DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

I disagree, have his baby then divorce the tight git and see how he likes having half of “his” money go to you.

Oh yeah then bring up the child on your own while trying to hold down a full time job and letting him dictate everything, withholding maintenance, only having contact EOW to suit and playing Disney dad. Fantastic advice 10/10.

Earns not eats 🙄

@Notthetoothfairy this doesn’t really happen any more.

He seems to think about money like he's a single person. If you were his friend then yes, he's being a lovely generous guy offering to help you buy a car , but as his wife you should expect a lot more. I think it's so sad that you don't see a problem with you driving around in a car that you could see was nearing the end of its useful life, breaking down, and all the stress and inconvenience that goes with that, when he has such a comfortable cushion in his savings.

The tendencies he has (my money, my decisions) are not appropriate in a marriage. He should be thinking about things in a joint way. That doesn't mean you can't both have separate budgets for fripperies, but the day to day stuff off living expenses, cars, holidays etc should really be pooled otherwise why get married.

I think that he is very far away from being in a true financial partnership, and you should be wary. The truth is that unless you have access to the savings they're his. He may deign to send some your way from time to time, but only if it suits him. Only you can decide if this is the life you want your children to model : dad makes the decisions, mum can't be trusted with money.

Sounds like he knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

Children are expensive. If he is charging his wife interest on a loan what is his view on babies and children and not just the basic expenses but school trips, holidays, meals out.

Please do not have a baby with this guy for the sake of the child.
Their lives would be miserable

I say get evidence of his savings accounts then get rid of him.

Some of those savings will be marital assets

I didn't come off the pill until we had a spreadsheet with a five year budget. I'd advise you to do the same.

No!!!!!

Under no circumstances do this. All it does is validate his idea that this has to be handled as a business transaction and that, presumably, eventually you will 'pay back' anything you have to 'borrow' whilst on Mat leave.

He needs to completely change his mindset. Accept that you are a team and everything is a joint effort and a joint decision. It's not his it's yours. Or the money IS his - but you are not and it's divorce.

@spongejack you're correct - OP hasn't said that so you're just making up a narrative that doesn't exist to try and prove a point that can't be proven.

OP has mentioned what he said would happen when she's on mat leave (when he's covering everything financially) and she's now questioning that with him too.

He's not abusing her by expecting to be paid back the interest he'd earn - he's just a twat. People on MN are too quick to label people as abusers.

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
This

@GiveHerHellFromUs he's financially abusive, without a shadow of a doubt..... no one that isn't abusive charges their wife "interest". We're not going to agree fine, but he is financially abusive. The OP had already expressed concern as to how she's going to repay her "loan" to the father of her child who has fucking ££££££ if she's on maternity leave and you think that's not abusive? Raise your standards they're so low.

@spongejack you're mad. She expressed that concern then spoke to him like an adult because that's what adults do. Then he responded like an adult and now they're resolving it like adults. He's not abusing her.

I just needed a new car, similar situation husband earns much more, he took a loan out for me and doesn’t want any payments and hasn’t since we had children. Having children means you loose you ability to earn often, I would think very hard about making yourself that vulnerable to someone who sees their money as theirs. If it helps there was a time long ago when my husband had holes in his shoes and no money, I had marginally more and bought him two pairs. There have been times I have paid virtually all the household bills when I could and before children. It’s about supporting each other

@GiveHerHellFromUs I'm not mad! They have separate finances........ now who do you think decided that?

He dictates that she can't have a loan because it might impact on him.

I'm not mad just massively higher standards than someone like you!!!!

When I got married we decided we were a team and didn't loan with interest but gave with love... Jesus he's enough to buy a small house and she has to pay £150 interest out of the allowance he decided to give her!

He’s an arse! Run got the hills op!

Run away as far and as fast as your little legs can carry you. This is not normal.

And if you RTFT you're very very much in the minority @GiveHerHellFromUs , for fairly obvious reasons!

GiveHerHellFromUs No. He backtracked after OP finally stood up for herself and gave him both barrels on the phone, after her eyes were opened by the mighty wrath of MN.

You need to print out this thread for him to read.

I'm not normally one to wade in to serious threads but I don't think your update paints him in much better light. Still seems like he'd be keeping too close an eye on "his" money to make a marriage/family work in the long term.

Was this written in 1950????

@spongejack hahaha ok your standards are so much higher than mine because you "give with love". You have no idea about my standards asked from the fact that I don't think separate finances are abusive and you do.

They probably didn't decide to have separate finances - they probably just never decided to pool them.

I know that @TwentyViginti.
My point is a financially abusive man wouldn't backtrack. He'd convince her he was right.

@GiveHerHellFromUs as said she had to argue backed by 500 odd people on a MN thread..... and he's not abusive! Fuck me some women need to up their standards!

Why is it being viewed as "him buying you" a car? Surely it's a family expense; you need one in order to be able to work and bring money to the family pot.
If your JOINT savings pot is depleted by the necessary expense of replacing a car (irrelevant whose), then so be it. The TWO of you can look to replenishing the pot via the usual means. Not YOU paying it, plus interest, to him.
This is one of the crazier threads I've ever read on here, and that's saying something for MN.

Woooow

@GiveHerHellFromUs he has t given her 1p yet, he's said he will after a row? Oh yeah he's really to be relied on! She'll get pregnant and then he'll say don't pay the load darling, I'll roll the "interest" up, I mean I'll not charge as much as the bank but just because you're on maternity leave doesn't mean you can shirk your responsibility.

The money in MY savings account is for ME, not us, it's for ME!