DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

And I would NOT be trying for a baby with him.

I feel the 'ick' factor should have kicked in.

So he’s got about £100k in savings I’d guess, and won’t spend what, 5k to get you a decent car?

Run before there’s kids .....

I had exactly the same situation (unfortunately after we had children, and the money were for emergency dentistry, not a car). He charged a "fair" interest, figuring out that I am a bad credit risk for the bank, being on maternity leave with 2 under 2. So he used the same rate as for our mortgage.
It was a complete shock as he was very generous to strangers, and I did not have any reason to ask him for money before.
We divorced in a couple of months after this (on his initiative, but I could never see him with the same eyes again).

What a tight-fisted twat of a man! Do not let this Scrooge impregnate you under any circumstances.

He's wrong to say he'd be responsible for your business debts if you died.

Talk to your accountant about the most tax-efficient way of doing this without involving your husband.

OP, this is one of the craziest things I've read on MN (and that's saying something!) Please reconsider your relationship with this man !

OP this is where you end up.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3702687-Can-someone-properly-explain-why-my-DH-thinks-this

Unanimous reaction OP

He sounds like my God Daughter’s DH. He is a high earner plus loads of family money yet has insisted from Day 1 she pay 50% of all bills etc plus holidays . If she can’t afford a flight , she doesn’t go! He also lent her money for a car ( not sure if interest charged ) . She thought things would change if they had a DC. They did - he is worse and she has to pay 100% childcare . ( I have written about this before )
Anyway , please don’t end up like her .

Honestly, unless this was some kind of joke on his part I’d seriously reconsider whether I wanted to stay married to him.

Loving the idea of a spreadsheet for all the costs of having a baby. Make sure you include interest.

Crazy, surely if you are married money is joint! Do not have a kid with this man!

If they have separate finances there's no reason he should buy her a car. I also understand why he's given her the repayment plan. It's only the interest that's concerning me.

If he doesn't want to lose out in the interest he shouldn't loan the money.

You do need to have the conversation about maternity leave before you TTC. You also need to talk about what happens after mat leave - ie childcare.

Divorce him and he'll have to hand over half his money anyway. Don't have kids with him. He can't have it both ways - if he says your debt is his debt then his money is your money.

How are the household expenses split now?

Does he expect you to pay 50:50?

How has he got a large savings pot and you have nothing?

It might be a good idea to discuss finances before you try for a baby so you know where you stand

I couldn't live with someone like that! Definitely put the baby on hold and have some serious discussions

Show him this thread.

@GiveHerHellFromUs You've absolutely taken my reply out of context... We both needed cars but DH prioritised me getting one first as a newer car was safer than my old one. How the fuck can you turn that into a negative?!

1. A loan in your name only would not be his loan as well, because marriage did not make you his chattel or agent. It would be your loan.

1. Do not have a baby with this person.

Until a few years ago in our marriage I was the self-employed one with a lot of debt due to uneven income (although overall it was and is the higher income and I wouldn't have had to be in debt if it hadn't been so irregular). My husband was the well-organised employed one with a decent safety net in savings. It's easy to feel defensive and guilty about finances, especially as in my experience people who are not self employed really do not understand what it is like or how it works.

My income did level out and I am now consistently in the black with
a buffer of my own, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. However - my husband never talked about the savings as "his" money. He was talking about it as "our" money well before we lived together, let alone were married, and actually long before I was comfortable with having shared finances because I didn't want to wreck the security he'd worked for with my chaos. We don't have a joint bank account but each of us can look at all of our bank statements whenever they want.

I think it is reasonable, if you have a pot of savings, to agree that if one of you uses it for something that person will then work to replenish the pot. If I took £5K out for something relating to my business I would see it as my job to return £5K and that might happen either through physically repaying it into the account or through buying something that would normally be a joint purchase for the house. But the idea of charging you interest that he would have lost is really offensive and shows that he thinks the money is all for his benefit. I would not have a child with someone who was likely to present me with a bill for everything he'd paid for plus interest during and after maternity leave.

When I met my bf we got pregnant very quickly, all a bit bonkers.
He sold his pride and joy of a car and bought a cheaper one so he could get me a car and lessons.
We weren't married (still not 12 yrs later) and weren't well off but he took care of us. Your husband is selfish.

I spent 9 years with a tight exh.We has separate food shopping as he didn't want to pay for the "extras" that I wanted from the supermarket.He also charged me petrol money if I needed a lift to friends etc.
That was bad enough but what you describe is taking the absolute piss.

My savings/his savings?! Wtf?!

Me and bloke aren't married but all the money earned goes in one bank account and is 'our' money!

You're a partnership after all.

None of that!!