To take a pregnancy test?

[surelyitcantgetworsethanthis]

Been TTC for 4 years. Failed rounds of IVF, without even so much as a late period. It's been hell.
My period is 2 days late, very unusual. I'm now day dreaming that I might be pregnant. We really tried this month and I had a smear mid-month and dr commented was showing signs of ovulation. DH wants me to give it a couple of days, not jump straight to POAS as he knows how heartbreaking I find the all negatives. All
through IVF he was dead against early testing, always waiting for the bloods. But that was torture and inevitably we got the call either with me at work or out for lunch with was devastating and embarrassing as I'm led sobbing from a restaurant.
AIBU to buy one on the way home and put myself out of my misery? Or should I live in a hopeful bubble for a couple of days?! HELP!!!

For someone with apparently seven children you seem to know an awful fucking lot on infertility and the best way for conception! I call bullshit!

But before I go I will say some other people gave you some good advice earlier, which you also dismissed or ignored. When you're ttc, don't drink alcohol or caffeine, cut down on salt and sugar, eat lots of fruit and vegetables, drink lots of water, both you and your other half take multivitamins for conception, don't wear tight clothes and do regular exercises. And don't test early, always wait until your period comes, or not.

OPs period was late, so WTF are you taking about?

Don't worry I'm going out to lunch now.

I think it's evident that you're already 'out to lunch' .

"I haven't said anything to be hurtful. Just factual. I do not work in fertility but I'm sure nobody who does would recommend leaving having your first child until 35 or drinking a bottle of wine whilst you're ttc."

You do realise some women don't find the right partner until later in life? Not everyone meets 'the one' at university. It's not always a 'choice' to wait unless you advocate women having lots of babies with random men.

"I didn't find it any harder to conceive age 45 than I did age 25."

Well good for you and your 7 kids. It's so insensitive for someone smug like you, who clearly has no idea about infertility or the heartbreak it brings, to post such stuff.

Oh gosh there are some seriously unpleasant people on AIBU. I’m so sorry OP that you’re not pregnant. Enjoy your wine and cuddle your lovely puppy. I hope it all works for you in the future

Thank you so much to everyone who has been kind and supportive. I cannot express in words how much it can make a difference. Infertility is a dark and horrible place, one that causes you to second guess every step, decision past or present.
I took some time and thought hard as to wether to address @Dolceandi again, especially around my choices. People who throw cruel and hurtful comments at strangers on the internet are often in a dark and desperate place themselves. So I hope for your sake those nasty little jibes made you feel a little brighter today. Maybe you're exhausted from your 7 kids, maybe the grind of still being in a 'grad' role 20 years after graduation has worn you down. Maybe the more liberal country you moved to wasn't the land of opportunity you believed it to be. Or maybe you're just a fantasist and this is your escape. Whatever your reasons are be careful, your comments can be dangerous. I'm a pretty resilient person, but some days I'm not. I've been to the point of darkness that clouded my judgement and I have the scars and medical records to prove it. Maybe if you posted last week, your words would have caused me to find comfort in a cold blade and warm skin or worse, however maybe that's what drives your cruelty.
So to answer your questions and no I've not 'ignored' good advice by other posters, but choose to follow the advice of qualified professionals.
Reasons for infertility - unknown.
Met DH at 28, engaged at 31, married at 34. TTC as soon as we married.
I eat veg/fruit/protein/fats/carbs
Caffeine/sugar/sweetness/booze - mostly in moderation
My BMI is normal, not underweight. My body fat % is not dangerously low.
I'm in the top percentile of fitness for my age range.
I train 5/6 times per week (upon the recommendation of my consultant, that's my 'normal' and has been since my 20's)
In terms of geographical reason for waiting to TTC, it has nothing to do with a north/south divide or 'Irish women being able to have children at ease at any age' but simply down to people's situation, perhaps financial and otherwise.
I'm very aware that fertility isn't permanent however I made a choice to wait to be married to the right man before starting a family and that's my cross to bare.
Thank you again everyone, I hope one day I get my little miracle.

^^👏🏻👏🏻

surelyitcantgetworsethanthis You don’t need to explain yourself to any of us. Infertility is cruel and random. It’s a kick in the teeth to plan a baby at the “right” time and then find that it’s so much harder than you ever thought. Good luck with it, I hope it happens one day.

@surelyitcantgetworsethanthis very well put but there really is no need to explain yourself to someone like that. There is no "right time to TTC" I started trying at 20 freaking 2 and it wasn't smooth sailing. There's always someone that will say you're too fat, too thin, too old, too young, drink too much, don't eat the right things when sadly it's not that simple. There isn't a magical combination of things you can do and you'll be guaranteed to fall pregnant. If it were that simple then nobody would struggle with infertility.

I hope you get your miracle too but if you don't I hope people have the common decency to not patronise you!!!

@surelyitcantgetworsethanthis very best of luck, really hope it works out for you. Can't believe some of the judgmental comments on here, how on earth would that help

@surelyitcantgetworsethanthis you've responded with grace and dignity when you shouldn't have to explain yourself at all. I really hope you get your miracle

@surelyitcantgetworsethanthis please don't give that person any more thought or power. Horrible, nasty posts. Sorry you had to read them.

Hoping and wishing this year is the one for you to get your miracle

Thank you all- it's been a long old week. I'm looking forward to a weekend of rest and recuperation!

@surelyitcantgetworsethanthis

Morning folks - just to let you know that we've had a little look behind the scenes and, given that one poster clearly wasn't posting with the best of intentions, we've zapped all their contributions to the thread.

Hope that reassures you a little, OP.

Well done @LouMumsnet

Thanks @LouMumsnet !

Just wanted to offer a handhold OP. I’ve been through 2 failed IVFs in my 20s and I know how devastating it is, proper grief.
I will also add that the month I did conceive (not via ivf) I was so utterly convinced I would never get pregnant that I got completely wasted at my sisters 21st birthday. Turns out I was two weeks pregnant and the wine did not have any affect whatsoever on my pregnancy. So if you were worried about that posters comments about the wine please don’t.
Katie Hopkins has to do something now she’s banned from Twitter I suppose.

I've just read through this and want to offer my sympathies and hope that you will get there soon. Have you had any breaks from TTC at all or has it been pretty much constant? Might it be a kindness to yourself and to your DH to take a month off to just reset with each other, as loving and supportive as I'm sure he is it will be affecting him too and I think the being annoyed at you testing is the proof of that.

DH and I struggled, all the tests and temperatures and charting and the pain when another friend announced their news was heart breaking. We did manage to have DD but I said if we were to try for another (we haven't) I didn't want to go beyond the Clomid stage if we had to get treatment again, I couldn't have coped.

Your puppy is gorgeous by the way. I hope today and the weekend sees you right and able to keep looking forward.

We did 3 rounds last year on the bounce and that nearly killed me. We've missed months due to DH's work. Tried 5 week long holidays. But even away it's constantly on my mind. Thanks for the compliments on pupper. We bought her when one round failed. She saved my life ...... literally.

@surelyitcantgetworsethanthis hope you're doing OK and have people you can talk to in real life if you want to, it's such a tough thing to go through