To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

[Amyarmadillo1990]

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

I'd find it inappropriate.

If any doctor advises your OH to get on the bed and cuddle you he should 100% be reported. Totally inappropriate and a risk to patients. Are you sure you didn't misunderstand him GeePipe?

Honestly I think some people reckon the whole world revolves round them and their Nigel

When I had my first baby & was taken down to the post-natal ward the husband of the woman in the bed next door had taken to sleeping in ‘my’ (previously empty before my arrival) bed... the midwife went crazy at him 😮

Then changed the bedding & apologised profusely. I felt a bit bad for him tbh.

That being said if I was in the bed next to a couple spooning I would be a bit 😕... bit awkward.

@MintyMabel um no infection control is NOT "elf and safety". There are people in wheelchairs, and some in graves, because of MRSA if you remember, where hospitals weren't more vigilant about infection control.

When I worked in the NHS, not that long ago, a visitor who had norovirus vomited on the elderly care ward. Staff rushed to clean the vomit house, kicked the visitor out and contained as best they could. Leas than 24 hours later every ward in the hospital had reports of norovirus and visitors were banned (except for children and when patients were dying). That's how quickly infections can spread in a hospital environment.

Re your point about children - it's less frowned upon for parents to cuddle children in bed because you have to measure the benefit vs the risk. Many children's beds are in private rooms, and they are children, they benefit hugely from parents being present - a grown adult doesn't NEED their partner to snuggle them as opposed to holding their hand.

I've done this once before. My DH (then-DP) was an in-patient with serious MH issues - this was back in the heady days when the NHS actually had money to treat MH conditions. He was suicidal and really struggling, he had not long come round from anaesthetic administered in the course of giving him ECT so wasn't well enough to get out of bed, and he said through tears that what he needed more than anything right then was a hug from me. So I kicked off my shoes, got on the bed, lay next to him and hugged him. And if anyone had tried to tell me it was 'inappropriate' or made them feel uncomfortable I would probably have torn them a new one.

I felt a bit bad for him tbh.

Why? Sounds like a selfish entitled prick.

Baffles me as to why men don't go home to sleep when their wife has had a baby

No i didnt misunderstand her glummy. Given i had just miscarried are baby all over the floor and had 2 severe hemoridges one after the other when she said to dp "get on there and give her a cuddle i will leave you alone" i dont think there was a misunderstanding. I totally support no visitors on the bed for sily reasons like people in for minor things but i hate the attitude of some on here that every patients circumstance is the same and should be treated coldly and the same.

The one thing I don't get about it being for 'infection control' is that many medical staff seem to wear their uniforms out and about. That can't be good for infection control either, surely?

It's infection control, just do as you're asked. DH wasn't allowed to sit on the bed on the maternity ward even when I was bouncing on a ball.

I've been in hospital several times during my adult life. I have never seen this happening at all. Whenever DH was with me he sat on the chair next to me. It wouldn't have occurred to either of us for him to do anything else.

I know OP has decided to flounce, but I would have found this behaviour extremely inappropriate, self-centred and inconsiderate. How embarrassing for other patients and staff, even if you are in a private room.

Surely it is common sense that hospital beds are for the patients. Visitors use the chairs.

They won't even let you sit on the bed in my local hospital unless you're the patient.

Its stupid nanny ogg. Nurses wearing their uniforms on the school run and to supermarkets and to the dentist and the garage etc etc is fine but everyone else is contaminated apparently. It was ok for me to sit for 2 days in the blood stained clothes i was admitted in but dps clean ones are apparently a risk. Even though the lack of proper cleaning in hospitals has been to blame for a long time and not visitors on beds.

I dont think the op has even said why she was in hospital so i wont judge her for needing physical comfort.

um no infection control is NOT "elf and safety". There are people in wheelchairs, and some in graves, because of MRSA if you remember, where hospitals weren't more vigilant about infection control.

Did I say these things don't exist? Did I say infection control isn't important?

In your rush to over exaggerate your point you missed mine.

Infection control is given as a reason for everything, for every rule, where no other reasonable sounding reason will be accepted.

In our NNICU we are very restricted on who can visit. We are told it's because infection control. And yet at the next nearest NNICU, which looks after babies far sicker and weaker than our local unit has a much more open policy. If the real reason was infection control, these units would have the same policy. Our unit did not allow us to bring in our own blankets for the babies. The other unit had no such ban. Our unit only allowed parents to hold babies, the other unit was fine with other visitors doing so. I know the real reasons our unit had these policies and it had nothing to do with infection control. The real reasons were not the kind of things staff can actually say out loud about families.

My friend was told her child couldn't come into the unit in her buggy because infection control. My similar aged child in her wheelchair was perfectly ok.

Infection Control is important. When rules are not consistent there can't possibly be an infection control issue.

@GeePipe

Sorry you had such a shitty experience but why did your DH not bring you clean clothes?

Every hospital I've been in (my DC is under a few) has strict rules about unforms having to be covered / not worn outside.

When I had some major surgery my husband got told off for perching on the edge of the bed. Infection control but also ease of access to the patient if there's an emergency like they need crash-team etc.

@MintyMabel

What are the real reasons you are alluding to?

I can assure you that no level 3 or 4 NICU have such lax infection control. General visitors are not permitted (siblings under 16 not allowed in winter due to infection control). Only parents and grandparents were allowed in and grandparents had to be signed in / no more than 2 people at incubator at one period.

Buggies not permitted past a certain point on most NICU.

I don't actually know what you are on about???

Never. As if. I've read some bollocks in my time but I can't allow myself to believe this is even possible, let alone acceptable. You'd have to be pressed together or one on top of the other.

i wont judge her for needing physical comfort.

This is the bit that's surprised me about all of these responses. The idea that unless you're an adult or a child then there is absolutely no scenario where you could possibly need the physical comfort.

I appreciate that there has to be a line and obviously IABU with my view based on everyone's responses. But I'm surprised people seem so angry about the idea of someone needing a hug.

Sorry that was meant to be
*The idea that unless you're a dying adult or a child

I didmt get clean clothes because when i went in there i was rushed as an emergency so didnt take anything with me. I was supposed to be home that night but was kept in and the next day i was told i could leave so it made sense for me to just taxi home and get in a bath and change there but it didnt happen as when dp came to get me in the taxi i wasnt allowed to leave and taxis werent runing as there was a water shortage that hadbacked up traffic for hours and completely closed off several main roads so dp couldnt get home to get me a spare pair of clothes. I had to wait until the evening and i just told them i was leaving in the end and walked out after having cannulas all removed.

I seriously couldn't imagine anything worse than sharing a hospital bed with my 6'5 DH. It's totally inappropriate, as, although it's a private room, hospital staff will be coming in and out.

The beds are for patients. Surely you can manage a couple of nights not in bed together.

No one is saying the OP can't have a hug. But you can hug someone from a chair or standing. People have explained repeatedly why lying on the bed is not acceptable in hospital though.

Your DH can after all sit in the chair and hold your hand. You're not loved up teenagers.

Really weird reading your post op

Can you and your Dh not keep your arms off each other or something

Bleurgh 🤢🤮

WTF why do you both feel the need to have a nap together everytime yiu are in the hospital and he is visiting. Surely you have thinbs to talk about, why is he coming into the hospital for a wee afternoon nap