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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Office mate free loading

159 replies

Conflicted1212 · 23/01/2020 13:08

Share an office with a new team mate and I am her manager, earning more. There are a few of us in the office This is not important, but think it is to them. Thing is whenever I go to the shop I always Ask if anyone wants things. It’s polite and the norm is for the other person to give you money for their own food/drinks etc. This person does not, claiming they don’t carry cash and will bank transfer you the money. They don’t.

Every occasion they take but never pay. Numerous Examples but few are:

Few us coming back from an early meeting. Decided to stop off at the canteen for breakfast. Office mate didn’t have any money on them. I offered to pay and pay me back later. The said person ordered a big breakfast, juice and coffee. Bit expensive, but going to pay me back. They didn’t. Got back to office and said will give bank details. Person ignored abc still ignored.

Went to meeting in the coffee shop. I bought another colleagues drink as they were going to be late. Said team mate stood awkward in queue saying forgot to bring money and was I buying other person a drink. I asked what they wanted, and they ordered an expensive drink, I paid. Other person offered me money I said ok as you got me a coffee other day. Team mate awkwardly stared at their drink, nothing said

It cracked the other day over 80p crisps. Went to shop, asked if anyone wanted something. Colleagues asked for stuff, gave me money. Teammate asked for crisps, said no money on them. I said oh well you are saving calories (fed up paying). Teammate went in a huff and commented why I can’t just get them some crisis as it’s charitable and they know they are saving for a house. I replied I am not paying for their food All the time and not a charity. They then said why ask, if not going to get them. I said was polite. I calmly explained over the 3 months I have paid £50 in coffee and food for them. when they said would pay back. The odd thing doesn’t matter, and in most instances this work themselves out (I buy a coffee them they the next etc)but it’s too much now as you never offer. They are now in a huff and saying I am mean. I should be able to pay for a few team treats as I earn more and i know they are skint. they just came back from a swanking weekend.

Thing is, I am not materialistic and buy a team breakfast or cakes in our monthly meeting. these are team treats. I went to the shop the other day without asking anyone if they wanted something and I am now being told I am rude.

How do I get them to realise that they are taking the mickey. Told them, but they seem to think it’s unreasonable. This person is very religious and young. Not too sure if it’s this or they are a freeloader!

OP posts:
Ilovenutellaaaaa · 23/01/2020 18:44

Stop paying for others treats, if they don't have money and miss out by being the only one sat there with nothing while everyone else is eating, it will be good lesson that you aren't a pushover and will follow through with no (when you say no, make sure you mean it)...also it will make them think twice, (if they want treats they will learn they have to pay for it)

LadyLightning · 23/01/2020 18:45

I dont agree with people who say not to pay for others things or offer at the shop. But I guess the rule is money up front. And I would tell her directly, I offer because it saves people a trip and it is a nice thing to do but I cant offer to get things for you because you dont pay for them. it is not my responsibility to help you save your money by spending mine.

Greenpolkadot · 23/01/2020 18:48

How many in your team are being cfers?

willowmelangell · 23/01/2020 18:50

Write off £50! Well that sends a bad message to the team* and as for cf deliberately not bringing in cash/snack/lunch words fail me!
*If my boss spent £50 on my team mate I would notice and be quite upset.
I have to work roughly 7 hours to see £50 in my pay packet.
I've let my boss buy me a 35p cut of tea when she has called an ad hoc team meeting in the staff canteen.

EnidBlyton · 23/01/2020 18:51

well done for standing up for yourself.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 23/01/2020 18:54

Why don’t you keep asking to get your money back from the people that owe you?! I don’t get it. Just keep reminding them every day until they give you your money back.

blueluce85 · 23/01/2020 18:55

I think you should definitely have cut it off before £50, and I haven't RFT but I do think the coffee when you had a meeting should have been paid by the company, or you, if you organised it and decided that's where you should meet.

I'd never expect to be told to come to a meeting in a coffee shop and have to buy my own coffee!!

whattodo2019 · 23/01/2020 18:56

Stop offering.. ridiculous

Nanny0gg · 23/01/2020 18:59

I must admit I have a problem with 'team lunches' when one or more of the team can't afford them. That's exclusion.

Offering to pickup food from a shop is a different matter, she doesn't have to have that.

strawberry2017 · 23/01/2020 19:01

If you can't afford it then don't ask for anything.
She's selfish.

Conflicted1212 · 23/01/2020 19:02

I am not a push over at work or a people pleaser. Just annoys me the one person is entitled. I have put an end to it. I have been there a year, and the culture was very single minded, no team playing. Changed that by having team lunches and a friendlier environment has cultivated.

