Marriage

[MommaJP]

I have my works do coming up it's about 2 hours from where I live, it's all expenses paid I asked hubby if he wanted to come as my +1 he said no I spent weeks trying to convince him he still said no.
So I said I would take a friend instead, everything is sorted and organised.
He's now said that if I do go he will end our marriage.
I feel so confused, I don't want to end our marriage I love him but I also don't want to let him control me but I also don't want to let my work and my friend coming & friends relying on lifts etc down.
Feel like my hearts breaking and my heads gonna explode

Good luck

You must go to the party. You are in an abusive relationship OP. He is a controlling bully. No way is this an equal partnership. You deserve much more. Your DH should have your back, yours makes you feel nervous and unworthy. No way he loves you. Get advice from a solicitor and leave him. You will get custody of your child and will be better off than you think. You and your child deserve much better. Goodluck. Do not back out of going to the party!

I've had a think and I can't stay like this anymore, I'm gonna get as much knowledge as I can and I'll be leaving.
I'm also going next weekend very worried and nervous but it needs to happen.

Thank you all for your support and advice some I've found hard to read but I suppose the truth is a bitch to hear.

Sorry but you talk about fostering as if it’s just you that fosters? How does that work? The assessment is quite a tight process that both partners have to ‘buy in to’. You talk about ‘my child’ not ‘our child’; how long have you fostered a child for and how old are they? Unless it’s very long term it wouldn’t be usual to call them your child. Most foster children have parents. )

Sorry but you talk about fostering as if it’s just you that fosters? How does that work?

The OP was a foster child. The OP’s DH likes to suggest it was her fault.

Stay strong

NeedAnExpert Ah I stand corrected.

He will try to sabotage your weekend

He will hide your car keys or shoes or lose medication etc

Get organized

Get things to a friends house

It’s not about Men at the party

It’s a pick ME over the party dance

Yes!! You got this! What plans have you in place? What support have you got round you?

Do be prepared for him to try an mess up your weekend? Can your child stay with someone else when you go away?!

Make sure you have a back up plan for childcare, as he might just make himself unavailable so you can't go.

Once he realises you are determined to go, he will find another way to sabotage your event, most easily by springing it on you at the last minute that he is going out himself, or by simply not coming home that evening hoping to leave you stressed and dangling. His phone will be 'accidentally' left on silent or unexpectedly out of battery or some such and he will have 'totally forgotten' you were going out.

Prepare by arranging a babysitter, ideally to have your child sleep over at their place so they don't have to confront him, if you think he might behave badly if he finds a sitter in the house on his arrival!

Have all your bases covered.

And if he is home looking after his child while you're out, be prepared for the child 'emergency' that needs your immediate attention. Ideally have your phone on silent and in your friend's bag so you can't be tempted to check.

You can do this. Leaving someone this controlling is the right thing to do, if he was being serious then its just not a good enough excuse to leave someone anyway so you're well rid.

Well done OP.

The truth can be a bitch, but not as bad as living a life of misery and frustration.

I agree he will do his best to sabotage the weekend, or you, in other ways. How far off is it?

You will get lots of support on MN for the process of leaving.

I'm looking at sorting financial situation with a friend.

I have spoken to a family member as a back up, for overnight I'm tempted to try and offer it as a way of "well this way you can go out too"

I just need to look into a living arrangement option, I want to do this as nicely as possibly well I'll try.

Your all so amazing thank you so much.

@CherryPavlova I think she was fostered as a child and the child is her biological child with her partner who is abusing her

Ps your post sounds abrupt and she's fragile you have to be more gentle to people in such vulnerable situations

Do you have any savings or a joint account

I was fostered.

Yes but there empty.

Thank you all for your help and kindness x

He's not a good dad. The first job of a good dad is to show love and respect to the child's other parent. Otherwise you child sees half of themselves being treated badly. The most important person in their life being treated badly.

Stay strong, it will get easier.

OP do you have a trade union rep or anyone at work you can talk to about this?

They might be able to help you. I hope you get the freedom and lovely life you deserve.

He probably picked you as he can control you, you deserve much better than this

cultkid I had already said I stand corrected. Simple misreading.

I don't have a union or anything.
I'm doing research as much as I can when I can.

Can you get to a woman's aid or even your GP? Look for local charity support groups ie Gingerbread etc.. they can advise.