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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

347 replies

Amyarmadillo1990 · 22/01/2020 10:10

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

OP posts:
Unusualsuspicion · 22/01/2020 12:39

'I’ve looked after dying and very seriously ill patients , and still not seen this happen with adults, it’s absurd'

I agree in general re not sharing a hospital bed, but if a close relative of mine was near death, too right I'd be lying with them for a cuddle sometimes, if they wanted one, and woe betide anyone who tried to stop me.

Clymene · 22/01/2020 12:41

There's a big difference between thinking you're dying and actually dying though @MonstranceClock (and I'm so sorry for your loss)

Given the OP was private, rather than NHS, I suspect it is very unlikely she was actually dying as they don't tend to do acute care.

Sparklingbrook · 22/01/2020 12:42

If there's a situation where the patient was near death, and you want to get onto the bed with them then all you need to do is to ask the nurses if it would be ok surely?

SweetpeaOrMarigold · 22/01/2020 12:50

I've been in many uncomfortable situations where you pull the curtains back and the couple are on the bed enjoying each other Blush its one rule for all.
Also infection control.

Unusualsuspicion · 22/01/2020 12:56

Sparkling in that situation I wouldn't give a damn whether the nurses thought it was ok or not!

Sparklingbrook · 22/01/2020 12:59

Fair enough @Unusualsuspicion but by asking it gives them a chance to say whether or not it's a good time care-wise. Or whether it is a good idea full stop (pain etc). I personally would ask, I wouldn't just do it.

iamSpartacusLangCleg · 22/01/2020 13:01

Bed and mattresses in hospitals are expensive £6k upwards and are not designed for two people. Certain mattresses are not designed for sitting on the edge of the bed and cost an absolute fortune to repair when people do this.
Your outside clothes could have assorts of contaminates and people in hospital are currently stable to infection.
The rules are there for a reason.
No visitors on patient beds or using patient bathrooms either!

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2020 13:01

I also find it very odd he lays in the bed and has a kip.

sonypony · 22/01/2020 13:20

Highly inappropriate. Those that didn't say anything should have and were probably thinking just didn't say. There's no reason he couldn't have sat in the chair right next to you and held your hand for comfort. YABVU however I'm sure a lot of us are when we're very unwell, hope you get well soon Flowers

gallbladderpain · 22/01/2020 13:25

I've spent a lot of time in hospital and have never witnessed 2 adults sharing a hospital bed !
Hell I've also spent a lot of time on the children's ward where understandably I see parents in bed with sick children and now my child is in a bed rather than cot I lay beside her cuddling her on the hospital bed the way she would lie with me at home if she is unwell and it really wasn't at all comfortable with not enough room for a small child and me as a small adult !

twoheaped · 22/01/2020 13:28

I find it quite sad that you can't cope for a few days without getting into bed with your dh.
If it was my dh, he'd be getting short shrift. The last thing I want when ill is being in close proximity with somebody.

MintyMabel · 22/01/2020 13:29

Everyone says infection control, and yet it has been perfectly acceptable any of the times DD has been in hospital.

That said, coming to visit you from a night shift and sleeping on your bed all day isn't on. I wouldn't say that is what visitors should be doing.

SilverySurfer · 22/01/2020 13:32

I agree - it's all about infection control.

I don't think the nurses on my Dad's ward were too concerned about infection. One time I was visiting, the friends of the man opposite brought his pet in to visit - a tarantula which was placed at the bottom of the bed and it crawled up to the top - shudders.

orangeblosssom · 22/01/2020 13:33

Infection control.
I've never seen other people sleep in hospital
beds before other than patients. I would agree with the nurse.

MintyMabel · 22/01/2020 13:33

staying overnight, asking for meals, trying to use staff facilities to heat up meals.

The hospital in question follows the family model and realises father's are part of the birth process. It won't feed the fathers, they complain about them ordering takeaways, there are no food options beyond 4pm on site and there is nothing around for miles. There are no parent canteen facilities on the wards either. I'm wondering how the hell they expect fathers to eat. In fact, the food there is practically inedible so most often the takeaway food is for the patients.

The "treating it like a hotel" line came from one disgruntled staff member. It is a load of bollocks.

Cohle · 22/01/2020 13:35

It's a big unpleasant for other patients on the ward watching you spoon.

Plus your partner's priority should be your comfort and ensuring your wound isn't jostled, not ramming himself into the bed next to you like a lovesick schoolboy.

eminencegrise · 22/01/2020 13:37

Loads now, twohead who must and need the man there constantly, now in bed with them, just cannot be without the man. I would complain if I were in a single-sex unit and some guy was kipping in the bed next to me spooning up and 'cuddling' and canoodling. It's a hospital, FFS.

BritWifeinUSA · 22/01/2020 13:39

The only time I regard of this was when I read the book written by Tim Parry’s father. Tim Parey was severely injured in the Warrington bomb at the age of 12 and subsequently died in hospital. Just before they switched off his life support machine, his father got on the bed with him and held him and said goodbye. But that was a child who was dying.

The last time I was in hospital I was in the ICU with all sorts of wires and tubes. No room for my husband in the bed there! I probably wouldn’t have known if he was there anyway.

It sounds like you’re very needy and insecure if you have to have your husband in bed with you in hospital. He can still be with you in a chair by the bed and hold your hand, etc.

MintyMabel · 22/01/2020 13:43

I’m a doctor.

Umm, well done you? Confused

It’ absolutely an infection control measure

If it absolutely is, why is it ok in Children's wards? Why is it ok in some hospitals and not others?

"Infection Control" is the NHS equivalent of "its 'elf and safety, mate" when they want to stop people doing thing but have no real reason for doing it other than because people like the OP will take it too far.

lboogy · 22/01/2020 13:45

It's weird to me that you think it's normal for two people to share a hospital bed Confused

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/01/2020 13:47

Infection control and beds are for patients. What does he need to be in bed with you for?

katy1213 · 22/01/2020 13:48

No. Have some decorum.

GeePipe · 22/01/2020 13:50

Wow people on this thread are so hard of thinking as to why some people would want to be held or cuddled in hospital. You know the place where you usually are because you are ill in a slightly more serious manner than normal for the most part? Thankfully when i was placed on gynae ward 2 months ago the dr was lovely and encouraged dp to get on the bed and cuddle me. I wouldnt have been thrilled if they had told him to sit on a chair and reach over to hold my hand.

eminencegrise · 22/01/2020 13:54

He's in there kipping, Gee. Sorry, but I'd have formally complained if I were subjected to some bloke canoodling in bed next to me on a single sex ward whilst I was dealing with GYN issues really wouldn't care what the 'lovely' doc said, he/she is not the one lain in there having treatment on sensitive parts of the body with some random man in there spooning in bed.

Floralnomad · 22/01/2020 13:55

I was a nurse for more years than I care to remember and the rule was always beds are for patients only. I suppose it’s everyone to their own thing but when I had my near death experience and was in hospital I wasn’t hugely bothered whether I even had visitors and if dh had tried to get on the bed he’d have been told no pretty sharpish .