Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cousin didn’t ask me to be bridesmaid

277 replies

Cloudyyy · 21/01/2020 19:42

My cousin is basically my best friend and I’ve just found out - from other friends- that she’s asked them to be bridesmaids at her wedding but not me. Obviously it is her choice but I’m very upset that this is how I find out how little I mean to her! I asked her about it and she says she wants my son to be her page boy instead. It feels as though she only wants him because it suits her photos and I don’t really fit the mold. I realise it sounds petty but AIBU to tell her to find another page boy?

OP posts:
Brokenlightfitting · 21/01/2020 21:41

It may just be that adult bridesmaids are a bit non u?

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 21/01/2020 21:47

She's your cousin AND your best friend but you think she is not emotionally attached to your son??? I'm attached emotionally to my cousins' kids and my best friend's kids. I think you are being overly dramatic with that statement. That being said my oldest was in a wedding when he was 6 and it was a lot of work. I would never do it with a toddler.

combatbarbie · 21/01/2020 21:49

I am going to guess from what you've said about not fitting the mould and photos that you are either overweight, covered in tattoos or are a goth?

If any of those are the reasons and she is more concerned about the photos than sharing her day with those closest to her, then she is a very shallow person indeed.

ChuckyMonkey · 21/01/2020 21:50

It sounds like she had a lucky escape by not asking you to be a bridesmaid.

You sound like extremely hard work to me. The type of person who would complain about every little detail of the wedding.

donquixotedelamancha · 21/01/2020 21:51

It may just be that adult bridesmaids are a bit non u?

That's true, but I don't get the impression OP is u.

OP, is the groom your brother?

Lllot5 · 21/01/2020 21:52

I think you’re being melodramatic.
Perhaps she only had the money for a couple of bridesmaids and thought if your son was page boy then that would be a way of including you.
How old is your son? Seems a bit petty not to let him be involved.

Floralnomad · 21/01/2020 21:55

Youve actually answered your own question by saying that you don’t want to spend the day herding your toddler in her photos and ceremony. She wants your ds as page boy and you can’t really do the herding etc if you are a bridesmaid .

tenlittlecygnets · 21/01/2020 21:58

I’d rather just be with all the other guests not fawning over my son tying to get him to smile for her. She’s insulted me and shown me I’m not that important to her so I don’t see why I should bother.

Why do you think it would be an honour to be her bm, but you don’t think the same about your ds being asked to be page boy? 🤔🙄

You sound mean here. I get you’re upset, but your word choice - fawning, insulted - is a bit weird.

You can say no to your ds being a page boy. It is not a summons.

Retroflex · 21/01/2020 21:59

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, how can you enjoy the wedding as a guest if you're constantly expected to deal with "the pageboy" whether it's your child or not... If he was taken "away" for photographs, would he be happy without you there? I doubt it... It's her wedding day, but that doesn't mean she can have everything she wants...

measles64 · 21/01/2020 22:03

How can you be sure it was solely her decision perhaps the groom or her family did not want you to be a bridesmaid and she caved into the majority for the sake of peace.

Pebbleinthesand · 21/01/2020 22:06

I had a very similar situation last year with my best friend. She was my bridesmaid 6 years earlier and is godmother to my little girl. Then when she got engaged she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid but asked my little girl to be a flower girl.

I won't lie, it did really upset me and I went through the same thoughts about why she didn't want me to be a bridesmaid as you have, including questioning how I look.

I never considered not lettingy little girl be a flower girl and I'm so glad that I didn't because my daughter looked so beautiful in her dress and I bought myself a gorgeous dress so I felt brilliant about myself on the day.

It's easy to say now that I feel better about it but my friend is now pregnant and I know the same emotions will all come rushing back if she doesn't ask me to be a godmother since she is for my little girl.

It's a difficult decision but I'm glad my little girl was in the wedding photos even if I wasn't myself.

GabriellaMontez · 21/01/2020 22:09

Yanbu. I couldn't be bothered with the page boy routine. I'd just go as a guest and have a nice day and perhaps consider that your relationship with her has a different dynamic than you thought.

Unless you are covered in tattoos?

MissSueDenim · 21/01/2020 22:15

It is possible there are other family members she doesn’t want to upset

Hang on a minute, her not asking you has left you feeling hurt, insulted & wanting to pull back on the relationship yet you fully acknowledge that if she includes you & leaves other family members (plural) out, then they will be upset aka feeling exactly like you are now? Are you missing the irony there?

Surely the “fairest” way is for her to either include all relevant family members or none at all otherwise she’s damned if she does & damned if she doesn’t. By including your son as page boy, she probably feels like she’s still honouring you but this way, she keeps the peace & no one has reason to complain about unfair treatment.

littleduckeggblue · 21/01/2020 22:27

You sound bitter
Don't go to the wedding if you're that pissed off Confused

Tistheseason17 · 21/01/2020 22:29

YANBU, OP.
If she's made the decision based on what photos will look like then sadly she's not really your friend.
Personally, I would not even go to the wedding.

TheMustressMhor · 21/01/2020 22:31

Well I understand completely where you're coming from and I wouldn't let her have my DS as a pageboy either.

saraclara · 21/01/2020 22:32

@MissSueDenim has it. You're not thinking this through. She's putting you ahead of her other cousins by having your son as page boy. Be glad. But you really can't expect her to piss them all of by only having you out of all those equally eligible in a family sense.

You're only thinking of yourself here.

morrisseysquif · 21/01/2020 22:33

OP, I get you are hurt and you are getting a hard time here.

Could you possibly expand on not looking the part for the photos? That would help us as otherwise it just sounds like an over -reaction?

Oldbutstillgotit · 21/01/2020 22:34

Until I joined Mumsnet, I had no idea that being asked / not asked to be a bridesmaid was such a big deal.

CJsGoldfish · 21/01/2020 22:37

If someone wants your child in their wedding you absolutely can’t say no? Interesting
Of course you can say no OP. I think what people are getting at is that to use your own child in your petty little revenge scenario is pretty poor form. And you ARE using him, you've pretty much admitted that. She's probably not going to care one way or another so a big backfire there.

The more you have posted, the more I understand why you were not asked. Clearly the right decision for all involved and I agree that you should say no to your son being a part of the wedding. Different reasons than you but definitely the right thing for everyone else.

Cornishclio · 21/01/2020 22:42

I think you are being a bit over sensitive. If she wants your son to be a page boy then you by extension will be part of the wedding party. My sister did not ask me to be her bridesmaid but she had my Daughter as her flower girl. It did not bother me in the slightest. It is hard keeping everybody happy for a wedding especially if you come from a fairly large family.

SunbeamsOverhead · 21/01/2020 22:46

How old are you op?

Luckystar777 · 21/01/2020 22:46

Some best friend! I'd tell her to shove it!

Rachie1973 · 21/01/2020 22:53

Jeez. You truly do sound bratty. It’s ok to be hurt, and that’s not U. But Saying no to your son being a pageboy is simply out of spite and is really unbecoming.

AgnesTheMartyr · 21/01/2020 22:53

Really, Luckystar?

I do wonder if people would actually do or say these things in real life.

If they did, they very soon wouldn't have any friends to worry about.

Swipe left for the next trending thread