Office mate free loading

[Conflicted1212]

Share an office with a new team mate and I am her manager, earning more. There are a few of us in the office This is not important, but think it is to them. Thing is whenever I go to the shop I always Ask if anyone wants things. It’s polite and the norm is for the other person to give you money for their own food/drinks etc. This person does not, claiming they don’t carry cash and will bank transfer you the money. They don’t.

Every occasion they take but never pay. Numerous Examples but few are:

Few us coming back from an early meeting. Decided to stop off at the canteen for breakfast. Office mate didn’t have any money on them. I offered to pay and pay me back later. The said person ordered a big breakfast, juice and coffee. Bit expensive, but going to pay me back. They didn’t. Got back to office and said will give bank details. Person ignored abc still ignored.

Went to meeting in the coffee shop. I bought another colleagues drink as they were going to be late. Said team mate stood awkward in queue saying forgot to bring money and was I buying other person a drink. I asked what they wanted, and they ordered an expensive drink, I paid. Other person offered me money I said ok as you got me a coffee other day. Team mate awkwardly stared at their drink, nothing said

It cracked the other day over 80p crisps. Went to shop, asked if anyone wanted something. Colleagues asked for stuff, gave me money. Teammate asked for crisps, said no money on them. I said oh well you are saving calories (fed up paying). Teammate went in a huff and commented why I can’t just get them some crisis as it’s charitable and they know they are saving for a house. I replied I am not paying for their food All the time and not a charity. They then said why ask, if not going to get them. I said was polite. I calmly explained over the 3 months I have paid £50 in coffee and food for them. when they said would pay back. The odd thing doesn’t matter, and in most instances this work themselves out (I buy a coffee them they the next etc)but it’s too much now as you never offer. They are now in a huff and saying I am mean. I should be able to pay for a few team treats as I earn more and i know they are skint. they just came back from a swanking weekend.

Thing is, I am not materialistic and buy a team breakfast or cakes in our monthly meeting. these are team treats. I went to the shop the other day without asking anyone if they wanted something and I am now being told I am rude.

How do I get them to realise that they are taking the mickey. Told them, but they seem to think it’s unreasonable. This person is very religious and young. Not too sure if it’s this or they are a freeloader!

[Mydogatemypurse]

Stop offering. Dont buy one more thing and e mail asking for money owed. I had to e mail a colleague repeatedly for something similar
I ordered an expensive make up item and got it delivered to the office. When it arrived it aasnt suitable so I said she could have it for less than I paid. 4 times I had to ask for the £20 but I got it. I will never do a favour to her again

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

I would now have a chat with the team as a whole and garner their thoughts going forwards in regards to food bonding

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I think YABabitU (though so is colleague). If you’ve developed a friendlier culture at work by, effectively, encouraging your team to “food bond” at their own expense it’s not entirely surprising that someone who is saving up may be a bit resentful about that. They can either spend money they don’t want because of pressure from their manager or be the odd one out (not joining or being the only one to bring their own). While many on your team may be fine with it it it’s not at all inclusive of those who do want to spend their money like that and they might well have a hard time saying that (or even realising where the pressure is coming from for some of them). Your new hire has said she doesn’t appreciate the expense yet you continued to try to encourage bonding in this way. I agree her attitude and way of handling this has been very poor, but you are the one who is encouraged this culture. You need to find something for people to bond over that does not rely on your team having to fork out. It’s not their responsibility to fund good work culture.

[Tfgjiknfr]

have been there a year, and the culture was very single minded, no team playing. Changed that by having team lunches and a friendlier environment has cultivated.

You could have achieved that without being a mug though 😂

[Karenie73]

I had the same issue ,someone kept asking me for a roll up in the bus shelter at work. I was getting highly fed up . These kind of people no what they are doing. Even if I have borrowed a nougat for some chocolate I always give it back. That way I know I can always ask again. The person who has lent the money never forgets

[Rose789]

A girl came to my team from another department in the same business. The old department had a spree card so the manager would constantly ask if people wanted drinks, go and get donuts or Starbucks or breakfast or pizzas it was the just norm on their department.
When she transferred to our department and someone would ask do you want anything from the canteen she just assumed it was the same sort of set up. It wasn’t. It lasted 2 days until the manager said your coffee costs £1.50 from the canteen you owe x £3 and y £4.50 and in future it’s better to pay before they go down if you do want anything saves having to keep track. Solved.

“Team bonding” over things that cost money can be difficult. I had an old manager that wanted us to lots of things as a team but it all involved money and I was skint. So Monday - Team breakfast
Tuesday- Starbucks before work
Wednesday- pizza after work
Thursday- quick drink after work
Friday- team bake off where each person had to bake.
I loved the team and loved the socializing but frantically saving for a house deposit had to come before team bonding

[RockinHippy]

*I’d be dealing with this as a disciplinary issue personally, since it seems from your OP that she’s doing this to other team members and not just you.
**
*Your her manager. Manage her.

This ⬆️


She's a CF & sees you buying treats as a perk of the job.

[RockinHippy]

It’s also not disciplinary matter as it’s not performance or capacity related. She is just rude or entitled.

Jeez OP find your backbone, you are not doing your job properly. It IS a disciplinary issue when her behaviour affects the rest of the team negatively, which it clearly is.

