On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)
Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.
The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.
I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’
DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’
I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)
I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’
He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’
Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?
He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!
AIBU?
AIBU?
DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?
Twirlywirlywurly · 23/01/2020 09:21
Am I being unreasonable?
2379 votes. Final results.
POLLIn sorry op but your marriage is as good as over; and I've never said that to anyone before. This is truly horrendous.
He does not see you as his wife for life. 
OP, to be perfectly honest, you deserve a man who would actively want to merge his life with you. It should be instinctive. He should instinctively regard your needs, particularly if you’re the mother of the child he wants, as paramount - not behaving as if you’re two separate entities. The pint is - he can’t “give” you an allowance or loan - it’s not his to give! It’s family money, for now or for the future. Whether you pay it back or him - what’s the difference?
If he can’t grasp this fundamental tenant of marriage then, frankly, he has no business being married. Your whole life will become an endless negotiation if a child came along. It’s a terrible model to bring children up in. “I bought the school uniform, so you pay for the football club” Just imagine!
I don’t know if he can change, but do update on how you get on. Good luck with moving on from this nonsense.
Jesus wept. This is upsetting. OP, your 'D'H doesn't see you as a partnership at all.
How can he sit on all that money watching his wife pay out all her savings to fix a car that's slowly dying and imperative to your work. 
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