more than my bank balance.

If a partner was pressuring me to take a certain job that would really damage the relationship.

It has to be his decision. My guess would be that the pressures will be significantly higher in the new job. After all, why else would they pay that much more? Gone are the days when the private sector paid more than the public sector for the same job.

Have you considered that changing jobs is always a risk? He will have to prove himself all over again. He'll have to learn a new culture and ways of doing things. Working in the private sector is also a lot less secure than the public sector. Especially when you're the 'new boy'.

Money isn't everything.

A 68% pay rise is significant. I’d try most different jobs for that unless I had specific reason to believe it would be awful. If he’s that well liked and his job is scarce, he might well be able to go back. Sometimes the civil service will agree secondments so he could perhaps trial it that way.

You can't put a price on being happy in your job.

I agree, if you are so money oriented then go an get a second job, better job etc yourself.

I’d not move jobs because a partner wanted more money. Very different if he couldn’t meet his share of bills but his happiness trumps your want for money.

You just know that if he took this job, plus associated work load increase and expectations that op would then be on here complaining that her DH was never at home, does nothing around the house, can't take time off when she wants etc etc etc

It depends on so many factors! How long has he been with his current employer? How did he get approach, how secure is that private company? What's the reason why they would have come to him to offer him such a massive increase in pay? Why him? Do you live in a area with similar jobs within commutable distance?

A friend of mine worked as an IT project manager within a Council. Her job was 10mns drive, 9 to 5 and she enjoyed working with her colleagues, but she was frustrated with the politics, and found her job and bit boring. Then she was approached by one of the contractors to go and work for them. Huge company, large salary increase, private insurance, commuting to London only 1 day a week and working from home the other 4, and exciting projects, so she went for it.

18 months later and she is saying it was the worse decision she's made. It was ok at first, but then there were changes in management, her team was dessimated, she was left to pick up double the workload and ended up working all hours of the day, with getting no sympathy or support from her manager. She is now finding that they are making more cuts and she thinks she is likely to be made redundant. She'll be entitled to nothing. She's already looked at coming back to work to the Council, but they are too making cuts and there are no jobs available. Even if there was, they would have to advertise and there is no guarantee she'd get it.

She lives in a small town, so jobs are restricted. She has three young children and got a dog as she was working from home. Her husband is a sahd, so all the pressure is on her. She said that she regrets having taken for granted the security that a job with the council offered.

Of course, that job offer could be amazing, but it could also turn out to be a disaster, no-one can tell what it will be, so it's all about what there is to risk if things didn't turn out well.

Or, replacing people's vivid imaginations with facts - he's a bloke with a senior-ish job on a good salary with an excellent pension, flexi-time, no out of hours demands, & little stress, who knows when he's well off.
Doesn't sound very "immature" to me ...

Bang on. He's got a good thing going and he's happy. How can that be seen as a bad thing?

I work for a supportive, flexible employer. I WFH when I want and put my 35 hours in, then switch off. I wouldn't give up my free time and relative lack of stress for a 60% pay rise. Oh and I'm 27. If that makes me a pipe and slippers hippy, so be it. We all value different things in life. There's a lot of unpleasant judgement and sneering going on in this thread.

@PurpleMice how does valuing flexibility and downtime outside of working hours above a salary increase "not stack up"? Unless you're solely judging by what you deem to be important.

@goodwinter, I am the same. I don't understand this stupid idea we're all meant to be chasing big bucks and 60 hour weeks in our 20s. Why? I do 37.5 and go home, and still manage to save half my salary. I value my free time, mental health and hobbies over stress, a new car, a huge house and Molton Brown soap. Besides, the discussion MAY have been valid if OP's husband was on 15k a year and they were struggling to feed and clothe their children - but he is on 46k! That is a really good salary! And will be enough combined with OP's salary once they have kids for sure.

Some people just want everything and it's never enough. Like that thread where people thought that driving lessons + car for teens, whole-class parties, private school, tutors and gadgets were "essentials".