Marriage

[MommaJP]

I have my works do coming up it's about 2 hours from where I live, it's all expenses paid I asked hubby if he wanted to come as my +1 he said no I spent weeks trying to convince him he still said no.
So I said I would take a friend instead, everything is sorted and organised.
He's now said that if I do go he will end our marriage.
I feel so confused, I don't want to end our marriage I love him but I also don't want to let him control me but I also don't want to let my work and my friend coming & friends relying on lifts etc down.
Feel like my hearts breaking and my heads gonna explode

@MommaJP I am really sorry for you and I hope your life all goes well, but why why WHY do all women on here with a shit husband say 'he's is such a good dad!' Really does my head in!!!

Meant to say he is NOT a good dad, if he vile to the mother of his children. He is setting a terrible example to the children, and showing them he has no love or respect for their mother. NOT a good dad.

He is not a good dad, good dads treat people with respect. Especially the mother of their child.
He thought you wouldn’t go because he didn’t want to go. DO NOT cancel. I’ve been in your shoes, I finally reached the point I knew, I just knew I could manage without him. I couldn’t stop him leaving if that is what he had decided.

If he is going to end your marriage over this? He is a monster a controlling sob and if you change and bend to his will he'll change the rules at will.
You say you love him? Well he needs to love you back.
I'm really shocked at how awful he is towards you. He needs to grow the hell up.

What? He wants to divorce you because you are about to go to a work do? Did I read it right?

I would just go.

He thought you wouldn't go without him. You showed him that you would go anyway.

Then he said he would go. You stood your ground and now he's threatening to leave you.

He has no intention of leaving you. He's clutching at straws.

You should leave him though. He obviously has a lot of insecurities within himself and unless he is willing to address this then there is no future for you together.

Just go. Stick your finger up on the way out the door and advise him to be gone by the time you return.

Well done OP I honestly think you're making the right decision.

I think you should ask mumsnet HQ to get this thread moved to relationships, you'll get a lot of practical advice there.

I think you should be very careful in your preparations for leaving, a lot of controlling men get violent when you end a relationship and he may be looking at your phone, movements, finances etc etc so delete all evidence if you go to solicitors etc.

A couple of things that stood out on your updates-
I know it feels like it, but your whole life isn't crumbling. One part of it is temporarily going a bit shit. You still have your work, your friends, your child, your interests. Your romantic life is just a part of it.

He is not a good dad. A good dad says 'yeah you go out, you deserve a break and it'll be a chance to spend some quality time with our child'. A good dad builds his partner up so she can be the best parent she can be - he doesn't make out that being fostered is her own fault - that's actually disgusting and I wouldnt treat someone I didnt like that way let alone someone I was meant to love

Good plan

Whatever you decide to do this marriage is not going to end well.
You can divorce him now and still have a life or after 20 years of pain when you have become a shadow of the person you were and have nothing left to give.
I know, I've been there.

I'm looking into everything to make sure I have some sort of safety net.
Feel sick. Thank you all so much.

Just thought I would update everyone.
I have left it's been horrendous few days I have domestic violence involved.
Keep strong x

He won't give me my dog, he's been awful.

Are you somewhere safe OP?

I am safe now @GreenTulips

Do you have your dog?

I'm so glad you're out but sorry things took a turn for the worst
Take care, have you called the police?

Well done. You will get through this. I hope you get your dog. (Tell him you’ll post on local social media that he’s keeping your dog and you’re worried he will hurt it?)

Nope he's got my dog 💔
Miss her so much like my second child.
Feel very drained RN.

Tell him you’ll post on local social media that he’s keeping your dog and you’re worried he will hurt it?)

I really wouldn't do that, not the smartest move to start posting allegations without proof online.

You did the right thing op. wishing you strength. x

OP I am really pleased to hear this.

I’m so sorry about your dog though.
I hope that things continue to improve for you
Please keep updating, we are all here cheering you on x

Well done OP. ❤️ Hopefully he releases your baby back to you as soon as possible x

Thank you all for your kind words, I am
In court this morning for injunction etc they've passed me through domestic
Violence they've been really helpful.
So nervous. Doing the most I can to protect my child RN. I'm hoping I get my dog at some point soon I miss her so bad but I've got my child. I've finally seen him
So clear for who he was the last
Week has shown that xxxx

@philcornwall I know, you’re right, but I’d be so stressed at losing my dog and worried about it that I’d probably be round there smashing windows!

I'm in court today feel like being sick with nerves. Once I've sorted things for my child the next thing on the agenda will 100% be the dog xx