Working with a woman who weirdly lies ALL the time

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I’ve worked with her for about two years and started noticing it more and more.

For example: she’ll have a call at work. I will obviously hear one side of it as we sit next to each other.

She will then repeat the contents of the call if she is asked (if it’s relevant etc) but completely makes up her side of the conversation. And as it’s none of my business I’ll sit there and think ‘erm that didn’t actually happen’.

But she has now started doing it with me. So for example recently I’ve been at home as I put my back out and she said to my colleague in front of me ‘oh poor balls was so bored she kept phoning me to keep her company’

No I didn’t!

She has met my children and made up conversations to others that she has supposedly had with them.

If I say ‘well no you didn’t actually I’m going to look like a right prick aren’t I?’ It’s bizarre and a complete non problem.

I worked on a team with someone like this. We shared an office and could hear her phone calls. At one point during a meeting she was lying about something and the other team members very calmly kept correcting her, referring to prior minutes and countering every lie with facts. This went on for a few minutes, and all of a sudden she "fainted" in her chair, "came to", ran out of the office, and then returned a few minutes later acting as if nothing was wrong. The rest of us unofficially diagnosed her with BPD/narcissism. I was just getting ready to quit when she found a new job lecturing at a university. Heard through the grape vine that she'd been the subject of several organized student complaints. I'm just glad I haven't had to deal with someone like that again.

OP, call her on the lies when you can, document everything, and have a confidential chat with manager/HR. She could be dangerous to your career.

I used to work with someone like this in a health/social care profession. We worked together on a couple of cases and I basically had to do everything she said she’d done, as she lied about everything. Also lied about having cancer. V concerning.

I also work with a woman like this, she lies all the time about just about everything. Here’s just one example, “I’ve got a chest infection and I’ve been coughing up blood, I haven’t been coughing though”.
Oh sod right off 😡 If you’re going to lie you’ve got to be good at it 🙄

I had a boyfriend who would do this, it was really weird. Then as time went by he became a complete control freak, then violent - typical abuser in every way. Not sure how that applies to a colleague but as a previous poster said - watch out!

Dads partner at funeral of wife

What is the purpose of her lies?

To make her look better or more interesting? To cover up her mistakes? To bitch about people?

Then you will have more of an idea of how much to be wary or not. If she lies to gain for herself, watch your back and report even low level now - say to a manager.

I had someone at work do this, not big lies or all the time, and then one day she totally lied to our manager that I’d been consistently late with vital reports for her. Luckily I had some emails to back up that I wasn’t. Then she also said that I’d not given her what she asked. She always told managers and not me directly first.

I then, by pure chance, told a friend outside of work who recognized who she was and said that this woman had volunteered for them but they’d had to fire her for lying! So I realized I had a problem! And also she’d obviously fudged her references. So I became much more proactive and only communicated through email and copied in my manager every time.

So no I don’t think you will get a diagnosis. So many reasons people lie a lot, many not to do with diagnosable mental health or personality issues. However it is a red flag, to make sure you aren’t affected. Not much else you can do.

I think most jobs have one, it is odd, weird, dangerous. My colleague constantly tells the same stories with different scenarios. I actually dread working with her, it is very irritating.
I don't correct her I think she believes her bull crap, others challenge her but I CBA.

My dad who was happily married to my mum for 58 years sadly had to say good bye to his wife last week.

Background my mum had vascular dementia for 9 years, dad looked after her for 2 years then she needed extra care. He took up with another lady about 3 years ago and we ( my brother and sister) all happy for him as he was really missing my mum
And was fit and active. All good we welcome new lady into the family, include her in everything basically if my dad was there so was she, not a problem. My mum has finally past away after a very-long time In care, my dad went up twice a day to feed her, so this is all a massive change fore him. Trying to get to the point his girlfriend was at my mums funeral after I said it was not appropriate (everyone agreed).
It’s left a bad feeling words were said but very diplomatically. I know never want her in my house but I know I will cave to keep my dad happy.
What would you do... I’ve said I’m not happy, leave it or keep arguing till he realises that it wasn’t ok. They had a fantastic marriage and I feel he hasn’t reflected that with his actions.

I have worked with someone like this.

I honestly was left believing it was a neurological issue and she literally couldn't help it, because she embellished every story no matter how trivial with obvious lies and it was seriously as though she couldn't stop herself and was quite helpless. It was ruining her every friendship too, I cared about her and felt sorry for her, but some of her lies were quite malicious and it wore thin.

@Dogwalks2

I think you've posted on the wrong thread instead of starting your own. You need to report your post and try again with Start A New Thread and MNHQ will fix it in the morning

@Dogwalks2 Hi it is all very stressful. Have you posted on the wrong thread, if you start a new thread you will have help and support.

I don’t for one minute believe you’ll look like a prick if you bring her up on it OP. I’d do it. She needs to realise how weird her behaviour is, she needs to feel embarrassed by it in order to nip it in the bud.
Does she live alone? She obviously has an imaginary life.

