To think it is harder to have an only child than more?

[Rosehip345]

Just that really. Been having a discussion with friends, all with at least one child up to four.
From my experience I think it is harder to have one as they need the constant attention that siblings give each other. Plus the teaching them to share, occupy themselves etc?
Just intrigued to know others thoughts and how many you have?

I love having just my one! Seems loads easier than having quite a few close in age! However one then a big gap then another seems good, get to enjoy them in different ways and they do them get the benefit of siblings when they’re adults

Pumpkin
I didnt say all parents of 4 say this , just if anyone is saying 1 is harder its parents who have 4 when quite clearly ( as you say) its nonsense.

It’s easier because the entertain each other but there is a lot more housework involved.

Depends on the child and how they get on with their siblings, I guess. My two play together nicely (most of the time), which does make life easier. However, there was nothing easy about life with a baby and a toddler. Jeepers.

just if anyone is saying 1 is harder its parents who have 4 when quite clearly ( as you say) its nonsense.

why is it nonsense? I have 4, and it IS easier for me.

I wouldn't have had a clue when I had only my first!

One only ever has to be in one place, I look at the parents with only one child and think how simple life is. One sport, one activity, one direction to travel in. Simple.

Absolutely not. I have two and on days I only have one it’s a piece of piss. I think having one probably feels hard if that’s all you’ve ever known, but trust me it’s not compared to two.

put it another way, I wouldn't have had more than 2, or more than 3!, if it had made our lives much harder. I could have stopped at 1, or 2...

Ok Josef if you say so

So 4 x the cost, washing, meals, emotional support , uni fees, illness is "easier" than 1 or 2.
No one is suggesting you cant enjoy having 4 but its easier
How?

Children are hard. some are harder than others.

I couldn't get past the 'the constant attention that siblings give each other' remark. Do you really think this? My children don't go near each other. My eldest has resented his little brother since the day he was born. He is nearly 13 and that hasn't changed. I can count the times they have played together on one hand. Seriously. In a decade.

My eldest has always been hard work. My youngest is easy. I wouldn't have known it was easy to have a child unless I'd had my second.

I was thinking about this last night. My two children have lovely little chats when they are together. I think having a second allows the first to be a child. They make up games, their own secret language, Chase each other around, copy each other...If I had one, I would have more time but on reflection our time would be spent chatting and foing things. I would play but in an organised way whereas together they play a lot at times I wouldn’t choose to play.

For them, I think having a sibling brings a lot to their lives. For me, one was definitely better - mentally and financially particularly. I really hope they will be there for one another as adults but looking at both DH and my own siblings, this is not guaranteed.

I didn't say it was cheaper, I said it was easier.

Not sure why you are refusing to believe me, not saying it's the same for everyone.

Easier because we are more relax, the children are left a lot more to their own device than a single child would have been (not literally, videos games are pretty much banned most of the time in this house, I am also an evil mum ), and I am never worried that my kids are ever lonely. They have their own space so I am not worried they are crowded either.

and by the time number 4 arrives, pretty chilled about the basic needs!

Even a small child deciding to have a sleepover with his sibling instead of my own bed makes my life easier...

If I didn't have to work, it would be another level of easier.

Washing is not a big deal, meals are the same just bigger portions, and we just have to save more for uni feels, weeding funds and 1st deposits. and do what we can then. We'll be fine.
There are many single children in the country with parents who can't afford to give them money for all those things anyway.

So 4 x the cost, washing, meals, emotional support , uni fees, illness is "easier" than 1 or 2.

Meals are more expensive for a family of 6 but they don't take any longer to cook: you just double up on ingredients. A little more time for chopping 2 extra onions and peeling 4 extra spuds but that is negligible.

Most people can't afford to pay uni fees anyway: that's what student loans are for.

The amount of emotional support differs from child to child and some children can also be great support for each other, not in a burdensome carer sort of way, but simply as somebody who knows them and understands. Of course there are other children who hate each other or simply ignore each other. But then there are children who hate their parents.

