Office mate free loading

[Conflicted1212]

Share an office with a new team mate and I am her manager, earning more. There are a few of us in the office This is not important, but think it is to them. Thing is whenever I go to the shop I always Ask if anyone wants things. It’s polite and the norm is for the other person to give you money for their own food/drinks etc. This person does not, claiming they don’t carry cash and will bank transfer you the money. They don’t.

Every occasion they take but never pay. Numerous Examples but few are:

Few us coming back from an early meeting. Decided to stop off at the canteen for breakfast. Office mate didn’t have any money on them. I offered to pay and pay me back later. The said person ordered a big breakfast, juice and coffee. Bit expensive, but going to pay me back. They didn’t. Got back to office and said will give bank details. Person ignored abc still ignored.

Went to meeting in the coffee shop. I bought another colleagues drink as they were going to be late. Said team mate stood awkward in queue saying forgot to bring money and was I buying other person a drink. I asked what they wanted, and they ordered an expensive drink, I paid. Other person offered me money I said ok as you got me a coffee other day. Team mate awkwardly stared at their drink, nothing said

It cracked the other day over 80p crisps. Went to shop, asked if anyone wanted something. Colleagues asked for stuff, gave me money. Teammate asked for crisps, said no money on them. I said oh well you are saving calories (fed up paying). Teammate went in a huff and commented why I can’t just get them some crisis as it’s charitable and they know they are saving for a house. I replied I am not paying for their food All the time and not a charity. They then said why ask, if not going to get them. I said was polite. I calmly explained over the 3 months I have paid £50 in coffee and food for them. when they said would pay back. The odd thing doesn’t matter, and in most instances this work themselves out (I buy a coffee them they the next etc)but it’s too much now as you never offer. They are now in a huff and saying I am mean. I should be able to pay for a few team treats as I earn more and i know they are skint. they just came back from a swanking weekend.

Thing is, I am not materialistic and buy a team breakfast or cakes in our monthly meeting. these are team treats. I went to the shop the other day without asking anyone if they wanted something and I am now being told I am rude.

How do I get them to realise that they are taking the mickey. Told them, but they seem to think it’s unreasonable. This person is very religious and young. Not too sure if it’s this or they are a freeloader!

[katy1213]

If you all enjoy lunches together, carry on - just make it clear to her that if she wants to join in, she has pay for her order up front as she has form for not settling debts. If she mentions her religion, I might point out that stealing from colleagues is generally considered to be a sin.

I worked in an office where Friday lunches were a regular thing; we all split the bill, if you were broke/busy you missed a week, or suggested somewhere cheaper - don't ever remember any dramas.

[Lalala205]

@Zampa Ah yes! CF is so skint and worried about being left out of food bonding meetings. Hence she's compensating for her lack of money embarrassment by asking her boss to pay for fancy coffees, big breakfasts, orange juices, and crisps! If it was a genuine money issue you'd have a glass of water and say you weren't hungry!

[PuppyMonkey]

Food bonding? Shudder.

Tell CF colleague she still owes you £50 and ask her to pay you immediately.

How come she can’t carry cash, is she the Queen?

For all future food bonding experiences make sure everyone knows it’s every man/woman for themselves. Take it or leave it and accusations of meanness towards management will result in a disciplinary.

[seltaeb]

If she is on probation you could raise her not being a team player in her review.

[Conflicted1212]

@brassbrass thank you. Yes she. An bring her own food, it’s the staff canteen. It was not something she did everyday or time. It just sneaked through. I wasn’t intentionally being a push over, just can’t see someone starve. Professional behaviour I tackle, but being a tight arse I can’t. Only speak to her. Team lunches have halted, but I might ask if we want to do them again or eat in the office together. That way people can bring their own lunch.

I do have boundaries with my team, and it’s only her that is taking the piss.

[topcat2014]

I buy all my office Easter eggs, and chocolate Santa's, but other than that my money is my own. I would buy a pasty or whatever the first time but never the second.

[katy1213]

She won't starve!

