AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

OP, you have got this! Don't message her before hand and for the love of god, update us all!
@nzeire I am too. Almost prepared to set an alarm for 5am to check in on whiskey.

I had a friend that refused to accept arrangements that didn't suit her with had no consideration for other people's needs. She was overbearing and struggled with housemates.

Eventually she fell out with our circle of friends and now goes through friends very quickly. She does have her good points, she's determined, persistent, confident and is very good at organising events. She is a bit rigid in her attitude but best in small doses.

I can spend small amounts of time with her but have to work hard to not be pushed into doing things I don't want. It is often easier to go along with what she wants despite not wanting to. Resentment builds up and then we fall out. She hasn't changed or mellowed out; she actually seems more pushy than ever.

She falls out with everyone and despite being told why many people why she is upsetting family, friends, staff etc, she won't/can't change.

OP, you are doing very well. You are standing up for yourself, and are great example to your daughter. Reading what your daughter has said, and how she is handling things, she sounds mature, level-headed and I think she is a credit to you.

I wonder if your DD is experiencing a sense of relief at the thought of her "friend" not attending the activity with her any more?

You have said that she doesn't want the friend coming straight home with her from school, and that the other girl is very jealous of her time etc - maybe your DD is thinking this could be her chance to get away from what may have become an oppressive friendship?

If so, and she chooses not to turn up, it would certainly be a win-win situation for you and your DD.

Stick to your guns. No reminder. Leave promptly at 6. It sounds like your dd would prefer it if she didn't turn up.

I actually think them turning up tomorrow begrudgingly to let you give her DD a lift and allow you to try to make amends is probably the worst outcome of this.

I would be so cross with how they’ve treated you (and mostly your DD) that lifts would now be out of the question. They really have burned their bridges as far as I’m concerned.

Posting for update tonight

I’m so glad you’re not going to remind her.
I’m wondering if she will
a) have given her head a wobble and dd with be at yours by 6 and go on to try to brush it all under the carpet
b) turn up at club in a taxi again but trot off behind you for a lift home.
c) follow through by not turning up and cut her (and her dds) nose off to spite her face.

I hope it’s a, however if I were you I would be less forthcoming with the favours unless it’s something you really want to do. It might be b - less likely as it didn’t work last week so think she may well do c as she’s been doubling down with this. I do think that if she does she (and her dd) will follow up with another week of emotional blackmail along the lines of I/ my dd was so upset to miss club and she’s going to have to give it up and it’s all because of your mum/you so I’ll give you one more chance to put things right and you can pick me/ her up as normal next week.

Well played OP-the force strong with this one it is!

I'm placing my bets on option (c) !

Whiskeychaser you’ve done brilliantly at standing your ground in this situation. It genuinely sounds like she think she does you a favour! It’ll be interesting to see what she does tonight.

I think I may need to get a life as im dying to find out what happens tonight

@Whiskeychaser blimey she’s a one isn’t she.

I’ve read through all of your updates and it seems to me if the daughter stops coming to club then your DD May stand to grow in confidence and make new friends.

If she doesn’t turn up at 6pm then great.

You also may meet new friends through the others a club.

One door closes and all that.

Sending strong thoughts and completely gobsmacked at the CFUCKERY of the woman!

Option c

Just want to say I can tell you’re a nice person, your hearts in the right place and I think you’re being very mature
(I keep thinking I would send her a text saying “FUCK OFF THEN YOU UNGREATFUL TWAT!’

good luck for later

Good luck tonight

I've read both threads in full. I think it's got a bit ridiculous now & lots of posters are adding to this with their suggested, really long, aggressive or passive-aggressive texts you should send. For your part OP, tho you sound absolutely lovely, you're fuelling it too.

Keep the offer of the lift open, but don't engage further. Her DD turns up before 6, give lift, say nothing further to CF 'friend'.

Her DD doesn't turn up. Say nothing, do not reply to any further communications.

People here are being somewhat hysterical. Of course erstwhile friend is not that at all & a total CF but no harm to keep the offer of the lift there, it's just decency. No need for nastiness via texts (I know you weren't doing that OP!)

And just drop all other contact.

You sound like a very kind and thoughtful person and it is wonderful that you are adding assertive to your list of strengths

I personally get so frustrated by people who insist that every aspect of life get turned into a competition

“You have more money than me so I have decided that I don’t need to pay for X”

“You have more free time than me so I have decided that you should spend it running around after me”

“You are not stressed in the same way that I am so I have decided that your causes of stress aware invalid”

I think we all agree that if someone is abundant in money, time, emotional well being etc etc and as a one off can’t show an act of generosity then it is frustrating and we might have a moan, but even then it is their right to do as they please

I empathise with you on so many levels, keep doing what you’re doing. You have not withdrawn help. Reiterating to her what the new terms are is part of being assertive, just don’t fall into the trap of excusing your decision

Personally I have discovered great power in learning to stop trying to justify my perfectly reasonable actions

For any 30 Rock fans “Say no. Keep it low. Let her go”

If she texts her cfery again today I’d be inclined to text back “sorry think you have the wrong number. I assume that message was for your dd’s father as I have no obligation to accommodate you or your daughter” don’t let her guilt you this time. Good luck

good luck tonight

New to the thread and oh my goodness! How can anyone be so stubborn and cut her own nose off to spite her face like that? Surely the cost of the taxi last week would have been enough for a taxi to yours for three or four weeks until the nights are lighter? Ridiculous!!

Hope it goes well tonight!

Roll on 6pm!

I really do hope that someone in RL has given her head a wobble and she comes with a bunch of flowers, thank you for everything that you have done for her DD and her up to now and apologizes for having a 'moment'.

I recognize that is unlikely, but I am still hoping that, as it would be the best possible outcome.