Working with a woman who weirdly lies ALL the time

[Ballstothisdotcom]

I’ve worked with her for about two years and started noticing it more and more.

For example: she’ll have a call at work. I will obviously hear one side of it as we sit next to each other.

She will then repeat the contents of the call if she is asked (if it’s relevant etc) but completely makes up her side of the conversation. And as it’s none of my business I’ll sit there and think ‘erm that didn’t actually happen’.

But she has now started doing it with me. So for example recently I’ve been at home as I put my back out and she said to my colleague in front of me ‘oh poor balls was so bored she kept phoning me to keep her company’

No I didn’t!

She has met my children and made up conversations to others that she has supposedly had with them.

If I say ‘well no you didn’t actually I’m going to look like a right prick aren’t I?’ It’s bizarre and a complete non problem.

ohh her favourite was supposed health conditions as well.

Personally I'd just ignore and avoid talking to her apart from when necessary. I doubt anyone believes a word that comes out of her mouth, you won't be the only person to have noticed this

@Patroclus oh yes, mine has health conditions too. If anyone ever tells her anything she'll always be able to better it.

I had a friend like this. She’d lie about the most mundane and pointless of things, take your anecdotes and pass them off as her own (even to the actual originator). If you say something, she’ll have done it bigger, better, etc, or someone she knows will have.
The only way we could deal with it was to just grey rock her. Every time she did this, just made an indistinct murmer and either changed the subject, or put our heads down and said nothing.

I'd start keeping a journal of every time she does this with times and dates.
I agree with this. You never know how it might escalate.

And just call her out, calmly but firmly, every time. 'No, I was there and that isn't how the conversation went' or, in cases like her claiming you kept phoning her when you were off, 'I don't know what you can mean; you didn't call me at all.'

I work with someone like this too. She also exaggerates as well as bends the truth in just about everything. It is very wearing! One of my colleagues caught her out a few years ago when she claimed that she had been in work from 7am and the said colleague replied they had saw Liar at 7.30am that morning in the car on the way to work. She tried to gaslight them by saying it categorically wasn't her!!

I have tried to call her out on it but she is adamant she's right and she will go into a strop and not speak for days afterwards.

But surely this is a result, @BlueJava?!

Just teasing - the agony of dealing with an adult tantrum in the workplace isn't worth the temptation is it?

Personally I'd just ignore and avoid talking to her apart from when necessary. I doubt anyone believes a word that comes out of her mouth, you won't be the only person to have noticed this

Never just ignore them if they are lying about you at school, college, work or hobby groups as unfortunately there will be senior people who don't have day-to-day contact with either of you who will believe them.

They start with personal lies about themselves followed by personal lies about you and then lies about you to harm you professionally.

But every new drip feed picking her apart is just mean. So you don’t like her, fine. Why the need to eviscerate her online?

I haven't noticed any drips @MintyMabel, & can't understand why are you so cross with OP.

Can you not pause for a moment's empathy & understand why someone needs to vent about an impossible & maddening situation which they cannot avoid 'cos they need their job?

Your post was oddly victim-blaming. How would you like to have to listen to bullshit all day, then be ticked off for being bloody annoyed about it?

It’s wearing though and hurtful. So for example she will literally beg me to let her help if I’m organising some sort of special family event, but will then go to others describing how I’ve put on her and what a terrible time she’s having.

@Pol16 - I'm with your DH here.
You don't have to keep turning the other cheek to a 'friend' who invents lies about you, wears you down & hurts your feelings.
I bet the everyone else she is bleating to are well onto her as she does it to/about them too, so I wouldn't worry about what she will invent if you were to shock her by being frank about her behaviour.

You are allowed to put your own feelings first here, & be too exhausted to deal with it any more.

I know someone like this. Lied about everything, even went as far to lie about my kids . Cut them off in the end, couldn’t be bothered with it. I would confront her personally and ask why she’s lying about you and lying about calls, catch her out and embarrass her. She’ll soon stop.

