Working with a woman who weirdly lies ALL the time

[Ballstothisdotcom]

I’ve worked with her for about two years and started noticing it more and more.

For example: she’ll have a call at work. I will obviously hear one side of it as we sit next to each other.

She will then repeat the contents of the call if she is asked (if it’s relevant etc) but completely makes up her side of the conversation. And as it’s none of my business I’ll sit there and think ‘erm that didn’t actually happen’.

But she has now started doing it with me. So for example recently I’ve been at home as I put my back out and she said to my colleague in front of me ‘oh poor balls was so bored she kept phoning me to keep her company’

No I didn’t!

She has met my children and made up conversations to others that she has supposedly had with them.

If I say ‘well no you didn’t actually I’m going to look like a right prick aren’t I?’ It’s bizarre and a complete non problem.

I went to school with someone that did this. I met up with her again recently and she's worse! It's literally all the time - like she's scared to tell the truth in case people don't like the real her.

@Lily019 wow, that quote is super helpful. Thank you

They lie to make themselves sound like better and more interesting people, since that is their goal admitting the lie would be counterproductive; it would make them look silly
having started lying and not wanting to lose face all they can do is carry on with bigger and bigger porky pies
Once you're caught up in that tangled Web, of your own making, there's no way out🕸️

I've known liars who do it so they can cast themselves as heros in made-up scenarios, for the ego boost. There's one I can think of who always paints himself this way but the lies feed into needless, stupid fibs such as 'oh, you're doing that course? Yeah, I did that. Did it the other year, piece of piss'- ask him a relevant question on it and he has no clue. 'I can drive, passed my test years ago, but I prefer to get the bus'- 'ooh really, was it manual or automatic? I'm looking for an instructor', he can't remember. 'I'm on my way to my dad's funeral'- ask him how he is the day after and he's fine, off to meet his dad and uncle later! Most of his lies are about how accomplished he is, always being headhunted for this job, that job or the other. Always has interviews where he aces them, even if he isn't qualified, he gets offered the job on the spot as he has his interviewers in stitches at his stories and even got promoted on the basis of his winning personality, before he'd even started the job. Oh, and the new boss was sending his family to Disneyland. Only it never happened. Once said he was looking at transferring to a different job hours away, it was loads more money but tricky transport connections. I said 'well you drive don't you, times like this it comes in handy'- 'oh no, I don't like driving. I'll probably let them down for that job, then'. Same guy was filmed on CCTV stealing from a mutual friend but it wasn't him. Crystal clear images, but nope not him. Spread a rumour that the mutual friend has done some incredibly dark things with him in the next room, I asked why he didn't tell the police. Came up with excuses why he couldn't.

But other people actually believe their lies. I was seeing someone who used to promise to buy me things from certain brands (there was no need, but he would absolutely insist) and present me with a market stall carrier bag with cheap clothes with labels on which were definitely not the brand he said they were and completely different style. So for example, the label would say 'PRIMARK' and he'd be saying 'see I told you I'd get you this from VIVIENNE WESTWOOD' I'd be thinking, 'does he think I can't read? Does he think I don't know one brand from the other' it was so bizarre. Then he lied about having cancer. It was obviously a lie. I'd had enough and called it a day. We were at his aunt's house. He said 'I'll prove I have cancer', left the room and I could hear him shouting, 'aunt! Aunt! Where are your pain meds? Which drawer? Yeah? Ok!' and he came back with his aunt's prescription tablets, complete with printed label with her name across them. I thought, 'does he think I didn't hear that? Does he think I can't see they're pain tablets and aren't in his name?' It was so freaky I legged it out of there. Completely unhinged behaviour.

It's a form of extreme anxiety, and to challenge it would be cruel

Why should they be able to get away with lying and potentially causing harm to other people just because they insecure and may have anxiety?

If there was someone like this in my life I would deliberately bullshit them just for a laugh, every lie they told I would tell a bigger one
Has anyone done this?
I'm wishing I knew a liar so I could try it out 😁

Is this not what's classed as a sociopath?

For SOME it may be a form of extreme anxiety but for many others it's just a facet of their personality disorder, or mental delusions.

I'd never not challenge it if it was going to adversely affect me or mine. I'm not being party to someone else's delusions.

Is this not what's classed as a sociopath?
It depends my ex friend is without a doubt a sociopath. I know her from aged 13 she lies tells us she was a professional ballet dancer then a stripper, still today at 38 she says men stop working out in the gym to watch her walk by. She is a total sociopath.
My colleague is anxious her lies comes from insecurity therefore I just let her babble on.

