AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

No, no, no!
No more lifts there or back, coffee whilst you wait for the club to finish, dog sitting or dog walking.
Step back from this woman.

'Following on from what's happened recently CF, I'm just letting you know that we're making our own arrangements from now on.
I hope you find a solution re. transport to and from the club. I am no longer able to help you with this.
I will also no longer be available to dog walk or sit in March. I'm sure you will find alternative help. '

I obviously can't be too specific as I don't really want them to recognise me (as much fun as that might be in my head, I'm sure in real life it would be very difficult).
If she's on Mumsnet and reads AIBU she can't fail to recognise herself and you!!
It would be a good thing- it might make her stop and think.

I will stand by my word & happily take her if she's here tomorrow by 6pm.
I will also (for the last time) remind her mum of that tomorrow afternoon as well.

I don't actually relish her making this so difficult, and although I'll certainly be cooler going forward, I don't want this to negatively impact my dd or hers and if she doesn't force my hand it won't, but I'm no longer willing to be a doormat either.

Oh @Whiskeychaser I really wouldn't message her again. If she turns up good and well but if not it's really not your problem. Has your dd had any more narky messages?

Don't message her. Why are you so anxious to play the doormat for her? If someone had spoken to my daughter/caused her to be spoken to like that I would have handed them their arse!
You say you want to teach your child to stand up for themselves but you are going to allow this 'friend' to bully and manipulate her? WTF!

she wouldn't have let her dd go in the first place if she'd realised she couldn't rely on me.
and you wouldn't have offered in the first place if you'd realised that she was going to be so entitled as to take your favour for granted and be totally unflexible and unreasonable when asked to make it a fraction easier for you to do her said favour.

I wouldn't message her again. Just wait and see if they turn up.

What did your DD say when you spoke to her after the most recent messages? I'm sorry it's so horrible, op. I'd be the same, feeling sick and anxious.

Havnt read everyones replies but wouldnt her easy option is to send her dd in taxi to yours?

Do NOT message her again! You’ve made your position clear already. Leave the ball in her court and see what happens tomorrow.

.

Waveysnail I've been thinking exactly that for about 25 pages!

I will also (for the last time) remind her mum of that tomorrow afternoon as well

Why?

Why?

Exactly this. Why?

You have said it upteen times. You really are coming across as desperate to do the right thing which is giving very mixed messages to this woman. Stop messaging her.

Don’t message, OP. You’ve done so well. She’s being deliberately provocative to try to guilt you into caving.

No lifts, no parcels/shopping trips/dog sitting.

The boat has sailed.

I will also (for the last time) remind her mum of that tomorrow afternoon as well

Do that and you be back on here in a few months moaning again.

She has given you a get out clause,take it.And cut ties with her.

Soooooo looking forward to tomorrow evening as the updates roll in

Don't message her again, unless you have come to your senses and tell her there will be no further lifts. I don't understand why you are so desperate to smooth this over; you aren't being nice or kind now, it's gone beyond that, you are allowing yourself to be put in the wrong. Why would you continue to help out this deeply unpleasant and entitled woman when she has so clearly shown how little she thinks of you?

Or you could just interrupt her with
'What I BELIEVE you are trying to say, is THANK you'

Ok, ok, I see what's happening here
You're face to face with greatness, and it's strange
You don't even know how you feel
It's deplorable!
Well, it's gas to see that users never change
Open your eyes, let's begin
Yes, it's really me, it's Whiskey: breathe it in!

I know it's a lot: the car, my life!
When you're staring at a stay at home wife!
What can I say except you're welcome
For the lifts, the post, the ride
Hey, it's okay, it's okay
You're welcome
I'm just sitting here on my backside
Hey!
What has two thumbs that pulled up the handbrake
When you were having a coffee brake
This one!
When the nights got cold
Who put diesel down below
You're lookin' at her, yo
Oh, also I lassoed a star
You're welcome!
To drive you home in my warm car
Also I harnessed fabreeze
You're welcome!
To get the smell of dog off my knees
So what can I say except you're welcome
For the times I rushed having my tea
There's no need to pray, it's okay
You're welcome!
Ha, I guess it's just my way of being me
You're welcome!
You're welcome!
Well, come to think of it
Kid, honestly I can go on and on
I can explain every kind of phenomenon
The car, the gas, the ground, oh
That was me just messing around
I pushed myself
Went the extra mile
So they could get to the club in style
What's the lesson?
What is the take-away?
Don't mess with Whiskey when she wants a break-away
From rushing, driving, breaking the lights,
She just wants back her Friday nights,

Look where I've been
I make everything happen
Well, anyway let me say you're welcome
For the wonderful world you know
Hey, it's okay, it's okay
You're welcome!
Well, come to think of it, I gotta go
Hey, it's your day to say you're welcome
'Cause I'm dont mind a car pool
I'm driving away, away
You're welcome!
'Cause I can do anything but be a fool
You're welcome!
You're welcome!
And thank you!

I've just read 50 pages of this! Nooo no more reminders! Let her come to you if she would like a favour! I was a non driver stay at home mum until recently. I walked my kids miles in the dark and rain for clubs, if we were offered lifts from people I also did favours for I said yes please and then looked after their children while they worked/walked their dogs for them. I was the mum that children of working mums knocked on to say their mum had forgotten a pound for non uniform day or cookery ingredients for school. I had extra children all summer to help others out. In turn Lots of people offered to drive me to shops to do food shops and id buy them flowers or do favours in return. Days they were poorly or tired I walked everyone's kids to school or clubs. Now I drive I offer everyone lifts to "pay it back"
Now I work a lot I ask no-one for favours as I'm aware I don't have the time/energy/money to return them!
Its great to help each other out, I had time but no car, nolw I have a car and no time! But it needs to be fair. Your case just isn't fair. Good luck to.orrow I look forward to reading updates x

I spoke to my dd earlier and she supports what I'm doing and understands why I've said/done what I have.

She thinks they've got a cheek actually, and realises that this isn't how real friends behave.

I'm actually most proud of the way she's handling it.

I've said if there's any hassle tomorrow at school to just say it's nothing to do with her & it's between your mum & mine, and then refuse to discuss it further.
She has said that if she loses this friend over this then she wasn't one to begin with and she won't lose any sleep over it.

I'm hoping she's not just being brave for my sake and I'm hoping they see the light and turn up tomorrow.

Love it @3luckystars

Ok, ok! No more reminders! I'll sit on my hands and wait for 6pm.

I'm impressed by your DD's maturity in this situation, fair play to her.

Stay strong, and remember it's her and not you!