DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

Yeah, do the spreadsheet about the baby, tell him those are the terms and conditions under which you will agree to have child with him

Good god, please don’t have a child with him.

What the actual ...

This is so crazy. What the hell. Pay attention this is who he is. I agree that having children with this man would lead to a host of financial issues. I'd get the loan in the bank. Fuck no would I pay interest to a husband.

You need a serious talk about finances before you TTC, what exactly will happen with regard childcare and expenses and your personal expenses when you are on maternity leave. What the plan is for when you return to work etc.

I read DH, married seven years, has a lot of savings? Shouldn't your finances be sheared by now?

Last year my wife and I were in a similar situation, so I gave her the money for a car. We've been together eight years and married three years.

I wouldn't want my wife to be sat in any debt outside of the mortgage.

And the interest....Jesus...

No no no no no.

He is financially abusing you OP. Fuck that shit.

He is also a tight fisted, mean, uncaring arse.

This is not a marriage. This is not a partnership.

Think very seriously about whether you want a ‘life’ with this man. DO NOT have kids with him!!!

We have both our wages paid into one joint account and put X amount of that into a joint savings account and the bills come out of the joint account.
I wouldn't be able to tell you who's was who's what's left is our money and we spend it as and when needed.

We also consider the cars (ours) and drive whichever one is most suitable at the time, (we) paid for both of them as (we) needed them for work and family time.

Obviously neither would make an extravagant purchase without the others input but that's marriage it's putting what you have together and sharing it, sharing your lives.
I don't see how this can work if you become a family and he isn't interested in working for you all to share the same life, it's all his in his eyes because his worth is more.

I am so angry reading this. Him calmly controlling you. get out, while you can.

Wow! You're married why aren't you sharing finances, especially he's a high earner why is he being so greedy with his money when you're his wife!
My car is perfectly fine apart from it's 7 years old now and a few scratches and I'm giving my car to my ex to swap for a newer model for me, it's going to cost me nothing, it was his suggestion, and that's my ex!
Your husband won't even buy you a new car when he can clearly afford it AND is charging you interest! Can't get my head around it.

Definitely a case where you’d be better off financially if you were divorced.

Ditch him and do not have kids with him.
What a selfish pratt. He has thousands in the bank for himself while you are running out of money for your self to keep.working to.contribute to the joint income.

Why isn't he paying more towards the household expenses? Why does he get to keep so much money for himself?
Financially abusive isn't even close. run for the hills he doesn't care about you just the £ signs in his eyes.
Stop being grateful for running your self ragged while he sits pretty!
You.are married the new car should be a priority not an inconvenience to him.

You should come first but obviously you don't think.about that.

@Ponoka7 sure but I can't understand why the op wouldn't try and talk this through with her DH before 'running like the wind'. It is not impossible for people to implement change after a series of discussions.
I'm glad I didn't leave my DH over this because gradually we have come to live a very different life financially. He and I were raised differently with regards to money and he saw one kind of model which he eminated. I would encourage op to try and talk about this with him first and make him see how ludicrous and unequal too. And I agree a baby shouldn't be on the cards until it is sorted but leaving him immediately is drastic before conversation and maybe counselling

What a tight git! My husband earns 9 x my salary (yes nine times!!) but sees his money as our money.

What @Motorbike311 said.
Your a family, a team and he wants to add a baby to the mix, yet he can't even give you money for a car to continue running your business that helps support the family.

He's an arse.

Jesus...I can't believe that. If the boot was on the other foot, I bet you wouldn't be sending him a spreadsheet with accrual of interest. What an absolute, tightwad!!

I know you posted about the car, but trying for a baby is going to be much more impact on your relationship finances.

Please talk it through in massive detail before you do that - how will finances be managed during maternity leave, will he take parental leave and how will finances be managed during that part, who will buy all the baby kit, how will childcare be arranged, who will pay the nursery fees, if one of you goes PT or SAHP how will finances be arranged etc etc.

I don't get all this "my DH/DW bought me a …" when we need a new car DH and I buy a new car. I don't buy it for him, he doesn't buy it for me. It's a joint decision with our joint money. The only not completely joint part of it may be that the one who will be driving it the most gets the bigger say on what type it is..(and what color)…

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN.

Just in case you missed the other 100 people who have also said the same thing.

If you do, you will be on here in 2-3 years time whining that your clothes are threadbare, your shoes have holes in them, you haven't had a haircut in 18 months and he's going on at you about repaying the loan while totting up your half of what you owe him for nappies and baby milk.

Me and DP have separate finances so a different situation to many on here. Coincidentally my car has just died and we've just been discussing replacing it. We will buy it between us.

Keep your dignity, go and get your own lease (or loan) and tell him you've got a better deal elsewhere . Also please nail down exactly how your family finances are going to work before you start a family.

Just looking at my savings accounts and there is an interest rate of 0.2% gross. How much are you borrowing that he's going to lose £150 interest over 3 years?

I would be going to the bank and taking out a loan at whatever interest rate rather than give him that money. He's an absolute arse.

Wow....just.....wow!

The spread sheet bollocks would have killed it dead for me.

Why on earth do you want to stay with - let alone breed with - this tight fisted twat? He values money far more than he values you!

Do not have a baby with this man. As Sheryl Sandberg wisely said, the most important decision a woman makes is who she chooses to be the father of her babies. Don't choose someone who unilaterally decided to ignore the bit in the marriage vows that goes 'All that I have I share with you'.

Alternatively, send him a spreadsheet covering his share of the cost of your baby renting your body while you are pregnant, and what he needs to pay you for any childcare you do after the baby is born.

But mostly, dont have a baby with this man.

I don't understand why he doesn't just buy you a new car. He can clearly afford it.

He sounds awful. Sorry, OP.