I have known three people with this behaviour. One ( female) is histrionic and makes up stories for attention and drama but only diagnosed with anxiety and depression. One ( male) had a mother with severe NPD traits and also shows many himself. The other male is diagnosed as BPD
IMO if this is seen in adulthood it's part of a cluster B personality disorder

Is this not what's classed as a sociopath?

I guess it depends on the extent. And purpose.

It’s a warning though isn’t it. We are social animals and we depend hugely on trust. Lying cuts right through trust.

The person who lies to you is effectively stealing your right and ability to make a wise and informed decision'.

Very powerful.

It’s a warning though isn’t it. We are social animals and we depend hugely on trust. Lying cuts right through trust.

Exactly.
I do think continuous lying actually very dangerous.
Especially to mental wellbeing of the person on the recieving end.
Often times that momentary gut feeling, or wtf reaction, can be lifesaving. If it's dulled and eroded overtime by someones constant bullshit it becomes a dulled sense. Disbelief is ok, but less helpful. You need to actively keep your wits about you and your senses engaged.

Lacking that sense is how people get duped and conned. Dangerous situations occur. You need a healthy level of scepticism. But if you end up not knowing somesone yes means yes, is damaging to them and those around them.

It's an insult she feeds you any old shit because you don't matter and you don't deserve the truth
A person who just lies to all and sundry is laughing at all and sundry

I think for some people its a way to feel in control. I think that's what they are focused on, so much that they can't see it from an outsiders point of view as a massive breach of the normal social contract.

They can't see the breach of trust, or that for other people being controlled is unpleasant, and insulting. I don't think they see the people they lie to as victims of their behaviour at all.

Their view of the consequences is that anyone who challenges them is attacking them, so they feel victimized.

I think there are different reasons for this and you can kind of tell the reasons depending on the type of lies and how they react when caught out.
Sociopaths don't care if they are caught out in lies. Ordinary people are embarrassed or try and cover up their lies more.

The worst person I know who did this was very charismatic and so many people hung on every word she said. Absolutely none of it was true. She had an anecdote for everything (generally stolen from comedy routines and the like) and had done every job in the world - including ones that she wasn’t in any way qualified to do.

I think my favourite one was that she had gone to university to do medicine, hadn’t liked it and wanted to do a course that didn’t exist - imagine English and Business Studies - so 2 universities in the city got together to invent this course just for her - she did the English at one and the business studies at the other and got a joint degreee. She invented family members, she invented a miscarriage, she was a slimming club leader but when you went to the slimming club that was the week that she had to give it up.

She now runs her own charity, which is sooo worrying.

That Dan Mallory stuff I remember coming out, reading it with a mix of horror and disbelief but a feeling of sympathy for him for how he must have felt for his utter shite being revealed. But then I saw he lied about cancer so he can feel everything as far as I care.

It doesnt suprise me that a lot of these types are creative. They spend their lives practicing.

Wembley is in Middlesex....or was

My sister all over haha

Is this not what's classed as a sociopath?

In some instances I think you are right @TinselTitsMcTree. My exhausting for example, who would lie for the sake of it. He got a power trip out of watching people swallow his bullshit. His lies were not always for personal gain or even self-aggrandisment, although it obviously it made him feel superior to the person who innocently believed him.

It could be something as stupid as "all Ford anglias in 1978 were yellow" & he would get a real kick out of seeing that accepted as a 'fact'.

No surprise the fucker ended up gaslighting his wife, huh? - so yeah, sociopathic.

Oooh, cross-posted with @UYScuti's way more succinct post & YES, totally agree:

It's an insult she feeds you any old shit because you don't matter and you don't deserve the truth
A person who just lies to all and sundry is laughing at all and sundry

Ha ha autocorrect put exhausted, meant exH

Today I called her up, well a bit. I had been telling a colleague that dd and I had gone to Winter Wonderland. God knows why but I digress. But I was saying DD hasn’t liked it, it was too busy blah blah. Anyway she said ‘oh I know bless her you messaged me and said you were coming home early.’

I just looked at her and said ‘did I, I can’t remember that’

She followed it up with yes yes I’m sure you did.

Anyway have decided to go with that for now plus keeping an ear out. Bloody hate confrontation so that is about my maximum in one go.

I think I would have been inclined to straight up say 'no you didn't, what are you talking about'