AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

I know you're upset and angry OP but such positives have come out of this for you and your dd. You've developed your boundaries and demonstrated to your daughter how to deal with tricky situations, be firm, be fair, establish boundaries and call out cheeky fuckery. You've been a great role model in this and by discussing things with dd you've made her aware of the thought processes involved and how you've tried to be kind but without being taken advantage of anymore. You reached your tolerance level and dealt with it brilliantly. I wish I'd had someone to teach me boundaries like that. Enjoy your much deserved drink and your weekend

Cross post with Snog

I’d be so upset about it too. Hope you’re ok

Op...remember tomorrow another day and you lucky to get rid of this none friend so easily. You have done nothing wrong. I bet your dd and dh proud of how you dealt with this. Going forward no more text to cf and no more contact. You just people who live in same srea. Sleep op and be proud of yourself

The mum hasn't read my text yet, (can see when it's read), but my dd came down to say she's had a message from the dd asking where we were and that they're having to walk home. She hasn't replied back, and I've told her to ignore it for today (at least) and go to sleep as we've a busy day tomorrow.

It's about an hour 20 minutes to walk, I think.

Maybe I'm meant to feel bad, but the good news is I'm on my 2nd glass of wine, so don't much care atm and even if I did feel guilty I can't drive as I've been drinking.

You’ve handled this beautifully.

Especially as you have acknowledged yourself that you’ve been a people pleaser. Not everyone is born assertive.

Your daughter will be watching and learning too.

Onwards and upwards

I just can't see why they couldn't pay for a taxi to your house. Why does her mum need to go to the club with her, anyway?

That's just mindfuckery, using her DD to contact via your DD. A normal adult would have called on their phone. Oh well.

Let's be real, they're getting a taxi but saying they're walking. It's an obvious guilt-trip. Enjoy your drink, watch some TV or Mumsnet chat and sod them!

Serves her right! Well done OP.

The cheeky fuckery on this just blows me away.

So she completely ignored your earlier message but expected you to be waiting around for her outside in your car whilst she talked to the club staff?!

The audacity of this woman!

Well I bet 10-15 min walk won’t seem so bad now they have done well over an hour!

Well done on standing your ground. Have you contacted her to say you won’t be looking after the dog?

The update makes their CFery even worse. They expected you to wait for them and didn’t even bother to communicate it. She’s got some nerve.

What a sad situation, OP.

You have done all that you could. Enjoy your wine.

and that they're having to walk home

I really doubt they are walking an hour and twenty minutes home.

My guess is the mum stayed behind to ask the coach if there was anybody else in the club who lived in the same area and who would be able to give her daughter lifts.

The only possible answer the coach can give is to say ‘I’ll ask around’.

From the sound of the daughter’s text, the mother may not be disclosing the whole picture to her daughter.

That, however, is between them.

I’d block her now tbh OP.

More of the same, using her daughter to score points.

Shame on her.

OP, I have just caught up on both threads. Just wanted to say that as a non-driver with kids, I fully support you and think you have every right to adjust your arrangement.

I would not allow my children to start a club where we would rely on someone else for a lift every week. It wouldn't be fair on anyone. I would ensure that we had an alternative plan, be that taxi, bus, walking or whatever, and if lifts were offered, I would make a point of asking if we/my child could meet them somewhere more convenient, pay towards petrol money, but then a coffee or whatever. driver

My children understand that we have to walk most places because we don't drive. They moan sometimes, they're kids, but that's life. I would never allow them to expect ongoing favours.

You've handled this so well whiskey, I'm sorry it's ended up this way, it must have been so stressful and upsetting. Do not let them make you or your dd feel in any way guilty that they're "having to walk home". It is a problem totally of their own making, and seems like staying behind is something likely done on purpose, so you would leave and make them feel extra hard done by. The woman is an absolute doughnut, she's well and truly cut her nose off to spite her face, and I'm sure will be feeling rather sorry for herself when she realises that she's burned her bridges with you. Stay strong, you've handled his so well, and have shown your daughter how to be kind and caring, whilst also being assertive and refusing to be treated like a doormat.

She’s definitely made her daughter send that message. Don’t feel bad at all, she’s cut her nose off to spite her face: you’re not responsible for her appalling choices.

OP I've been following but not commenting yet as I know I'm a fairly CF non driver but I know I'd at least offer money, wine or actual friendship where this CF has not.i wouldn't askin first place either! God, this CF is so wrong. Can I tell you that you're awesome and I wish your "friend and DD' recognised it and if they don't.... well let them spread their poison but know you've behaved/acted so well xxxxx

Oh for gods sake, friends mum is an arse. So she ignored you all day and didn’t reply to your texts but expects you to sit around waiting on her?
Don’t text back. Don’t let your dd text back.
Leave them to it and if she gives you any grief tell her you’re not going to sit around randomly waiting on people who don’t have the decency to respond to messages where they’re actively being offered favours, off they can’t respond to at least decline the offer then why should you assume they’re expecting anything else of you?

Omg wtf!!! She is absolutely bat shit crazy!
What a manipulative bitch, her daughter too!

You've done the right thing, I know it's upsetting but I would completely forget about this CF and no way would I be taking the dog!!

I would have said surely she doesn't expect you to take dog after all this but she has shown no cop on so far so who knows!

I feel like she might have deliberately stayed back, missed you for a lift home, so she had something else to have a go at you about. She sounds like an absolute nutter.

I also think she stayed behind to get the leader to ask around for someone else to give lifts.

The other mother is trying to bend you to her will when you're the one doing her a favour. Just astounding. Very immature behaviour.

Keep your anger. If you snap at her even in front of the DDs I think she'll respect you more, and the DD respect your DD more.

They are in an uber.

I’d be tempted to drive up and down the route just to see if they are walking (obvs not now, after the wine) and maybe roll the window down and shout ‘good evening ladies’ as I slowly drive past blasting Lizzo’s Good as Hell.

But I’m a c* like that.