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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Office mate free loading

159 replies

Conflicted1212 · 23/01/2020 13:08

Share an office with a new team mate and I am her manager, earning more. There are a few of us in the office This is not important, but think it is to them. Thing is whenever I go to the shop I always Ask if anyone wants things. It’s polite and the norm is for the other person to give you money for their own food/drinks etc. This person does not, claiming they don’t carry cash and will bank transfer you the money. They don’t.

Every occasion they take but never pay. Numerous Examples but few are:

Few us coming back from an early meeting. Decided to stop off at the canteen for breakfast. Office mate didn’t have any money on them. I offered to pay and pay me back later. The said person ordered a big breakfast, juice and coffee. Bit expensive, but going to pay me back. They didn’t. Got back to office and said will give bank details. Person ignored abc still ignored.

Went to meeting in the coffee shop. I bought another colleagues drink as they were going to be late. Said team mate stood awkward in queue saying forgot to bring money and was I buying other person a drink. I asked what they wanted, and they ordered an expensive drink, I paid. Other person offered me money I said ok as you got me a coffee other day. Team mate awkwardly stared at their drink, nothing said

It cracked the other day over 80p crisps. Went to shop, asked if anyone wanted something. Colleagues asked for stuff, gave me money. Teammate asked for crisps, said no money on them. I said oh well you are saving calories (fed up paying). Teammate went in a huff and commented why I can’t just get them some crisis as it’s charitable and they know they are saving for a house. I replied I am not paying for their food All the time and not a charity. They then said why ask, if not going to get them. I said was polite. I calmly explained over the 3 months I have paid £50 in coffee and food for them. when they said would pay back. The odd thing doesn’t matter, and in most instances this work themselves out (I buy a coffee them they the next etc)but it’s too much now as you never offer. They are now in a huff and saying I am mean. I should be able to pay for a few team treats as I earn more and i know they are skint. they just came back from a swanking weekend.

Thing is, I am not materialistic and buy a team breakfast or cakes in our monthly meeting. these are team treats. I went to the shop the other day without asking anyone if they wanted something and I am now being told I am rude.

How do I get them to realise that they are taking the mickey. Told them, but they seem to think it’s unreasonable. This person is very religious and young. Not too sure if it’s this or they are a freeloader!

OP posts:
livefornaps · 24/01/2020 08:24

"food bonding" is a dickhead term, I would resent being forced to cough up for having to chow down with my tedious colleagues and would probably expect you to pay for it given it was your dumbass idea in the first place.

Beautiful3 · 24/01/2020 08:30

I couldn't afford all these food bonding sessions either. Do they have to involve buying food? A meeting room with made drinks can be fine for chats/updates. In my last job, the manager was constantly going out for food with colleagues, I missed out on updates. I pretended to be busy and had a packed lunch. But the reality was, that I didn't have any spare money.

BunnytheBlueWhale · 24/01/2020 08:39

Oh, and when popping out, still ask if anyone wants anything, but tell her straight - until you reimburse me

I agree with this too

lisag1969 · 24/01/2020 08:53

Buy your stuff before work. Don't go to the shop. Will save you a fortune. X

IntermittentParps · 24/01/2020 09:09

you need further senior training if you have to seek advice here on nipping this in the bud.
I have to agree with this.

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 24/01/2020 09:13

Have you answered what’s a swanking weekend? That’s all I really want to know 😂

iswhois · 24/01/2020 10:00

Her thinking is you are her boss, therefore you earn more money = you can afford it and she can't

But if she really is as skint as she makes out she should think ahead, bring food from home, not go on work meals out etc.

Cryingoverspilttea · 24/01/2020 10:08

"Food Bonding" Confused

If I'd ever tried this with my team beyond a few pizza dinners during tough days with overtime, or spoiling them on the xmas do, they'd have laughed me out the building.

You sound like one of those managers OP 😳

Just get the breakfast order in from the local cafe once a month from Petty Cash and leave it at that, christ.

OldEvilOwl · 26/01/2020 11:08

You need to toughen up OP. I can't believe she spoke to you like that and your not even going to ask for the money back, and are changing the way you usually do things just so you don't have to confront her. Find your backbone.

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