[topcat2014]

Having said that, the company should fund team building refreshments

[PatellarTendonitis]

Oh, please! Starve? Get real. You've been a total mug. You just stop it. The only person stopping the team lunches is you because you don't have the backbone to just tell her NO.

[SabineUndine]

I would wait until she's on leave and organise a team lunch. I had a similar situation years ago with a colleague who earned more than me. She didn't pay me back for something I had bought for her and always ordered expensive extras off the menu then expected to split the bill. After about the third time, I never went to the shops for her or had lunch with her again.

[Lalala205]

When she was huffing and moaning that you should 'treat her'. Did other people in the office overhear? It's a pretty unprofessional manner to address your boss. And does she expect you to pay for all the team? Or just her because she's obviously your favourite 😂

[Pumpkinpie1]

I get the feeling from your comments that you desperately want to be liked and are very concerned about how you think others view you.

As a Manager being efficient and good at your job are more important

But by allowing this person to owe you £50 just shows you are a bit of a mug that won’t say anything .

I think you need to take a step back stop wanting everyone to like you- it’s impossible to please everyone and deal with this. Stop acting like the office junior and asking what people want from the shop

[ragged]

I think you're taking this a bit seriously...
I mean, FGS, don't buy her anything again, but so what if she doesn't eat?

Is she's malnourished in UK then she's probably got a severe MH issue, and you're not responsible for that. Reality is, probably, she's as well-padded as anyone. There is no 'starve' in the picture.

[eurochick]

For popping to the shop just ask for money in advance if you want the team to take it in turn to fetch things for others. For lunches just let her sit there. Remind her she can bring her own food to the canteen and leave it at that.

[Havingthetimeofmylife]

It is a work related issue tho - the way they spoke to you was massively disrespectful. As their Manager you are entitled to expect courtesy from your team member. I've had verbal warnings for much less back when I was a gobby junior

[Ihatesundays]

Classic CF behaviour, to make you feel like you’re the one in the wrong.
Every time you go to the shop and she asks, just say no, you owe me too much money. No other reply.
Don’t let her huffing stop you doing things as well.

[MimiLaRue]

"Hi CF work mate, I really need that money back now please, can you transfer it by X date"

Then for the love of God, STOP bloody buying her things. You should have stopped ages ago when she failed to pay you back the last time. You need to stand up for yourself a bit more OP because people will learn they can take advantage and treat you like a doormat. Its already happening with this person and it will only get worse if you dont end this now. You cant control her behaviour but you can sure as hell control yours and that means asking her in front of others for your money (embarrass her) and NOT buying her any more food.

[MimiLaRue]

Also, what do you mean "starve" this woman has a fcking job- she gets paid, she won't starve. You are being weirdly dramatic about this and it needn't be

[letmebefrank]

Send them a written request for reimbursement for all the food and snacks money you've fronted for them.

[letmebefrank]

She's basically a thief and a liar. And I'd tell her as much.

[sonjadog]

Go out for lunch. Let her sit there and watch you eat. She won't do it many times before she starts paying. She is not starving and you absolutely can sit and eat your lunch and let her sit there.

[Thinkingabout1t]

They then said why ask, if not going to get them
They make a very good point.

I don't agree, Messolini. It's part of a friendly work environment. I'd do the same with colleagues who weren't freeloading CFs. It's a pity OP's young colleague thinks the world owes her/him a living and has put an end to this pleasant custom.

[AwdBovril]

She's highly unlikely to starve. If she is hungry, she needs to bring or pay for food. You're her manager, not her mother.

And is "fostering good team relationships" not a performance matter? (Disclaimer - I'm not in HR or anything remotely similar!)

[northernlittledonkey]

I agree that the company should fund team lunches or team building refreshments. Not you!

[P1nkHeartLovesCake]

Nobody, NOBODY starves from missing one meal. At worse she’d be a bit hungry and I bet anything she’d remember her lunch from home the next day.

Woman up, stop making excuses ( I.e I couldn’t let her starve) and stop paying for people