Working with a woman who weirdly lies ALL the time

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I’ve worked with her for about two years and started noticing it more and more.

For example: she’ll have a call at work. I will obviously hear one side of it as we sit next to each other.

She will then repeat the contents of the call if she is asked (if it’s relevant etc) but completely makes up her side of the conversation. And as it’s none of my business I’ll sit there and think ‘erm that didn’t actually happen’.

But she has now started doing it with me. So for example recently I’ve been at home as I put my back out and she said to my colleague in front of me ‘oh poor balls was so bored she kept phoning me to keep her company’

No I didn’t!

She has met my children and made up conversations to others that she has supposedly had with them.

If I say ‘well no you didn’t actually I’m going to look like a right prick aren’t I?’ It’s bizarre and a complete non problem.

My sister who I’m nc with - this is ONE of many reasons.

She lies about everything from the mundane to the seriously malicious.

She’s never left a job voluntarily as a result, including lying about qualifications and experience but then I blame the employers as much for that for not checking! And on more than one occasion had to be removed by security.

Her lies have caused huge family rifts (not just me and her), ss and police involvement unnecessarily, and even court cases.

Worryingly she is now in a job where she’s working with vulnerable people but nothing sticks to her officially so on paper she is fine, passes background checks etc.

Locally she has to be careful where she goes and who she mixes with now as she’s just gone too far with too many people.

You’re NOT paranoid op, avoid being alone with her, avoid phone conversations without witnesses, avoid text conversations without others included at the time. Protect yourself.

MIL does this and as well as telling lies about the past (white washing to how she wishes things were I guess) she will also lie about silly little things. A word of warning, that MIL will make drama to make herself the centre of attention. She came to visit me the day after I had DD (nasty c section, special care baby, nearly lost DD) and said DSS had disclosed having no food at home and only being allowed to shower weekly due to cost. I spoke to DSS (he was 14 and I work in ss) and he hadnt said anything of the sort. She had clearly said it because of my job. Now she is creating lies to extended family apparently for our benefit (saying we're out when they might to visit when they havent even contacted us for said hypothetical visit). I ignore it but I do fear she is trying to create a fall out.

cottagepieandpeas my ex also lied about the university he went to.

In the general scheme of things though, that was minor compared to his dad's imaginary heart attack, the ex's supposed cancer and eventually the other girlfriend he had in a different city (all of these came out after we had split up).

Looking back, I did notice the smaller lies as his attention to detail was shit. As cottage also says though, it makes you think you're going mad. I think his lying stemmed from the fact he hadn't done as well in life as he'd hoped and he felt the need to compensate.

I suppose it's true that sometimes it's just embellishment for some or wanting to be centre of attention so they make things up or just plain forgetfulness but for others it's just lying for the sake of it!! I

I used to work with a girl like this. Her life was full of drama and intrigue that was only ever about 20% true, 80% embellishment. She Genuinely seemed to think the whole office was fascinated by her personal life and her love life in particular, with its many ups and downs. Including the two male bosses who sat politely through her weird stories. She had no self awareness at all.

We used to sit there like this while she waffled on.

She was also one of those women who was really quite plain looking but thought of herself as a bit of a sexpot and thought that all men were in love with her.

Very odd. I’d love to know what she’s like now. This was 30 years ago. I’d be very surprised indeed is she wasn’t divorced at least twice.

OP,

As you work with her I'd be very wary.
I worked with a woman like this. First her lies were self aggrandising fibs about where she'd been/worked. Bit strange but harmless.

But then she began lying about work. She claimed right to my face, in front of my manager, that I had failed to train her on how to use the office database (complete lie). I was furious particularly as my manager believed her as she looked like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She also accused a senior manager of discrimination because he pointed a spelling error in an email she wrote and she suddenly claimed out of the blue she was dyslexic (another lie I strongly suspect).

She left 6 months later and when we looked at her workload found she had shirked nearly all her work tasks, covering up her lack of work by lying to colleagues.

