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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Office mate free loading

159 replies

Conflicted1212 · 23/01/2020 13:08

Share an office with a new team mate and I am her manager, earning more. There are a few of us in the office This is not important, but think it is to them. Thing is whenever I go to the shop I always Ask if anyone wants things. It’s polite and the norm is for the other person to give you money for their own food/drinks etc. This person does not, claiming they don’t carry cash and will bank transfer you the money. They don’t.

Every occasion they take but never pay. Numerous Examples but few are:

Few us coming back from an early meeting. Decided to stop off at the canteen for breakfast. Office mate didn’t have any money on them. I offered to pay and pay me back later. The said person ordered a big breakfast, juice and coffee. Bit expensive, but going to pay me back. They didn’t. Got back to office and said will give bank details. Person ignored abc still ignored.

Went to meeting in the coffee shop. I bought another colleagues drink as they were going to be late. Said team mate stood awkward in queue saying forgot to bring money and was I buying other person a drink. I asked what they wanted, and they ordered an expensive drink, I paid. Other person offered me money I said ok as you got me a coffee other day. Team mate awkwardly stared at their drink, nothing said

It cracked the other day over 80p crisps. Went to shop, asked if anyone wanted something. Colleagues asked for stuff, gave me money. Teammate asked for crisps, said no money on them. I said oh well you are saving calories (fed up paying). Teammate went in a huff and commented why I can’t just get them some crisis as it’s charitable and they know they are saving for a house. I replied I am not paying for their food All the time and not a charity. They then said why ask, if not going to get them. I said was polite. I calmly explained over the 3 months I have paid £50 in coffee and food for them. when they said would pay back. The odd thing doesn’t matter, and in most instances this work themselves out (I buy a coffee them they the next etc)but it’s too much now as you never offer. They are now in a huff and saying I am mean. I should be able to pay for a few team treats as I earn more and i know they are skint. they just came back from a swanking weekend.

Thing is, I am not materialistic and buy a team breakfast or cakes in our monthly meeting. these are team treats. I went to the shop the other day without asking anyone if they wanted something and I am now being told I am rude.

How do I get them to realise that they are taking the mickey. Told them, but they seem to think it’s unreasonable. This person is very religious and young. Not too sure if it’s this or they are a freeloader!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 23/01/2020 13:39

You have to take a bit of responsibility here. Never offer to get people things without their cash in your hand. Given this didn’t happen, the first time she didn’t pay you back you should have known not to do it again. How did you ever let it get to £50?!

Can I have £50? I’m a bit short this month, I’ll pay you back when I’ve got it...

No? Why are you giving your hard earned money to other people?

rottiemum88 · 23/01/2020 13:42

Have to say, whilst this person is evidently a massively entitled CF, you've completely created the rod for your own back here OP. First time you offered to pay and they didn't pay you back, you remind them. If they still don't pay you back, you chalk it up to experience and move on. What you don't do is continue to buy food/drinks for them until the balance is £50! I just can't get my head around how/why you did that. Trying to put your food down when you've let this situation continue for a period of time is a million times harder than if you'd just done it from the start 🤷🏼‍♀️

Titective · 23/01/2020 13:43

Ask them why they think other people should pay for them all the time but it's never their turn to buy stuff back. Why should she get to freeload when everyone is working hard.

brassbrass · 23/01/2020 13:43

It's common practise in many offices for colleagues to ask if anyone wants anything when they pop out. However people usually reimburse the person offering straight away or take it in turns to pay. It's weird this one person thinks you should keep paying for them. Just bizarre.

rottiemum88 · 23/01/2020 13:44

Foot down* damn autocorrect

WhatchaMaCalllit · 23/01/2020 13:49

I would send an email stating the dates/times when you bought this person their food/drink and say that until they settle up their account, no further credit will be extended their way.

Then, if you think you need to, if asked, state to the entire team that from now on if you're in a queue to get food/drink/shopping/whatever, you will no longer be able to subsidise them or pay for their choice items. This is entirely due to a team member taking liberties and you are now out of pocket to the value of £50.

If you had a £50 note or 2 x £20 and a tenner in your pocket, you wouldn't allow someone to pick your pocket so why are you doing it?

emilybrontescorsett · 23/01/2020 13:55

I would still go out for lunch etc just order and pay for your own. Let her stand in the queue , walk away after offering and paying for your own.

emilybrontescorsett · 23/01/2020 13:55

I mean ordering not offering.

brassbrass · 23/01/2020 14:00

The system works with everyone else so you should continue with them and just ignore the CF.

