Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

999 replies

Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 12:51

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

OP posts:
RubysRoo · 24/01/2020 16:15

You are a good person @Whiskeychaser and I think you can have a clear conscience. It is good you have done all you can. The world needs more people like you. And I'm also glad you are doing so without boundaries in place.

Thought of you today when a friend made a very cheeky request pretending she was doing me a favour when actually I'd have been driving over an hour out of my way to help her. If you don't have the good conscience to ask with proper please and thank you, then really you shouldn't be rewarded.

IdontGetIt29 · 24/01/2020 16:19

I wouldnt feel sorry for a girl who tried to guilt trip my child and then ignored her all day, I understand her mum is a massive influence on her but it was the girls decision to ignore her friend all day wasnt it

Strangers on the internet cant make you do a thing but if you want healthy boundaries you nees to retract your offer after finding out your DD has been made to feel uncomfortable all day

Why would you want to give her a lift after today? She made or tried to make your DD feel bad/ignored her all day and now maybe gets a free lift there and back with no repurcussions?? Whattt??

Its gone past having a cleae consious now, theyve been really shit to your DD twice now. Remove them from your lives

Original poster
Whiskeychaser · 24/01/2020 16:21

PickwickThePlockingDodo, I'd already texted her before I knew about that.

I don't really know if this is all coming just from the mum, from the dd, or a mixture of both. If it's just the mum, I do really feel for her dd (as she's the one who will miss out), which is why I decided to send one last text.

Will try to update when I can later. Hopefully she just turns up, though I think I'd still have to clear the air with the mum at some point.

OP posts:
whiskersonkittenss · 24/01/2020 16:34

I agree with @IdontGetIt29

I wouldn't have my DD around a girl who's left her out all day. Not fair on her

Sicario · 24/01/2020 16:41

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

Stompythedinosaur · 24/01/2020 16:42

Surely the dd won't have the nerve to show up after ignoring your dd?

I think you've done well to stick to your guns. Think how nice it will be to focus on your dd!

BasinHaircut · 24/01/2020 16:43

You definitely have to have a word with the mum if the daughter does turn up tonight. She owes you a huge apology, especially if she expects you to continue doing her a favour.

LazyDaisey · 24/01/2020 16:43

If she does turn up, you need to tell her / them that her behaviour with your DD wasn’t on and that this is between you mums. Tell her this is a final warning and next time all lifts stop immediately.

Longwhiskers14 · 24/01/2020 16:43

My dd has pretty much been ignored by this dd today, apart from her saying that if I'm going to continue to be so difficult her mum will not allow her to go at all, although she also intimated that they would be trying to find someone else to pick them up if I won't. She then stayed away and didn't speak to her for the rest of day.

That would be the absolute deal breaker for me. I get why you texted again, before you'd spoken to DD about her day at school, because you are clearly a nice person, but them emotionally blackmailing your child and shunning her all because the mum can't be arsed to walk is beyond the pale. DO NOT give them a lift home tonight, OP, not under any circumstances.

Nanasueathome · 24/01/2020 16:47

It will be interesting if they get a taxi to the venue, as they did last week, but then still expect a lift home from you

BercowsFlyingFlamingo · 24/01/2020 16:48

Wow, what a horrible person she is.

PattiPrice · 24/01/2020 16:50

I wouldn't have my DD around a girl who's left her out all day. Not fair on her

This.

Tbh while your intentions are good, your eagerness to be fair to this girl is at the cost of your own daughter’s wellbeing.

It is all very well saying you are involving your daughter in these texts and suggestions but she is only fourteen years old and she is the person dealing with this face to face and being treated badly while you text from the safety of your home.

I think you need to rethink your priorities.

