For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

Also op if you're earning 50k in your late 20s but can't progress higher that's a bit odd?

I had a similar dilemma recently (not quite such a big pay rise though!) I figured that if I didn’t like the new job I could always move again and could probably even go back to my old job.

New job is great and actually even more flexible and eats into less personal home than the old job which I didn’t think was possible!

Of course I miss my old colleagues but I’m still in contact with them & meeting them for lunch next week.

Nothing ventured nothing gained!

It’s not really up to you, is it? Are you usually such a gold digger?

To clarify further @downlow I’ve already progressed a fair bit in a relatively short space of time. There’s no way I can simply go out and get myself a 68% pay rise at the moment. I need to put far more years of work in and gain more experience yet.

I'm with you OP. You say they offer the same conditions, it's not like you're trying to sell him on slave market. Is he planning to sit on that salary level for the rest of his life, because it's comfy warm seat and he does not have to do much? If you will have DC then turning down money that could greatly benefit them is selfish.

Ye Dogs.
"Selfish!" cries @G5000, while agreeing that husbands need only be valued for their financial contribution & sperm donation, because their comfort & personal autonomy is immaterial.

People suggesting he go to his boss and negotiate a pay rise even half way to 68% obviously don't have a clue about the public sector! If he's been in his job for a few years he's probably at the grade boundary and no pay increase is possible without promotion or getting the role regraded which might get him an extra 5K at the sort of grade he's on.

Obviously it's his decision and you def can't tell him what to do but as his wife I don't see why you're not entitled to an opinion.

if his only reason is that he likes his current colleagues, what happens if they leave and he gets not so great ones? What if the colleagues at this new job are even nicer?
If it's about working hours or things that are unlikely to change then that seems like more sound reasoning. If he moves and after a period of time he doesn't like it, would his current post or similar come up again?

I'm not sure why people are telling you to go earn more given you've said you can't in your field.
My DH earns lots more than me and has far more earning potential in the future. All things being equal I would encourage him to consider a higher paid job if it meant no mortgage or things for DC.
I have far more qualifications and work in a specialist field but earn half what he does and will never earn much more. Should I ditch a career I've worked hard for just because I would encourage my DH to take a better paid job in this situation?

But bluebell presumably the job change was your decision? Did your husband start a thread on Dadsnet to chivvy you in to changing?

It's up to him. You can put across your views but it needs to be a decision he's comfortable with. It will wreck your relationship otherwise.

I'd also suggest changing your field if you have hit the top range of salary in your late 20's - it's not too late to make a move.

Yes as @AlunWynsKnee has pointed out, there’s no way on earth that his employer can match the pay increase he’s been offered. In fact, they’ve already made it clear to him that budgets don’t allow for any increase at all, no matter how small.

The pension scheme is slightly less favourable ....

I'd be very surprised if any private sector scheme is anything like as favourable as a public sector scheme. It he is on a final salary scheme rather than career average it could be a very expensive loss.

There’s no way I can simply go out and get myself a 68% pay rise at the moment. I need to put far more years of work in and gain more experience yet.

& good for you.
But it still doesn't mean that your DH has to accept his 68% offer in order to compensate you for not being in the same position, or to satisfy the financial ambitions that you are yet to achieve off your own bat.

If he is happy where he is then I would tread carefully if I were you.You dont want to be blamed if he doesnt like it! In his early 30s he has plenty of time ahead of him ,and being able to clear the mortgage while obviously good ,would probably mean just moving up to a bigger house in reality we are seldom satisfied really! 68% rise seems an awful lot and most companies will want their pound of flesh for sure!

The job spec appears to be swapping like for like with a huge pay increase

No matter what the job spec says, moving from public to private sector is not "swapping like for like". For better or worse it's a big move.

I’ve already progressed a fair bit in a relatively short space of time. There’s no way I can simply go out and get myself a 68% pay rise at the moment. I need to put far more years of work in and gain more experience yet.

Change career. Dont be afriad of change. Forget if you enjoy your job or role.

Change it. Concentrate on increasing your own earnings.

I love the suggestion that he take the new job so he can "step down when you have DC". Or....he can keep the current one and not have to step down at all.

Money means fuck all. I was happy-ish in a 30k job and utterly miserable in a 45k one - and quit after 10 months. It's not even the hours/flexibility - they were both strictly 7.5 hours a day. Now I want to go into a different career that will most likely pay around 25k - even though the one I'm in now can pay 6 figures if you scrabble up the greasy pole to seniority. Happiness is more important than money. A big problem with many corporate/private sector jobs is that ultimately the work is pointless - making more money for shareholders, working out how to increase profits and get more customers/purchases. It eats away at me every day that I do that for a living!

If you value money that much, you go earn it.

This is a tricky one OP.

My DH could earn more elsewhere but he's so happy at work, he loves his colleagues and it's a really lovely place to be (colleagues and bosses alike are now great family friends).

Before this job he had a higher paid role but was being sick every morning before work with anxiety and it was horrendous. And I barely saw him as he worked so much overtime.

It was awful and very worrying. Men don't often share their mental health worries but burnout is incredibly common

I did the same thing from a job I loved. Huge risk But worth it. Newer (but crappy) secondemployer wasn’t great and so I applied for a better job with another third employer - my starting salary at that third compqny was 78% higher than it would have been had I stayed in the job I loved because of the crappy employer. Incidentally I have been with the third company for a decade as I have all the comraderie / flexibility of the first job but with triple the salary!

@Scarsthelot Yes because it’s possible to change career entirely and leap straight in to a role even higher paying than my existing role which I already have experience in....

An important point is that you are both doing well at the moment, and presumably live a comfortable life with holidays and some luxuries. It's not like you 'need' the money, although I understand the idea of having that sudden increase is nice.

There is nothing wrong with choosing a relaxed life with a flexible and enjoyable job over money. It's what I've done, my brother however went the other way, and I see him working 7-7 in London stressed out of his mind with no time to cook himself meals or go to the gym, squeezing in a social life... while I freelance in the sunshine for half (or less) of his salary. I'm sure he thinks I'm impoverished but I know who is having a more satisfying life.

Unless I've missed it in this long thread, you have't said anything about your situation with children and family life and how you balance those against work commitments and how you expect to balance them in future.

Responsibility to family isn't just about cash. It's also about time. The two have to be traded off and money really isn't everything. When you have a decent income already, losing time and flexibility to pursue more cash may be a a mistake.

I am in a similar situation but my move wasn’t by choice. I’m earning a fair bit more in my new job. The work is the same or better, but I really miss the team of people I worked with. I really don’t enjoy what I am doing now.

I wouldn’t take the chance.

I can't think of a single job sector where simply moving from public sector to private sector to do exactly the same job would involve such a large pay rise (at the levels OP is talking about).

I doubt very much it is exactly the same job. I expect there is all sort of unwritten expectations. Probably why OP's DH is not overly keen to take it.

I can't think of a single job sector where simply moving from public sector to private sector to do exactly the same job would involve such a large pay rise

Does seem unlikely.

Pension, sick pay, paternity leave etc are all very good in the public sector. A jump from public to private sector is huge and certainly shouldn't be taken lightly. As others have pointed out a 68% pay rise doesn't mean 68% more money in your pocket.

Yes because it’s possible to change career entirely and leap straight in to a role even higher paying than my existing role which I already have experience in.... hmm

That doesn't matter. Ultimately it is you who wants more money bringing in, your DH is happy in the job that he's in and doesn't want to change. Therefore, if anyone should change jobs it should be you.