How to explain to friends without toddlers life with toddlers

[Onemorecrisp]

Real examples of convo/ messages welcome:

Current repeating questions: “why can’t we go out for lunch ?”
“Let’s meet at this fine dining place- Just bring the children”
Offering to meet late afternoon
Not receptive to meeting early morning !!!

[karencantobe]

Yes Op says she can meet from 9.30 am and her DC has lunch at 11.30 am and nap from 2 pm. Her friends do not want an early meet up and like decent food.

So invite them round for lunch. Feed DC his lunch. Have them round for lunch 1 pm. Get DC to nap at 2 pm, and chat to friends.
Or go somewhere for lunch that has decent food and lots of young kids. There seems to be loads of places where I live full of middle class mums and young loud kids.
Or meet up for brunch at 11 am. Food will come about 11.15 am. Can still get home and get your DC to nap.
Or go for a walk in a country park over lunchtime and take a picnic or flasks of soup with you.
Or museum or gallery with kids activities.

You need to come up with things that suits you both. At the moment what you are suggesting - a 9.30 am meet up or a place with a soft play, only works for you.

[Fullbookcase]

Accept all the invitations and take the toddlers. Pop to the loo without toddlers once in a while. They’ll get it.

[Lizzie030869]

@karencantobe I agree. The OP seems very inflexible. When I had 2 preschoolers and I wanted to see my friends to get some adult conversation! It wasn't always ideal, it involved having them sleep in their buggy or in the car, going into the garden, meeting up at the park, either before or after lunch. There are plenty of family friendly restaurants. And our friends and relatives understood that sometimes it wasn't ideal and there would be a few upsets.

The key thing, though, was that I wanted to see my friends and family members. I remember having screaming toddler in the car all the way home. But I wouldn't have chosen not to do it.

[HollaHolla]

@Fullbookcase - I think the point is, why should they (I) ‘get it’? I didn’t choose/couldn’t have children.
I don’t need to experience it to know what it’s like.

I do want to see my friends, and sometimes their kids. We share the things which are cause for celebration, or what we find hard - I don’t expect them to have to experience 13 hour shifts on their feet, to understand how it feels. Also, I don’t suggest meeting at the hospital in my lunch break, to fit around me. We compromise.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

i don’t expect them to have to experience 13 hour shifts on their feet so what if your friends only
suggested meeting at standing gigs after work?

[HollaHolla]

@OnlyFoolsnMothers - I’m up for that; it would be dependent on who was playing!

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

Accept all the invitations and take the toddlers. Pop to the loo without toddlers once in a while. They’ll get it

If you want to lose a friendship this childish behaviour is the quickest way to do it. No one would mind watching a friend's child for a few minutes, but disappearing and leaving a friend with said child......well, frankly I'd leave child with a member of staff, walk out and not bother with you again.

[karencantobe]

A lot of toddlers if they see mum disappear and are left with an adult they don't know, will panic and get very upset. I would never have purposely done that to my kids.

[NaviSprite]

Well its only my sister asking me to meet up since having my DC, if I go out at a time when my twin 2yo’s should be napping I get nothing but cranky toddlers for the whole time out and then back at home so I get why the timing can be an issue.

I just told my sister to watch Gremlins and said no naps easily turns my toddlers from the lovely cuddly Mogwai Gizmo (the side that she mostly gets to see when visiting) to the chaotic semi-terrifying Gremlin Stripe, may seem harsh (on them) and maybe too lighthearted for your situation OP but my sister understood better after that