She'd also helped herself to nearly all of my jar of hot chocolate (!!!) just casually taking things that weren't hers. Manager later apologised to me once she realised what this woman had been doing.

She went to work for an aid agency abroad. It makes me shudder to think what she would have done there.

I have always assumed that people like this have some sort of illness or problem. Not that this excuses it, of course.

my colleague does this, I said this and this, and I think, did you really? I now take, or try to take, everything with a pinch of salt, basically she would have liked to say these things but wouldn't dream of it

i mean wouldnt dare say these things to people, but wishes she had

I had a friend like this.. it took me a while to notice.. we would be together doing something and she would then tell someone else that x y or z happened (which wasn’t true) whilst I was standing there.. the little lies were pretty harmless but she ramped it up to some really serious ones and a lot were about me (telling her husband we were out together when we weren’t). It caused me an awful lot of trouble.. she was a pathological liar and I think she actually believed her own lies.. she turned out to be quite dangerous..

My Mum did this all the time. I confronted her on it and she said, "but things are so much more fun the way I say it." But it wasn't fun because she began to believe herself and her fabricated reality. It broke our relationship when she told everyone about a huge row we had, casting me as the villain. None of it was even slightly true, but over time I actually became the person that she had created in her mind.

She is a manager at work so difficult for me to report her and no HR in a small company as such.

It’s not huge lies it’s tiny lies. And exaggerations so if she is ill, it’s an infection rather than just a bit of a cold and sore throat. She does the sick voice when she gets back on the phone then when she gets off the phone it disappears. The whole time I’m sitting there thinking ‘I can hear you you must know I can hear you’

I know a few people like this.

I think they do it so often because people are too scared to challenge for fear of looking silly or unkind.

I just go with not responding when it doesn't affect me. But things like the "she was so bored she kept ringing me" I'd challenge but nicely. I'd say something like "slight exaggeration. We had 1 phone all on x day. But yes I did mention I was bored during it"

Manager or not, I'd have no problems in saying to her that what she was saying in relation to you was complete crap and never happened.

Why let her get away with it, when some of what she is saying is about you?

I know exactly what you mean OP, in fact I could have written your post about a lady I worked with. I've thought about it a fair bit and I have come to the conclusion she projects how she feels about something and in her mind it becomes how it actually happened.

Example - I was on holiday with my DP, we tried something different this year (lots of hiking involved) and she whatsapped me asking how it was going. I told her it was wonderful we were really enjoying it, and said that we'd had days with major rain storms but the next day can be really hot and sunny and we were loving it. Next day I get a whatsapp from another one of the team saying "So sorry about your holiday, hope the rain ends soon!" A completely different picture had been presented. Obviously I don't really care what they think of me and DP's holiday but I was a bit . There are numerous other examples - I had some time at home as I broke a bone, but could work from home. She kept telling people how she "got me through it" and how upset and desperate I was. I was because I have my DP, 2 DS, friends, I was fine, just that I hurt myself and needed to recover but I have plenty of friends close by. I have tried to call her out on it but she is adamant she's right and she will go into a strop and not speak for days afterwards.

However, OP please take care because things then got more serious for me. I took care not to say much at all in case it got twisted and certainly never said opinions about work/colleagues. Then my boss came to me and said he was worried as he'd been told I didn't enjoy working with him, how could we make it better as he valued me. Turned out it was a complete fabrication from this woman! I really enjoy working with my boss, but she'd drip fed how unhappy I was to him! He and I managed to resolve the problem and he's agreed to only take note if I say something to him.

I've now moved to another company, I moved for career progression, nothing to do with her, but it's great I don't have to put up with that crap anymore!

This is my sister theough and through. The whole family knows she lies on a daily basis. Things that are meaningless e.g. bought this brand new designer dress for a fiver in London. Only to find her friend saying no it was 15 from Birmingham! Werid pointless lies. I got sick of it as she was telling family lies about me, my home, my children?! It was frankly pissing me off. So every time she lied, I'd ask lots of questions, followed by I dont believe that happ. Or if I knew it didn't happen because I was about me/children I would say, no that's not true. You need to say to her op, "no that didn't happen, I was there. "

She lies, fair enough, people have given advice about how to deal with it.