You've just shown her you are weak. She is going to make mincemeat out of you

[livefornaps]

Take a managerial shit in her desk drawer

[DeeCeeCherry]

You're a Senior. Manage your staff. I wouldn't even have got into a debate about it I'd have told her directly to stop asking for what she doesn't pay for. End of story. Any further argumentative nonsense - disciplinary. You need further senior training if you have to seek advice here on nipping this in the bud. It's hard being a manager when staff test your boundaries but it has to be done. They taking the piss because they can.

[MimiLaRue]

You're a Senior. Manage your staff. I wouldn't even have got into a debate about it I'd have told her directly to stop asking for what she doesn't pay for

Agree. I'm sorry OP but if you get paid a managers salary then you need to take responsibility for this and manage her. Thats what youre being paid to do.

[MimiLaRue]

Also, all the "team bonding" in the world is pointless if you are allowing her to take advantage of team members- it will breed resentment and will poison the workplace to the extent that no bonding exercise will help

[BoomBoomsCousin]

Also, all the "team bonding" in the world is pointless if you are allowing her to take advantage of team members

Not that it makes the colleagues treatment of OP okay, but the OP has said she isn’t doing this to other team members. So, to some extent, OP has more leeway in how to manage it.

[Scarydinosaurs]

I’m afraid this is work related as it is damaging for team morale. She owes you money. As her manager you shouldn’t have let it get this bad, nor let her backchat you in front of everyone.

[TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre]

If she doesn't carry cash, then surely she has a card. Let her use it when she's there in person. Don't buy her anything cashlessly.

I wouldn't feel too bad about excluding her. Chances are she has made her way through everyone else in the office at this stage, so everyone else will understand.

[Nanny0gg]

Whilst she has absolutely taken the piss, you're not listening.

She can't afford 'food bonding.' (What fresh hell is this?)

Team building shouldn't cost the Team any money. If you must do it, have it in the office with everyone bringing their own lunch in.

And if you all go out without her then you're still not recognising the situation

[TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre]

And I love these people who "don't carry cash". I tend not to have much cash in my wallet as I do use my card a lot. But.. If I knew I was going to be in a, situation that requires cash (like colleagues offering to go to the shop) then I'd stick a tenner in my wallet and use it.

She knows what's needed. She's just choosing to use others to get it.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I wouldn't feel too bad about excluding her. Chances are she has made her way through everyone else in the office at this stage, so everyone else will understand.

The OP has said she doesn’t do this to her peers, only to OP. Given her comments this seems to be very specifically about her thinking OP as her manager should be covering the team bonding expenses.

[Spidey66]

In my office, we nip out to the shop next door all the time and ask if anyone wants anything. If it's me, they'll give me money straight away. If they, say, are asking for an apple and only have a fiver, I'll let them off because I know they'd do the same for me so it balances itself out.

[Equanimitas]

This reminds me of the lunch club CF thread! Never did get closure on that one did we.

Yes, we did. CF eventually paid up.

[Highonpotandused]

It lasted 2 days until the manager said your coffee costs £1.50 from the canteen you owe x £3 and y £4.50 and in future it’s better to pay before they go down if you do want anything saves having to keep track. Solved.

This is the way to do it.

[Upstartcrones]

Its not a disciplinary issue. Buying food is not related to your role or the workplace policy of the company, therefore you cannot use a work system to process what is in effect a personal loan to you. If you did she could claim it was a misunderstanding based on your previous behaviour and you are harassing her.

You need to tackle this directly with her. I would have said so when you promised to pay me back that was a lie and you were being deceitful. You made a promise you need to honour it.

No more buying for people unless they give you the money upfront, its blurring the lines.

[Highonpotandused]

And I love these people who "don't carry cash". I tend not to have much cash in my wallet as I do use my card a lot. But.. If I knew I was going to be in a, situation that requires cash (like colleagues offering to go to the shop) then I'd stick a tenner in my wallet and use it.

My DH doesn’t carry cash, but then ends up paying for others with his card. I’ve told him adds up. I can’t believe these people who just take. I hate being paid for by colleagues.

[QueenOfOversharing]

@Conflicted1212 - I think PPs are being harsh and I honestly don't think you're to blame in this at all! This person is a CF and I can't believe anyone has the brass neck not only to do it, but to argue that they should be entitled to it! Fuck that.

I wouldn't stop doing team lunches out of the office - it's so shit that others miss out due to this. I would maybe send a memo round giving date for next one & state that anyone unable to afford it is not to be subsidised by any other member of staff as this leads to resentments over money owed, which is impacts on the team as a whole. Maybe even say a tenner up front to secure booking a table - in case the CF just comes along!! Wouldn't put it past them.

Oh, and when popping out, still ask if anyone wants anything, but tell her straight - until you reimburse me (BTW I put my bank details on your desk!!!!) I will no longer be subsidising your food. You CF. And all of MN agree. 😂

Good luck!

[Brefugee]

No because usually when people ask if you want anything from the shop it’s on the basis that you will pay.

not sure about that. Where i work if someone nips out to the bakery they usually asks if anyone wants anything. If they're going to pay for everyone they say that upfront. Otherwise cash in advance or on delivery. That's been the norm wherever I've worked (or informal turn and turn about with people who know each other really well)

OP you're not clear what the others think. Have they heard all this and think you're being mean? Have they heard all this and think "hang on, Conflicted isn't buying me anything" or how is it working.

If you have regular team meetings you could bring up team lunches. How it's good bonding and what do the team think - should you eat in the canteen and people who want to can bring their own, or eat out each paying for their own, eat in the meeting room and you all contribute something? And take it from there.