DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

Are you both on the house deeds/mortgage?
Is he ever likely to drive said car?
Who pays for house repairs?
Before getting pregnant work out a family budget and equal spends each out of leftover cash. How would he react if you suggested that?

Deeds not words.

I can’t really afford repayment for a £10k car.

I’ve found 3 cars at local dealerships that have fairly low mileage and seem (from research) to be reliable and all 3 come in around the 6-6.5k mark.

I actually think there’s no way I can have children with him unless he gives me access to savings account, we set up a savings account AND as someone upthread mentioned, we attend counselling together. I really don’t think he’ll refuse any of the above. I do know him and he’s been a complete and utter arse wipe over the car thing, but I promise he is usually a good, supportive and loving partner. I know he loves me. Everyone jokes that ‘i’ wear the trousers in the relationship and in all honesty I do tend to get my own way a lot of the time. But not when it comes to finances. This needs to change though and they need to become more equal if we are going to stay married, let alone start a family.

This thread has made me see that, so thank you all.

It actually would be easy for OP to leave. They don't have children ... and she shouldn't have them with him if this is who he is.

Set up a joint* account that should’ve said!

I think you shook him up with that speech.
He needed it, I see his point about putting it back if you can. But only if it’s your savings too.
Otherwise you are going without whilst money is just sitting (oh and slooooooooowwwy growing) in the bank doing no good.
Did he grow up with very little? That can make people tight as gnats arses. Fear of going back.

Wtf
We have a similar financial set up. He is a fairly high earner I am self employed but don't earn very much.
"We" have significant savings but I'm very aware that it's him that's saved the vast majority of it! Whatever he saves he regards ours. If I needed a car he would be fine with me taking money out of the savings (and would probably prefer it) rather than getting a finance deal. And there would be no repayment plan!
We both have very similar attitudes towards money, despite earning very different amounts. Very important IMO.

Adding to my earlier post..

I cannot believe that he thought charging you, his wife, interest was in any way acceptable.

Honestly I've never heard the like of it.

Literally nobody does that, but a mean tight-fisted miser.

Again a baby would be out of the question under those circumstances.

@Twirlywirlywurly - you say: "I can’t really afford repayment for a £10k car." You are still dramatically missing the point - it should be a joint purchase, it is not up to you to buy it on your own!

I can’t really afford repayment for a £10k car.
Of course you - joint you - can easily afford it. You - joint you- can easily afford to buy the car outright. There should be no “I”. It should be “we”.

He is not usually a good, supportive and loving partner if he has money in savings and you've been struggling with an unreliable falling apart car.

That isn't love and support.

Gosh, there’s a disturbing amount of what he wants, what he thinks you should do, and why you should have to do the same as he would want to do in a few short paragraphs.

The most interesting and telling is that he would want to pay it back quickly so doesn’t see why you shouldn’t have to.

What would happen if you said ‘because I don’t want to’?

He does seem to feel that the way he likes to do things should be the rules for you.

I got it like that too. I pay 50% interest on anything I ever borrow. I’m not complaining. It’s ok.

OP- I dont see how this is going to happen though. If he's that tight, he's not going to just suddenly relax and agree to share is he? A large proportion of couples break up over finances so it is a big deal and the fact he isn't an arse in other areas doesnt make up for this as this is a pretty big issue. This issue will continue to rear its ugly head time and time again. If you love someone, you dont try to make money/profit out of them- just think about that for a moment...

@Twirlywirlywurly....but how can he say you wear the trousers if you have zero financial clout in your relationship?! Don’t you see this undermines pretty much everything you do together or might hope to do together in the future? Where should we go on holiday? What house do we buy? What nursery do we choose? Do i work full time or partime? The fiscal equality is a big deal and the foundation of a lot of your joint life choices. He’s saying you wear the trousers, but over what exactly? I don’t wish to sound cruel here but your clout to me sounds limited to fluff. Sorry.

But my situation is different, he paid all my debts I had when I met him (£20k.) So I’m happy to repay.

This reminds me of a conversation with a friend once who needed a new phone and her husband agreed to lend her the money for one. Married 10 tens, 2 children and he generously offered to “lend” her the money. I thought that was odd, but this. Jesus Mary and Joseph would probably also be . He is not a keeper I’m afraid.

@Konicek007 - "I got it like that too. I pay 50% interest on anything I ever borrow. I’m not complaining. It’s ok." WHAT? That's a joke, surely?

Great news OP.

Lots for discussion and I wouldn't be surprised if he would benefit from individual counselling if this need for extreme personal financial security stems from somewhere. Hopefully you'll both come out of this is a much better place resulting in many happy years ahead.

Yes, he grew up very poor.

I don’t wish to sound cruel here but your clout to me sounds limited to fluff. Sorry

Exactly. Unfortunately, pretty much all life choices involve money- moving house, having a kid, buying a car, changing jobs, going on holiday, buying house stuff, buying clothes, going out with friends (nights out cost money), getting a pet, having your hair done- ALL involve spending cash. So that means he wears the trousers in virtually every single area- what trousers are left for you? hardly any

Tell him to sod the car. Take the bus, it’ll take longer each day. He can get in before you, do the shopping, peel the veg, cook the dinner and have a nice hot meal ready for when you get though the door. My guess is you might be a bit jaded for making babies after such a long day.

Start a family with him? Don't even THINK about it.

Why are you taking any kind of loan when he has money in the bank? Doesnt sound like he is very committed to supporting you. I would worry about having kids with someone who is so selfish.

I had debt when we first met, all paid off now (of my own doing, hence why I don’t have as much in savings as him) he never lets me forget that I was bad with money throughout my early 20’s and ‘that I incurred debt’

I want to talk to him about this as well, if he’s never going to treat me like an adult and trust me with money then what’s the point. He’ll be home in 20 mins.