But every new drip feed picking her apart is just mean. So you don’t like her, fine. Why the need to eviscerate her online?

I work with someone like this and I've realised over the last 4-5 months just how dangerous she is.

She lied initially about her marriage, said her husband of two years had cheated on her but forgot that people at work could see her public social media where she was posting lovey photos of them. This lie has continued into now, despite further evidence on social media countering that. She has also fabricated a friendship with a man who works in another department and is heavily implying to other people that's there's something else going on with them (he wouldn't touch her). He was taken in by her marriage lies and tried to show sympathy and she's clung to that. She has repeatedly, as a result, tried to stir up trouble in his marriage and get another member of staff in trouble by blaming the rumours on her (this member of staff is lovely and would never do that).

Loads of people have slowly realised what she's like and they don't want to spend time alone with her. Including her ultimate manager who regards her as dangerous.

She has also fabricated her personal involvement in high profile criminal cases, either as a witness or a family member of the victim.

It's bizarre and the only advice I can give is to stay as far away as possible from the liar. Cut off their oxygen - these people need an audience to breath.

I went to school with someone who lied a lot.
Looking back - she wanted to make herself seem like a popular important person outside of school so we should all be grateful for her friendship.
She had SO many friends outside of school. Except I never managed to meet any of them. They were always conveniently ill or busy at the crucial moment.
I guess I twigged during GCSE's. It just puzzled me, she wasn't unpopular at school and had no need to make up this second life.
Sadly, she kept lying. They did change but I ended up dropping the friendship after university. She told a few absolute whoppers to me that I very easily discovered and by doing this I realised it was her way of wanting me gone.
Op, in your case I would be careful how you confront the liar. Perhaps keep a casual tone and say - no I didn't or that didn't happen and then change the subject.

I had some dealings with a young woman who told me she was coughing up blood. I worked as a volunteer at the time in a MH setting. I was obviously concerned. There was no illness, this woman along with others used to spin some tales. What was true was they had all suffered trauma and acted out by lying. Two of them had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

The shocking thing about all this is how these people get away with it. My DH can’t believe that I haven’t called out a friend of mine for her constant lies. The reason I haven’t is that I think it’s all part of a serious mental health problem and I suppose I’m nervous of saying something that tips
her over the edge. In her case it’s clearly linked to low self-esteem because all her lies are designed to make her more popular with others. It’s wearing though and hurtful. So for example she will literally beg me to let her help if I’m organising some sort of special family event, but will then go to others describing how I’ve put on her and what a terrible time she’s having. She’s hard to resist when she’s determined to ‘help’ but I’ve finally learned to be stronger and decline her offers.

Sounds like you're working with my Mum !

You have described her to a T. She is also the queen with one upmanship on any bit of info she hears, someone is ill, she knows someone who is more ill etc. It is weird and I for the most part ignore it because I know how she is. I believe she lives in an odd bubble world and its got to a point where she believes her own lies. My siblings and I all know and we have a grumble to each other about it a few times a year, but it's almost a running joke among us now.

I've tried calling her out, I've tried to talk to her, she just acts like she doesn't know what I'm talking about or does a quick subject change. So I gave up a while ago, luckily so far she hasn't really caused any harm that I know of. Hopefully it will stay that way. I do think she needs help ( for many things to be honest but that's a whole other thread there).
Because of all this, I give her very little info about my life and what my family are up to, damage limitation in a way I guess.

Not sure what you can do, hopefully it wont get any worse.

Yeah I knew one of these. Making up whole parts of conversations when I was stood there listening. Boyfriend terrified of breaking up with her because of what she would come up with. I asked her why she was so full of shit in the end and he went ballistic. She was out for what she could get and cheating everybody, incuding boyfriend so it was possibly easier for her to just lie as default.

*she went