They start with personal lies about themselves followed by personal lies about you and then lies about you to harm you professionally

Interesting @ColaFreezePop - hadn't thought about it that way, but it's clear even just from examples on this thread isn't it?
Like the boundary-testing & ramping up cycle that occurs in abusive relationships. Weird & worrying.

I had someone like this in my life who I suspected was lying for a long time but just put up with it. It was when I said to DH (who used to be a paralegal) XX said he was a magistrate and a barrister and DH said that magistrates can’t be barrister’s as well. He
Also made up crap about his phone being chucked in a fountain which is why he didn’t contact me for 6 months and said he’d lost a lot of money in deposits for his daughter’s wedding when no date had been set. What deposits? I don’t know if he was trying to impress me but I really didn’t care, we’re no longer mates.

I went to Uni with a girl like this, the one i remember clearly was in a lecture when she was discussing a near death experience when her life flashed before her eyes and she saw the light and all sorts of shite, never happened. A friend went to hers for the weekend and whilst she was regaling them with a tale at the dinner table the father started making an alarm noise and saying 'lying alarm, lying alarm'. She didn't stop though. I often wonder what happened to her.

I'd pull her up on it every time.
I had a friend (emphasis on had) that lied like that.
She would lie about the most ridiculous things. Then she lied about her job, told everyone she was a chef, when she was actually a kitchen porter. She lied about still having said job when she had actually been caught with her hands in the till and sacked and was getting her money by stealing her other friends bank cards, taking cash out and putting the cards back.
The lies just got bigger and bigger and I had to end the friendship when our group found out about some of the bigger lies she had told.

She might just be doing it for attention, but the lies may get bigger and start affecting you in a different way. Nip it in the bud now.

SuperMeerkat Barristers can apply to sit as magistrates.

I used to have a boss who did this. She could look you straight in the eye and lie outrageously. Fortunately, we all realised what was happening , or she could have caused a lot of trouble. She was a blue eyed blonde who came across as caring and innocent. I think it’s probably useless to confront someone like this, they’ll usually come across as the innocent party.

It's a mental health issue, as others have written, and speaks to a lack of a sense of self/low or no ego strength.

Its origins are typically in childhood, and it will almost certainly be somewhat unconscious much of the time, and would require therapy to deal with it. (Difficult, because the therapist will have to learn to decipher what is true, and what isn't.)

I haven't noticed any drips

Look harder.

Heres a scary one

These types are a lot less harmless at work. There's the risk they up their game and cause spiteful trouble, which can get serious remarkably fast.

I suspect a lot of us on this thread recognise the type. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

I haven't noticed any drips

Look harder.

No, MintyMabel, if you're making the accusation, be prepared to back it up with what you've found.

@JordanMcDeere I have a friend with a similar story to yours. Although in her case, the idea that she was a liar was impressed upon her by the man who groomed her. Admitting the lies and dealing with the fallout was incredibly hard for her, and took a lot of courage, so you should give yourself credit for that.

I have a "friend" who lies compulsively about her health. It's horrible to deal with. She has claimed terminal cancer more than once now.

I have someone in my life like this, I can't stand the little lies and I don't understand why she does it. It makes no sense at all but she is a complete control freak so I think it's her way of controlling the world through her own perception. It's exhausting being around her though as I have no idea what is real and what is fake. My mental health isn't great so I am backing off as I can't cope with it. I hope she gets help as on some level I believe she is an ok person.

A woman who I used to work with drove us all mad with her compulsive lying. To make matters worse she used to butt in on conversations and go off down Lie Street again.
Example, I would be chatting to Mary about her holiday, liar would womble up and immediately start on about how when she went there etc, and totally take over the conversation. I would just walk away.
Someone died in an accident? She knew them.
Someone gone missing? She knows them.
Her lies ranged from harmless to blatant.
One of her best ones being how she passed her driving test on her 16th birthday, here in the UK, but she's never driven since her mum was killed in a car crash 3 months later.
I don't get it. I don't know if she's mentally ill or just a plain old Walter Mitty.