Working with a woman who weirdly lies ALL the time

[Ballstothisdotcom]

I’ve worked with her for about two years and started noticing it more and more.

For example: she’ll have a call at work. I will obviously hear one side of it as we sit next to each other.

She will then repeat the contents of the call if she is asked (if it’s relevant etc) but completely makes up her side of the conversation. And as it’s none of my business I’ll sit there and think ‘erm that didn’t actually happen’.

But she has now started doing it with me. So for example recently I’ve been at home as I put my back out and she said to my colleague in front of me ‘oh poor balls was so bored she kept phoning me to keep her company’

No I didn’t!

She has met my children and made up conversations to others that she has supposedly had with them.

If I say ‘well no you didn’t actually I’m going to look like a right prick aren’t I?’ It’s bizarre and a complete non problem.

OP don’t worry, I’m sure everyone who knows this woman knows to take everything she says with a pinch of salt. You’ll wear yourself out trying to correct her every fabrication. Just shrug it off or pull a face when she does it

And if anyone brings up something she says about you, you can now say “oh don’t you know xx suffers from confabulation”

My mother does this, lies about everything and you can’t pull her up on on them as she lies her way out of the lies. I have given up trying and as a PP said, a personality disorder. I just try and avoid her but difficult if your working with someone.

I dated a pathological liar years ago. He lived in a flat that was part of a b&b, and told me that his landlady wanted to adopt him (at 30) and he was going to change his surname by deed poll.

Another lie was that he’d been trained to cook by a great chef but made dinner that was tinned veg with vinegar. He also claimed he was a scientific genius but had never heard of Marie Curie.

He actually decided to leave me but continued to lie about it, claiming he couldn’t come out because his heavily pregnant sister had lost her baby (another lie thankfully). He strung me along for a few more days until I realised what he really was.

He bought a car off a work colleague, didn’t pay him for it and part exchanged it.

I don’t think he even realised he was lying, he just lived in some weird Walter Mitty fantasy land.

Reading these posts brought back some memories!

www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/compulsive-lying

I had a friend like this at school. She'd say all sorts then another time say the complete opposite had happened and when I called her out and would say you said the opposite last week? SHE would act confused and say no she didn't and look at the others like I was the liar!!!! I still remember the embarrassment and anger I had inside as I was a really good friend but she regulary did this. I tried to be confident after a while and call her out but it backfired and I was made out to be weird to the others. Luckily I'd tell my mum everything so when I'd tell her about her next lies or denials she always remembered too so I knew it weren't me! Even now it makes me annoyed as we were young teenagers so it didn't feel as easy to distance myself. As we got older a lot of people noticed and know though and she moves friendship groups a lot.

I think it’s more compulsive lying than confabulation. The latter usually indicates neurological damage. Some people tell lies because they’re ashamed of themselves, they cover up who they are by presenting a more ‘interesting’ persona. It becomes a habit which is difficult to break.

Liars are often living with a lot of shame they can’t deal with.

My Mum does this; I think you should read the post made by bluetongue again, and make a statement to HR in case she escalates and turns nasty.

I find this quite fascinating... It seems to happen in degrees. Some people tweak things to make their narrative more exciting or to make them look better etc. but some people go absolutely hell for leather with it...I knew three girls all throughout school who had this. One said she had had six abortions by year 8 all a result of the most popular good looking boy in the school who was several years older than us, would never have looked at any of us twice and none of us had ever spoken to...another claimed her family had over 100 dogs, when someone went to her house and there were none the line was "they all died"...the kind of stuff that just leaves you open mouthed and wondering if they're alright in the head. The lies tended to follow a pattern of either extravagance or sexual attractiveness but they were just ridiculous.

I don’t think he even realised he was lying, he just lived in some weird Walter Mitty fantasy land

Oh we had an actual Walter Mitty at school too. He's got in LOADS of trouble for it in later life, impersonating coppers and paramedics.

My mother is like this but as a narcissist it is part and parcel of her condition.

An old school friend is like this it destroyed her marriage her OH could no longer cope. Her daughter is damaged by this, she and her new husband now keep her at arms length.

I’ve been to school with someone like this and worked with someone like this. Compulsive lying, and sounds like she’s doing it to get the attention. Make herself sound a certain way. It is annoying, but one day she will forgot what she’s lied about and put her foot in it and someone else will notice.

This is a fascinating thread.
Many of PP's examples are liars expecting to be believed.
But OP's liar knows that OP knows she's lying ... which is what I was driving at upthread, saying is feels malicious.
Does it feel like a dominance display, @Ballstothisdotcom? Like she is enjoying a feeling of 'I can say any old shit & you daren't challenge me?'

It must be somewhat disconcerting but also so annoying to have this in the workplace, where you are constrained from advising her to fuck off!

My brothers ex gf was like this, she’d tell half of the family one thing and the other half something different so when anyth8ng she said cake up in conversation the discrepancy’s creeped up, never told my brother till he broke up with her. I was the first to notice, then my mum, then my Nan. I didn’t mention anything and she dug her own hole.

Luckily I’ve never worked with a compulsive liar on this scale but came across an absolute nutter at university.

She was on my housemate/best friend’s course, so I would see her in passing. She was very odd and strange, would lie about anything and everything, minor to major (she even lied about being sexually assaulted). She had this weird one-sided competition going on with my friend and would always try to one up her, eventually she became really nasty/undermining towards her then constantly denied she ever said such vile things. Luckily this gave us a free pass to completely cut her off due to how she treated my friend.

It was definitely a cry for attention here

Oh my SIL is like this. The stories she comes out with are ridiculous.

Before she married my brother, she would say her dad is buying her a dance studio or a nail salon. Said her work were putting her through a course so she would become a fully chartered accountant.......in 3 months her work were getting her a sported up Audi........I could go on and on and on.

Everyone in the family knows she talks a bag of shite. These people just make themselves seem absolutely stupid

Worked with someone like this, everything was exaggerated or just plain made up to make her sound better than she actually was. She managed to get promoted above me and it went straight to her head. We started challenging her over little bits but she turned really nasty because we dared.

Oh my god I used to go to school with someone who did this! She told all sorts of random lies, that she had 8 brothers and sisters for example - she didnt, our group of friends had known her and her family for years, we'd all been to her house a million times and seen the family photos on the walls - she had one sister and that was it!

I have a friend that does this. It usually involves completely fabricating conversations which make her look well liked and more popular.

Confabulation is just a multisyllabic word meaning basically 'making it up'

The people I have met who do this were all very egocentric, no one else in the world mattered, we were only ever there for them to create a story with.

Extremely weird question but are her initials JD?

Just repeat back what she said word for word and then look at her puzzled. Might actually help her to see she’s lying, possibly doesn’t realise she’s doing it.

I used to do this. Mine was a coping mechanism as a result of trigger warning a sexual assault. I had incredibly low self esteem as a result of the attack & felt like if it was my fault it was better than it being random, so I came up with an elaborate story & it spilled over into everything else. I did eventually manage to stop but it took a long time & still sometimes bites me in the arse. Really I needed therapy.

I worked with someone like this too. She told so many lies from small ones about being sick to big ones such as having cosmetic surgery. She then started on huge lies about being in a relationship with a very famous singer who lived in London. This singer was doing sell out concerts at the time. It was very bizarre. Nobody believed her.

She didn't have a family (or said she didn't anyway) so I suppose we all felt sympathetic towards her. Her lies didn't affect us directly either so nobody ever said anything other than shrug their shoulders or if we were in the right mood, we'd ask a few questions about the famous singer, to amuse ourselves for a while.