OP posts:
BusyProcrastinator · 23/01/2020 19:03

Forget about getting the money back. Learn from it and don’t buy for her again.

If you want to keep asking the team when you go to the shop, do so. But conveniently forget her order. You’ll feel bad but she’ll take the hint. Or just ask the people who pay you back (but you might risk accusations of bullying). Forgetting her order a couple of times is safer. But it might be best to stop offering. Or take cash up front from all. Or start a kitty that people pay into if they want to be involved.

For team lunches, don’t buy for her. But try to pre-arrange some where people bring food, possibly to share- pot luck- so she has a cheaper option. That will help with team spirit including your own. She can have water at other times.

Branleuse · 23/01/2020 19:07

just say no way, you owe me about 50 bloody quid now. cash up front, or go get your own with your card. Not a fucking charity and not your mum. Also stop making this awkward. Its weird

MrMeSeeks · 23/01/2020 19:09

I wouldn’t stop the food bonding.
Just ask everyone if they want something from the shop bar her, if she asks why, remind her of the £50.
Go out for coffee, let her sit there with nothing if she doesn't want to pay.

Wonkybanana · 23/01/2020 19:10

Keep on asking people what they want from the shop, it's a nice thing to do. But say that it's now pay up front, and make sure the others very pointedly give you the money before you go. If you do that you're not treating her differently to the others, eventually she'll get the message and it may extend to her realising that she has to pay for her own lunch too.

There's a difference between calling a formal team meeting over a lunch, and a 'shall we all have lunch together' where you chat about everything except work and have a laugh. The first I would expect the company to pay for, the second no.

BunnytheBlueWhale · 23/01/2020 19:14

They then said why ask, if not going to get them
They make a very good point.

No because usually when people ask if you want anything from the shop it’s on the basis that you will pay.

They said they would pay you and so repeatedly asked for things, saying they’d pay you, but with no intention to pay.

If it is just one person (I didn’t understand this from your post) then ask those that will pay you back only and stand your ground with her.

If it’s a few then just don’t ask. I work in an office with people below me and sometimes I offer to get them a Starbucks or whatever but I don’t ask every time I go to a shop. I do think it’s silly of you to let it get to £50. The fact you kept doing it made her think you were ok with it.

So rude of her to order a full breakfast and two drinks and expect you to pay!

As for team meals you could do it on the basis that everyone pays in advance or puts a tenner / £20 in each or doesn’t go

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/01/2020 19:14

They are now in a huff and saying I am mean. I should be able to pay for a few team treats as I earn more and i know they are skint

At least you've got clarity here; it's glaringly obvious that she never intended to pay you back

Well done for not offering any more, and yes you'll probably have to write the £50 off, but I wouldn't stop the team meals. Just go anyway and if she sits and stares she can sit and stare

BunnytheBlueWhale · 23/01/2020 19:18

the culture was very single minded, no team playing. Changed that by having team lunches and a friendlier environment has cultivated

It hasn’t changed completely as she is still single minded.

Also even if she doesn’t carry cash, who doesn’t have a card on them or Apple Pay or something?!

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 23/01/2020 19:18

You sound a very weak manager

On one hand you say it’s an issue and it’s stopped team lunches and then backtrack and say all sorted and hasn’t affected anything

You let this drift and now you feel she’s taken the piss and is sulking
Just ignore it
Ask again for the money back
Refuse to buy her things but carry on as normal with everyone else

Why have you let is effect team behaviour? That’s why you are a weak manager

coconuttelegraph · 23/01/2020 19:20

I wasn’t intentionally being a push over, just can’t see someone starve

Have you mistyped manager for mother? You toatlly are being a pushover and she's taken full advantage

LEELULUMPKIN · 23/01/2020 19:22

I would have loved to see someone try this on with my colleagues and I back in the day.

Beautiful3 · 23/01/2020 19:23

Stop asking if anyone wants anything. Just go and get what you want. She is an absolute free leader. She feels entitled to your treats because you earn more money, she had no intention of ever paying you back.

Beautiful3 · 23/01/2020 19:23

Loader

NearlyGranny · 23/01/2020 19:27

Send the bank details again, and a dictionary definition of the word:

                 reciprocate
Bunnyfuller · 23/01/2020 19:34

The keep asking the team if they want something when you get it is totally too much! Do you need company to eat? Does no one bring in a packed lunch? Office jobs call for far healthier eating habits anyway, sitting all day and scoffing snacks is a recipe for a weight issue.

Stop buying their loyalty, or buying company for your eating.

Tell her directly that you are not her way of saving money on work food. It’s not terribly professional to be going out buying food anyway, and certainly not for a direct report.