Thanks, haven’t started a thread before so will sort this out.

A boy I knew at school used to do this, everyone just humored him. I'm so glad he's not in my life anymore. I do wonder if this sort of person has something wrong in their brain, how do they not realise people can tell they're lying? Or are they doing it on purpose? It's really confusing.

She needs to realise how weird her behaviour is, she needs to feel embarrassed by it in order to nip it in the bud I'd love to do this, my Dsis is very upfront won't tolerate lying, she is borderline rude when she rips a liar to shreds with questions.
I ended up dreading listening to my colleague screaming stfu internally. She is a liar she talks none stop too, It's draining.

That's extremely weird. Some people get kick out of knowing people believe their lies, but I don't get why she would lie when she knows you heard what she actually said!

*get a kick

I had a colleague like this. To start with it just seemed a bit strange, but by the end I started to wonder if she had a real problem as some of the stuff she came out with was a bit sick to be lying about (but I'm sure she was).

I'd just keep a wide berth and tell her as little as possible. No point trying to raise it with her, I don't think.

OP I came on MN tonight to post something very similar about a relative and his kids who are all like this and who even when called out try to backtrack and justify their lies. I have no advice because I just do not understand why one person would lie like this let alone an entire family. They all must know each other are lying and say nothing. I do highlight the bullshit if I hear it, if even to let them know I know it’s bs. I think speaking up is the only way to deal with it, even if it’s just to your boss.

Come to think of it my eldest DSD, now adult with her own child is like this. However it’s in small things not wild stories. No one suspects her except me. She lied about me, didn’t exactly say that I’d done anything in particular, however told everyone that I hated her. I’d done absolutely nothing however I just accepted that perhaps it was a hard adjustment, and made loads of effort to tell her I did like and would try and be a good SM.

Whilst pregnant she lied inexplicable to the doctors about conception dates and refused to have any tests so they did not know whether the child was low birth weight or premature when she was born.

Then her boyfriend and her split up, had a big custody battle and DH helped by paying her solicitor. He showed me her sworn testimony and in it she accused her Ex of quite a few nasty things, some very serious, such as: of making her pregnant by putting holes with pins in the condoms. Even though she had told me she had been on the pill when she got pregnant, (and not used condoms).

I just couldn’t work her out and stayed a bit clear if I’m honest. I just saw her at family events and her and DH had a pretty separate relationship which seemed her choice and I respected that.

Then things seemed to be fine, except for hearing on the distant grapevine that there had been big fallouts with other family members, and ‘lots of things said’.

And then before me and DH broke up, we had an argument and he then told me lots of things I’d supposedly done to DSD over the years. They were basically shockingly big lies about how awful I was. I was horrified! For example one time she called at the house and even though DH was out, I invited her in but she declined. DH told me she’d said that I’d closed the door in her face and left her crying in the doorway as I told her that “I just wanted to be with my ‘own’ children!”

That must have affected DHs opinion of me. I was pretty upset. DH just shut down when I tried to defend myself so I’ll never know who he believed.

I’ve never seen her since but I get very wary now if someone around me lies about smaller things a lot. Just in case they are so used to it they lie just to make their point!

So perhaps the moral of that tale is... take it seriously!

I used to lie a lot, but stopped it in my early twenties. I never lied about anything important, it was always meaningless stuff.
I had a pretty dominating mother and to buy some privacy, I started to routinely lie. So if my mum was quizzing me about who was at a friend's house, I would lie. Not because I had done anything wrong, but just because I did not want to tell her every detail of my life. But it became a habit.
So as a young adult I lied about insignificant things if it was easier. So if someone asked me if I knew x colleague before telling me something about them, I said sure. Or if they asked if I had watched y series I said sure. Especially if I wasn't sure if I had. I was just trying to avoid a conversation of who is that colleague, what do they look like, etc, so I just lied and said yes.
Of course I was sometimes caught out and just lied and said I was mistaken. But I did realise I had to break the habit and had to work quite hard to do so.

I've had a friend like this and I don't think it works confronting them about it. They will never admit it, just use it as an opportunity to tell more lies. My technique was to just move on from it as soon as possible, not giving them any attention by reacting.

Eg, if my friend said "I saw a man with a parrot on his shoulder get run over by a tank today" I would simply reply "huh, weird, anyway so have you been reading the news about x...".

Isn't confabulation specific to a brain injury and deliberate story invention to cover up memory loss?

OP colleague sounds fully in control of her faculties, strategic and undermining... more like narcissistic personality disorder. Fewer women have it then men but IF its that its highly unpleasant.

OP should be very careful with this one. Keep her well away from your family and life. Information is power. They're always at war with someone, extremely convincing having spent a lifetime lying and likely going after people with the boss behind everyone's backs.

That is the gray rock approach and very effective. You do not ignore them but you do not engage either.
I say "cool story, bro" and change the subject or walk away.

People like this tend to have deep problems, no fault of their own. I'd not tell her anything personal and just leave things unless there's something that's unsafe for you personally or professionally.