AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

Good grief. Stop trying to be honourable. She's a CF and her child is just as bad.

Stop bloody offering lifts. Take your child to the hobby and forget all about them. Encourage your child to find other friends who are actually respectful.

I'd leave early tonight, take your girl out for a treat to cheer her up beforehand and forget all about them. Stop rewarding shitty behaviour. And if the other kid is stupid enough to go to yours despite her mum's behaviour and her bullying, it'll do her no harm to walk back 10 mins and realise that being a little shit = you miss out on things.

Keep us posted

What a nightmare. I hate asking people for lifts but if I had to I would bend over backwards to make sure I made it as easy as possible.

Good luck OP. Shame her stubborness is affecting her DD but that's not on you.

If my daughter came home from school saying her "friend" had ignored her all day and only spoke to her to get a dig in, I'd be ringing the mother and telling her that I thought it best that her daughter not look for a lift off me.

Also OP was told not to contact the mother again regarding the lift. Her daughter was going to be home early. With plenty time between then and 6pm to find out what might be happening.

I'm a people pleaser. I get it. But I have my limits. And I'm surprised the OP is still going with "I'll honour my commitment". Why?

Mother or daughter don't deserve it and look down their noses at you, OP, for "continuing to be difficult". But if you're happy to have a 14 year old who thinks you are being difficult and doesn't mind voicing that then that's that.

But I think you absolutely need to work on your assertiveness and your boundaries.

I was 100% with you up until this evening. I even agreed that I understood what you mean about continuing to be the way you are even if it means some people take advantage. What should happen though is a person gets one chance after taking advantage. After that they're gone.

Christ on a bike! You offered to do her a massive favour and have done that favour for over 2 years! She is the most entitled CF ever. Her DD sounds as entitled as she is.

You’ve been so nice OP, I hope it goes ok this evening and your DD has a lovely time.

There really wasn’t any need for any of this.l, a genuine friend would have been grateful for the favour in the first place/ have offered petrol money over the years and would never have tried to railroad you into changing the FAVOUR to her terms. Have I said the word favour too much?

I’m about to leave to walk for 20minutes to take DS to BB’s after working ALL DAY! Could you just pop to the north of Scotland to pick me up OP? I’m very tired from working.

good luck OP - and do remember to prioritise YOUR DD

You’ve been nothing but generous with this awful woman. You don’t owe her a thing so please don’t feel bad. You’re clearly a very kind person and she’s done nothing but take advantage. Please don’t back down to her. You’re doing great!

I do think you've crossed a line back over to people pleaser with trying to honour your commitments. I think the other mothers treatment of you and her daughters treatment of your dd would negate any arrangements I'd made sharpish.

If they show up, ask her dd why she’s taking this nonsense out on your dd.

Good luck op! I've just caught up on both friends after reading on and off when I've had a chance today (I wish there was a way to view only the op's messages on phone internet!)
I can't believe how terrible she has been.

I don’t think that they will go, I think that’s why the ignoring has happened

OP, you mean well but your boundaries are very poor.

I think you should focus on the message you are sending your OWN DD.

I'm an adult and I'm finding your priorities confusing.

Your child is being treated badly in school by this girl that she has had issues with before, who impedes her making new pal's at the club.......yet you are continuing to bend over backwards to accommodate this other girl, against your own child's best interests.

I think it is so important to advocate for our children, to have their back, to let them know that they are who is most important to you, especially when they are such a great child, as your daughter is.

Why the hell would your child want to be in the car this evening with that little madam who has shunned her all day.

Honestly OP, please put your child ahead of your own ego in this matter, which IMO needs to feel "honourable", and is what you are prioritising.

I mean the above with kindness.

I agree MzHz. They can’t have been that into or enjoyed the club that much, to have given it up over an 8 minute walk. Stupid people.

Your poor dd. I hope there isn't an atmosphere if she turns up.

18 more minutes n then u start... waiting eagerly for the outcome today

The final countdown...

Agree 100% with billy1966.

I'd not want to do a favour to a girl who'd been nasty to my dc.

good luck

Two minutes to go - better go out and get the engine started OP, get that car warmed up and ready to go .

If your DD had stopped going to the club or had a new interest that cashed you wouldn't be taking her DD anymore would you. Just because someone agrees to help you it never means "until your DC gives up x"

She is such a CF to be so spiteful about it all.

Given your updates today it's easy to see where the dd gets her entitledness from.
No loss to you or your dd if they don't show op.
Let her move on to another sucker...
Because she is a leech imo.

The fact that this girl ignored your DD all day would be the end of it. NO lifts, its done.

How can you give her a lift knowing this?

People seem not to have read the post where OP said that she sent the latest text BEFORE her daughter came home and told her about the friend's behaviour at school.

I'd be out that door now away without them. Do not reward bad behaviour.