Marriage

[MommaJP]

I have my works do coming up it's about 2 hours from where I live, it's all expenses paid I asked hubby if he wanted to come as my +1 he said no I spent weeks trying to convince him he still said no.
So I said I would take a friend instead, everything is sorted and organised.
He's now said that if I do go he will end our marriage.
I feel so confused, I don't want to end our marriage I love him but I also don't want to let him control me but I also don't want to let my work and my friend coming & friends relying on lifts etc down.
Feel like my hearts breaking and my heads gonna explode

Frankly? He's being a knob. Tell him he's being unreasonable and that you're going (for the reasons you said here)

If he leaves you over this you're well rid, tbh.
sorry.

Bizarre. What does he fear might happen and why did he not wish to go. Is friend m or f?

If you don’t go, this will be a threat he uses again and again to control your behaviour

Did he know the friend was going instead from the start or have you just told him? Do you think he wants out and is using this as an excuse? Making it ‘your fault’ iyswim

He's now said that if I do go he will end our marriage.

On what grounds? What does he think will happen if you go?!

Just go with your friend as arranged.

If he ends your marriage because you go to an event with a friend as he turned your invitation down, then you have had an extremely lucky escape.

He's said he's scared I'll drink too much, or there will be loads of men etc. There will be men with there wives or partners !!
My friend is female she's lovely and very trustworthy.
I feel like it's because he's not a part of it but I wanted him a part of it he chose not too.

Call his bluff and go.

Just go. You can't live your life seeking permission to do basic things.

Honestly gave up everything for us too move together into a house family etc.
I'll have literally nothing which fine I'll start from nothing but I genuinely love him and feel like I wanna scream.

What @ColaFreezePop said

I'll have literally nothing which fine I'll start from nothing

So you think he would walk away with everything? That wouldn't happen.

@PhilCornwall1 everything !! My child everything in it 😭

I'd suggest a Solicitor would see it very differently.

Yeah I would end the marriage myself if I was given this shit.

Leave now, it will only get worse.

You need legal advice. Has he told you you would be left with nothing?

Go. Absolutely go.

And then if he wants to end your marriage over that, then honestly, you don't really have a marriage worth saving.

I wouldn't call what you have a marriage. It's bordering on a hostage situation. If he chooses to end your relationship over this, what are you actually losing? He can threaten to take your child, etc, all he wants but it's not up to him.

everything !! My child everything in it 😭

What do you mean?

Can you tell us more about your marriage? Is he like this about other things?

He cannot simply keep property and children to himself if you split up. Not in the UK, anyway.

He sounds extremely controlling. Telling you he will end the marriage because if a work event is not the action if someone who loves you.

Unless you're an alcoholic with a side order of sex addiction, he's being a nasty, controlling idiot.

Even if you are both those things, he had the chance to come and keep an eye on you! Don't believe him when he says he will take the house and the baby when he leaves. You've been listening to his bluster so long it starts to sound like truth to you, bit it's rubbish. He doesn't rule the world and he mustn't rule you.

Bloody hell. You know you need to go right? You can't let him control you like this. He's not going to end the marriage over it, but I absolutely can't understand how you can love someone who treats you so badly.

If you don't go there will be more control and more. It's the thin end of the wedge.
Go to the works do and tell your dh that you will be telling his friends and family exactly what he said.
He'll either realise he's being a dick or youll see his true colours and need to leave the marriage anyway.

OP are you in the UK? please don't panic. It really does sound as though he's looking for an excuse though. His fear seems really irrational

He is controlling anyway, most his family know what he's like bad his mom everyone isn't his biggest fan.
I don't have family well I do but foster and he likes to say that to me a lot like it's my fault.
I've been told a million times to leave him just can't help love him.
I am in the UK

I'm guessing this is an excuse he's told me recently how miserable he is because of me but I've tried changing so much and I'm just exhausted I was so looking forward to some girl time.