Again, illness is such a variable thing: my eldest brother (who was an only for a long time) was ill all the time, the rest of us hardly ever. Or if we were ill we were ill together and could entertain each other.

I don’t want to take the risk and find out it’s harder when it’s too late, so am sticking at one (found toddler stage very hard)

I agree it will vary by personality. I have one and have found it a delight. It probably helps that she doesn't want to talk to me for hours about minecraft or football or some other thing I'm not interested in.

It's partly just the luck of the draw.

I found one easy as I could spend all my time on them. Twos harder as one wants something, the other wants something else and they don’t always amuse each other. Think it really depends on the child and the parents!

So 4 x the cost, washing, meals, emotional support , uni fees, illness is "easier" than 1 or 2.
I can’t believe anyone who has a larger family would argue with this?
How can laundry for 6 be the same work as laundry for 3? 6 lots of bedding, 6x7 lots of clothes, 6 bath towels, sports kit etc! I have 5 and know a few larger families and I have NEVER met a family that didn’t find the laundry never ending. With one child it’s possible to do it in a day.
Of course it takes longer to prep food for double the number, to wash up double the plates, to shop and put away double the groceries, to earn the larger amount of money needed to pay for it all.
Of course caring for more children takes more of a physical and emotional toll. Illness is harder to manage both infectious and non because you must care for the others at the same time.

I’m sure all of this is obvious if you think about it.

How can washing and ironing for four kids not be a big deal? I have two and the washing machine is on every second day. What am I doing wrong???

Josef has probably hit the nail on the head. Four children or more is doable when you are wealthy.
For me with two children - wedding costs, first deposits and so on - they are out of the question sadly. We save for uni fees but not half as much as I’d like. This adds a huge amount of worry to my life. If I had (a lot) more money, I can see why three, four and more children would be easier. I’d have a cleaner, pay for all my children to have private lessons for activities like swimming so I wouldn’t be trying to get to different activities at different times for different levels and I’d do this for all their activities.
I’d also live in a good area where many activities were within walking distance so the children could walk independently to schools and blund when they reached nine or ten years old.
Money is the answer.

I don’t want to take the risk and find out it’s harder when it’s too late, so am sticking at one (found toddler stage very hard)

that's completely fair enough.
I found the newborn stage so much harder than the toddler stage, especially with my first 2. Kids are all different anyway.

Because its ridiculous to say that having 4 is easier than 1 or 2 .
It smacks of self justification.
I dont care how many DC people have but saying its easier is silly and is the sort of thing that undermines just how tough parenting can be .

How can washing and ironing for four kids not be a big deal? I have two and the washing machine is on every second day. What am I doing wrong???

I don't do any other ironing than work or school shirts. My washing machine is on every day, but I hardly call that work. I switch it on first thing in the morning, put things to dry 1 hour later and forget about it.

I am not wealthy by all means, but not struggling either, I wouldn't have had kids I couldn't afford. Things might change of course, but hopefully we plan well enough that the kids wouldn't suffer.

I’m a lazy parent so more than one is easier for me as they have each other. If they didn’t get along, then I’d be saying it was harder.
They’re happy to go out even for boring walks because they have each other.
Chores are easy as they often work as a team.
Meals can often be a problem because someone will always turn their nose up at it but they’ll still eat it. I don’t make food that they genuinely dislike.
At home, they either do their own thing or watch tv, play games or just muck around together

I don't do any other ironing than work or school shirts
So ironing 30 (6x5) shirts is easier than iron 15 (3x5)??? It’s literally double the work!

I wouldn't have had kids I couldn't afford

That is where I went wrong. We had DC1 and completely underestimated the cost of having a second child. I felt guilty and couldn’t cope with working full time and became a SAHP. This impacted our finances too obviously. As the kids get older, so do their expenses. They want to try every sport and hobby.
It’s also the time. Doing homework with two takes such a long time. Practising independent reading, listening to music practice, even preparing snacks and food all day. I find it exhausting.