AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

Wow - some people really don’t like to walk anywhere do they? This could all be resolved with a 15 minute walk but nope, she won’t do it. Would rather fall out with a pal and spoil her dd’s hobby. Then tells you it’s your fault.
Why can’t her dd walk alone? How is her dd ever going to get anywhere?

Having said that, I can see why she doesn’t want to walk it herself. We do nothing but put ourselves out for our kids, our lives dominated by their needs. Perhaps spending a Friday evening trudging out, after a week at work for her daughter’s hobby, is an ask too much. I can understand that. I might resent that too.

However, I’d send my 14 year out for the walk in a trice. I think she ought to make her daughter do so too.

Omg I read the beginning for the thread earlier in the week but I really can’t read 40 pages 😳😂 someone give me a very brief update pleeeeeease?!

Omg I read the beginning for the thread earlier in the week but I really can’t read 40 pages 😳😂 someone give me a very brief update pleeeeeease?!

OMG just RTFT

Omg I read the beginning for the thread earlier in the week but I really can’t read 40 pages 😳😂 someone give me a very brief update pleeeeeease?!

You can't be bothered to just zip through and read the OP's updates? Are you related to her friend?

Op, you have done amazing and should be proud of yourself.
I agree to not let another’s behaviour dictate the type of person you are 🥰

Just look for the OP’s highlighted posts, if you don’t want to waste time reading everything.

Be interesting to know what she would do if your car broke down and you were unable to get to the club.....
Or if your DD decided she didn't nr want to go to club anymore...

Need to catch up still, but so far:

IdontGetIt29, yeah you're right, I do need to model appropriate boundaries to my dd.

cakewench, I might let him have his moment in the sun as it doesn't come his way very often He is pretty great, in his own quiet way. 😊

SandAndSea, that's pretty good, I might just steal that text, if you don't mind!

Sickandscared, yes, I really don't want to lower myself to her level, it's just not me, and not the kind of example that I want to set my dc. That conversation also sounds pretty good, so I may nick some bits from there too.

Arya, I agree, I thinks she's trying to save face without admitting any fault, which is why I've ignored it.

choc and others, you're not wrong, and I'm really stressed by it all, but determined not to back down.

I'm not sure what I'll do face to face if she/they turn up tomorrow. Will keep reading the rest, but wanted to post this bit as I've somehow lost the rest of the last post I wrote out!

I work full time. I'm tired. I haven't got time to read the whole thread! 🤣

Op your daughter is old enough - and sounds mature enough - to understand how things have got to this point. As long as you support her with any fallout at school with the 'friend', she may well be relieved. She might have wanted to end this for a while but can't while you have a regular Friday night agreement.

You may not feel it but you’re doing really well!

And as she’s drifted abs you don’t see her that often anymore it’s not really a friendship is it?

Plus you probably won’t see her for dust once the girls leave school.

I agree with @wonkybanana - if your dd was having issues with this girl before, she may be relieved for the "friendship" to end - sometimes our dc get there faster than us! I found it really gratifying learning what a good judge of character my dc were.

She sounds like a grade A CF, & I feel slightly sorry for her DD, with someone like that as a role model.

Stick to your guns, OP. The dogsitting no longer works for you. I would tell her that you're now very stressed & don't think you can keep this commitment, & if she expects otherwise it's really "not on".

Can anyone summarise? I started on the first thread but got lost and there’s a lot to read through

You really dont need to read it all, the OP's posts are all you need to know what's happened.

She won’t turn up. Grab a coffee while you’re there and cancel the dog sitting.

I’m stunned that this is all because CF is too bloody lazy to walk for less than ten minutes

And for about three weeks. After Feb half term it will be light!

Sorry you’re having to deal with this OP. Never cease to be amazed by how some people choose to behave!

This CFery at its finest!

I’m livid on your behalf!

Wow just caught up on the thread, she really is a cheeky manipulative fucker, I feel very sorry for her own Dd.
I used to be a people pleaser, I did lose some “friends” once I started saying no/being unavailable BUT I also made new friends, friends who I feel I have an equal footing with. Life is definitely less stressful now.

"Dcff
I am a saddened by the drama that has happened since I asked for one concession that would help me. After giving lifts for years, shopping trips and parcel delivering I think, after your final text, that we have come to the end of our friendship. Please don't contact me again and take this as notice that I won't be available add dog sitting to the list of favours that I've done for you. All the best"

And tbh I'd block. I'd also show the list of texts to your dd so she's fully able to update friend on what actually happened.

Wow OP I've read the whole 1st post and this one so far you did great ! dont look after her dog....I noticed felix disappeared.....

Has your daughter said she’s happy to go to the club alone?

I think the CF is gambling on her daughter’s presence being the pull.

Do you think she thinks she does you a favour by going?

If this carries on for much longer I’d knock all the lifts and help on the head otherwise I bet you’ll still be expected to help out and take a barrage of abuse whenever she fancies it. Not fair on her DD but she’s old enough to be realising her mums behaviour is to blame. If she doesn’t see it now she soon will. You’re being super fair and kind in all of this. I would have lost my sh*t by now xxx