AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

Just adding my two pennies - apologies if it’s already been said. The cf has a dog! Surely a 15 minute stroll/dog walk around the block to drop her DD off at your house would be perfect at that time of the evening, especially if the poor doggie has been left alone in the house all day whilst cf has been sooo busy at work! It’s a moot point now anyway as I absolutely agree I wouldn’t be giving either of them a lift after the last few texts you’ve received and the upset she’s caused your DD.

Plenty of children 11-17 are up and out at 7:40am catching bus or walking to their school and getting home gone 6. Some on their own . Sheesh, her 14 year old has legs!

The 7-10 mins walk to your house at 5:40pm really shouldn't ever have been an issue at that age, to make it easier. Her arguments about how you're inconveniencing her, (you with your vicious favour doing!?!) are all self serving and with more holes than a golf course!

Glad you're not texting her again.

I don't know how you come back from all the unpleasantness she's made for you and your DD.

For your sake I hope her DD doesn't turn up tomorrow. You don't need anymore migraines

Hi, I've read all your posts on both threads. TBH, I think this is a blessing and that your dd will positively blossom if she were to go to the club alone.

Good luck to both you and your dd tomorrow; you're both and so is your dh.

When someone kicks off really unreasonable about a favour that you’ve stopped doing, I think it is a very good sign that you’ve done the right thing OP. Bullies like that will kick back.

I’d wonder if it’s like the ‘Extinction Burst’ in applied behaviour techniques on psychology. If someone has a ‘bad Behaviour’, like a child hitting another or in your case, a CF thinking you are her personal taxi - and then you do an intervention e.g. do not reward hitting with attention or deny CF your taxi service...

It can result in a marked increase of bad behaviour e.g. increased hitting or with CF - being even worse.

It’s called an extinction burst.

Before that person learns to stop hitting / being a CF with you, they will increase their behaviour before it all sinks in that nope, it’s not going to happen.

There are graphs!

study.com/academy/lesson/what-is-extinction-in-conditioning-definition-lesson-quiz.html

Atm, I can't see a way back from this for our friendship, such as it was.

If I'm honest, it's really coloured my opinion of her, and although I'd still continue taking her dd to club, I'd be withdrawing all other favours if her dd doesn't turn up before 6pm on Friday.

Oops - just refreshed and seen it has already been mentioned about the dog - sorry! . As you said though op, the cf wouldn’t be happy with that suggestion because it wasn’t her idea or decision. You can’t argue with crazy so don’t waste your breath any more. YADNBU.

Good luck tonight OP and well done for being such a great role model for your DD xx

Good luck! I'm not sure which outcome I'm hoping for. Maybe CF turning up with a nice present and an apology for you and an admission that she's been out of order, but I suspect that is extremely unlikely. I'm guessing she will force her daughter to quit.

Why can’t the kid cycle to yours? 10 min walk is a 5 min cycle and it’s safer ? Cf. We cycled everywhere at her age, dark nights included.

I've just read both threads and this is insane! I'm horrified for you, but also very intrigued! I forgot for a second that this is UK time and I'm in Australia, so I'll have to wait longer than I thought to hear your Friday night update

Good luck tonight!

So glad you've decided not to msg another reminder. She really doesn't need another one. Please don't msg her unless it's to put a stop to the favours. "Don't poke the beast."

How old did you say dd is? She sounds very mature and level headed.

@3luckystars that's the first bit of rapping i've ever done in my whole life

@Whiskeychaser stand firm

I'd be withdrawing all other favours if her dd doesn't turn up before 6pm on Friday.

I completely understand withdrawing favours completely. But why make it conditional on the girl turning up when it’s not you but her (and her mother) who misses out if she doesn’t come to yours for a lift? It just sounds like you’re opting into playing power games tbh.

Asserting your preference and standing your ground was the right and grace thing to do, but I think you may face to ask yourself if you’re now at a point of getting a frisson from the tension and wondering what the woman will do next, not to mention the MN interest.

Oh great typo fail
grace = brave

face = have

Kate I think both girls are 14.

@3luckystars I definitely sang as I read.

@Whiskeychaser if you're in the Cambridgeshire area, can we be best friends. I think I love you.
P.S I have my own car 😉

If she can't see 'who's right in the situation' send her a link to this and the previous thread as it's pretty unanimous that she's taking the piss!

@Whiskeychaser

Having read both threads I am shocked at the audacity of this cheeky fucker!! 😮😮 she's caused all this drama because she doesn't want to walk 10 fucking minutes to make a supposedly good friend's life a little bit easier. I don't mean this to be harsh but you seemed to be doing so well in your first thread at staying strong and firm but now its seems more that you're backing down which you absolutely shouldn't! Wake the fuck up OP this woman is not you're friend she's using you and because she can't get her own way she's now trying to regain control/the upper hand by going through your daughter! That's petty, immature and passive aggressive and I'd be stopping all favours as of now.

I also think OP she's jealous and resentful of you because she's a single working mother and you're not which isn't your problem and from the sounds of it you have more than enough on your plate as it is and plenty of single mums have to manage alone that doesn't mean she's entitled to use you as her unpaid P.A/taxi/babysitter/dogsitter just because she's a single parent! Also her DD no longer attending could be a bit of a blessing in disguise as that leaves your DD free to develop new and hopefully healthier friendships.

Going forward OP I'd advise you send one last text saying the following:

Hi XXXX (insert name)
In light of your recent behaviour I am no longer willing to drive your dd to club and drop off home aftwards. This also goes for me taking in your parcels, dogsitting and any other favour since you don't appreciate all the help I've given you in the past so best go find someone else to mug off in the future!

OP if it helps get pissed off and unleash your inner bitch on this cheeky fucker its the only lanaguage they understand 😉🤣

Atm, I can't see a way back from this for our friendship, such as it was. what she wanted.

You didnt have a friendship on her side.She used you to get what

OP, you have been nothing but kind, reasonable and helpful to this woman. You really don't deserve to be treated like this. Please use this to end this 'friendship '. The way you have handled thos has been an excellent example to you daughter.

Do people like fins actually exist? She is so important she couldn’t possibly walk 10mins for the huge favour you’re doing her? Also if she doesn’t come to the club every week she gets a couple of child free hours at home
each week- has she ever taken your children so you can have the same benefit? If someone was doing me the massive favour of a few hours of peace on a Friday night I of
Course would walk to them I would have suggested that from the beginning. She sounds so entitled it’s embarrassing that she feels right in this situation!

Like this*

Today is the day. Good luck op!!