HairyDogsOfThigh · 24/01/2020 16:51

I'm with you OP. I would have sent that last text as well. Maybe i am a pushover, but i know i can sleep at night with a clear conscience, knowing i did all i could and knowing it's not the dd's fault her mother is a cf.
I do wonder if all these pp's urging you to react against your natural instincts would themselves behave like they suggest you do. I want to live in a world where people do nice things, so this is what i model and yes, there is a line beyond which I won't be taken advantage of, but mostly, i take the attitude of 'if i can, i will'.

cologne4711 · 24/01/2020 16:51

I'm not sure why you have to try your best at all.

Her choice not to walk to your house.

And her choice, once having had a child, to have not bothered to learn to drive in FOURTEEN years.

And you've done her favours for two years.

Oh well, you're clearly a much nicer person than I am.

mbosnz · 24/01/2020 16:53

Just how pleasant is the atmosphere going to be in the car if they do come?! Or if they taxi there, and then assume you will drive them home, regardless of them having treated you and your DD like shit on their shoe?

PattiPrice · 24/01/2020 16:54

Maybe i am a pushover, but i know i can sleep at night with a clear conscience, knowing i did all i could

.....at the expense of her young daughter who is being led by her mother just as the other girl is being led by her mother. The OP’s daughter is the one dealing with the fall out and I could not sleep with a clear conscience knowing I am partly response for that.

Drum2018 · 24/01/2020 16:54

Tbh while your intentions are good, your eagerness to be fair to this girl is at the cost of your own daughter’s wellbeing.

It is all very well saying you are involving your daughter in these texts and suggestions but she is only fourteen years old and she is the person dealing with this face to face and being treated badly while you text from the safety of your home.

I think you need to rethink your priorities.

@PattiPrice you have nailed it! I cannot for the life of me understand why op is bending over backward so to placate the CF and her dd. Meanwhile her own dd is being treated like shit.

aNonnyMouse1511 · 24/01/2020 16:55

Keep us posted.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/01/2020 17:09

I put up a fence.

Nomorelaundry · 24/01/2020 17:09

Got to be honest. That New Years resolution isn't going great.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 24/01/2020 17:11

Yep, the girl is effectively bullying your daughter. She is overbearing and your daughter has had trouble with her in the past. Why are you persisting on insisting they remain friends, and insisting you don't want her daughter to miss out?

Put YOUR daughter first. You are facilitating her being bullied. You are still running back to the mother offering your services.

She's not a pleasant person. Her daughter is not a pleasant person. Why are you continuing to force your daughter into a, relationship that is difficult for her.

No lifts. Ever. If she stops going to the club that is not your responsibility. And you don't have to feel sorry for her "missing out". I imagine she "misses out" on very little.

My friend was in a similar situation. Offered a lift to a friend of her son. Within a few weeks found out the friend was infact bullying her son and making smart arse comments about her and their car. She rang the dad that day and said she couldn't collect him anymore.

The child still found a way to get to the group.

There's being nice, and affable, and helpful, and there's being naive. Why are these people being put ahead of you and your daughter because effectively that's what you're doing. You don't like the woman's attitude. You don't like the girl's attitude. You don't like that your daughter is being targeted now.

Yet here you are still planning on bringing her tonight.

🤷🏻‍♀️

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/01/2020 17:13

Only just caught up with the whole bloomin' drama (can't believe that woman hasn't yet realised she is being a complete CF!).

Am now totally over-invested and waiting for 6pm!

L0bstersLass · 24/01/2020 17:19

@greenfinferswouldbehandy
Totally with you on this!

@TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre
I think that's a bit harsh on the OP. She didn't know until her daughter came home that there had been unpleasantness today. In my view it's right to stick with the planned arrangements for tonight and then re-evaluate the situation.

MrsPerfect12 · 24/01/2020 17:21

Hope it goes well tonight.

tweedler · 24/01/2020 17:22

I'm with you, OP, and think your text was perfect.

I couldn't be too angry with other DD, more just feel for her. Our parents are who we learn our behaviors from, and it seems that the one role model she does have isn't a very considerate one. Which is really sad.