CakeandCustard28 · 23/01/2020 14:01

If they say anything else you simply say “here are my bank details, please send me the £50 you owe me.” And leave it at that and ingore them.
Very bizarre that they think you should mummy them and buy their snacks and drinks.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 23/01/2020 14:09

There was a post than ran for ages that's almost identical to this one.

The special discount card at the sandwich shop wasn't it?
OP had the card and one CF wanted to blag it free all the time till OP had a standoff and got paid up!

OldEvilOwl · 23/01/2020 14:10

Let them go without/sit there with nothing. Why are they even in the queue if they have no money? You need to toughen up OP

AllyBamma · 23/01/2020 14:11

This reminds me of the lunch club CF thread! Never did get closure on that one did we.

OP, you need to put your big girl pants on and just carry on with the food as you were but without including this person until they’ve paid up. Why should everyone else lose out because of one entitled arsehole?

IntermittentParps · 23/01/2020 14:13

I have had a word, pointing out it’s stopped food bonding and they don’t see what is wrong. It’s now got to the point we don’t go out for lunch or offer to fetch snacks for each other. It’s a shame someone has ruined a good environment.

Sorry but you're the manager, so this is your responsibility.

Yes, she's been taking the piss, but you kept letting her. After the first non-payment you should have said, 'I'm off to the shop if anyone wants anything; X, I'll need the money now if I'm getting you something as you still owe me for last time.'

You need to have another word and do it better this time. Don't let it stop you having lunch out with the rest of the team. Make clear to her that, while you obviously can't stop her coming along to lunch etc, you won't be subsidising her for food.

Conflicted1212 · 23/01/2020 14:17

We are still eating, just not going out. I just think she is rude. It’s not an HR matter and the only thing I can do is to stop offering, which I have.

OP posts:
brassbrass · 23/01/2020 14:18

Why should it stop you going out though?

IntermittentParps · 23/01/2020 14:28

We are still eating, just not going out.
Well, I said 'on't let it stop you having lunch out with the rest of the team.'

AriadnesFilament · 23/01/2020 14:31

It is a management issue. Management and discipline isn’t just about performance and capacity, it’s also about behaviour as well. Which this is.

You’ve allowed this to get to this point. You’re the manager. Her behaviour isn’t on at all, but your management style has allowed it because you didn’t nip it in the bud right away when she did it the first time. You now need to tackle it from a management point of view because her behaviour has become a problem to team cohesion: “they're all complaining”
That means tackling her own behaviour with her individually, and unfortunately having a wider team conversation about this stuff including potentially setting expectations, and possibly even rules if necessary depending on their reactions.

You’re not their peer and this was never something that was on an equal footing. You let this go on far too long and now you’re stuck in a tricky spot. If this was a team member dealing with another team member and they’d tried to resolve it but failed they’d look to you to deal with it, because one team member’s behaviour was taking the piss and causing issues. You’ve shot yourself in the foot here by letting it get this far.

Biker47 · 23/01/2020 14:34

Them commenting about you earning more is more telling than anything else, how someone of working age can reasonably believe or argue that someone working above them, with more responsibility, consequently earning more has an obligation to pay for their things, is insane.

I'd say to ask them that if they go out with their mates; does the person who earns the most in their group, pay for their drink, but I've got a feeling they're the type of person who's first into the pub, and last to the bar, someone with deep pockets but short arms, so you'll likely get nowhere there.

IntermittentParps · 23/01/2020 14:36

Very well said, BiscuitBarrels.

Conflicted1212 · 23/01/2020 14:52

This set of behaviours is something as a manager I have addressed. Unfortunately as she is doing her job well there is little to performance manage. There is nothing I can do officially management wise as she is being a skint arse. Behaviours on how she treats others yes, which I have done. She is not doing it to others.

I hadn’t realised it had gotten so much till I totalled it up in my mind. It’s now stopped, and I need to write it off. hopefully it’s nipped in the bud.

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 23/01/2020 14:57

It's not really nipped in the bud in a satisfactory way if it's led to team lunches out not being possible.

Cocobean30 · 23/01/2020 15:00

I’m absolutely baffled at her entitlement! She is talking to you like you’re her parent?? Is this appropriate in your workplace? I would never speak to my boss like that!

user1471449295 · 23/01/2020 15:03

I’m sorry, you’re her manager? Confused

AriadnesFilament · 23/01/2020 15:04

*”This set of behaviours is something as a manager I have addressed. Unfortunately as she is doing her job well there is little to performance manage. There is nothing I can do officially management wise as she is being a skint arse. Behaviours on how she treats others yes, which I have done. She is not doing it to others.

I hadn’t realised it had gotten so much till I totalled it up in my mind. It’s now stopped, and I need to write it off. hopefully it’s nipped in the bud.*”

Then I’m confused. What is that you’re asking if it’s all dealt with?