How to explain to friends without toddlers life with toddlers

[Onemorecrisp]

Real examples of convo/ messages welcome:

Current repeating questions: “why can’t we go out for lunch ?”
“Let’s meet at this fine dining place- Just bring the children”
Offering to meet late afternoon
Not receptive to meeting early morning !!!

[SoupDragon]

You could also consider, shock horror, leaving your toddler with his Dad

You could also, shock horror, read the whole thread where she explains they don't want to meet at the weekend when she could leave the toddler with his dad.

[SoupDragon]

The phrase you use for a child is vile, BrimfulofSasha

[hammeringinmyhead]

I think the only way people really understand is if you go along with the suggestion, it's awful for all concerned, and they don't ask again (referring to the ones who want you to skip naps or eat lunch a couple of hours late).

My DS naps at about 10.30 and at about 2, which means there is a window of about 2 hours in which I meet my mum friends whose toddlers all do the same. For non-parents I just adapt a bit, so suggest meeting somewhere where he can nap in the car on the way there and back. I must admit not meeting for either lunch or afternoons is limiting yourself past the point of awkwardness.

[BrimfulofSasha]

Oh do get over yourself SoupDragon

[SecretGuiltyPleasureLoveIsland]

I was thinking about this last night - when childfree, I used to phone my friend with six babies and tiny children at 7pm after I finished work and wonder why she wasn't very chatty.

[Cohle]

It doesn't seem that hard to find a middle ground between soft play cafe and fine dining.

[IrishMamaMia]

Life with a toddler is so intense, in my experience anyway. I've actually taken a step back from friendships like this for now. Yes I could meet them in the evening when toddler is in bed but sadly I'm just too tired as it's such a long day with him.

[NeurotrashWarrior]

There's toddlers and there's toddlers.

My first broke me.

My second it great for lunches. (So far.)

[NeurotrashWarrior]

(I don't eat him, to clarify. He just likes sitting in cafes.)

[SoupDragon]

Oh do get over yourself SoupDragon

I have nothing to get over. I'm just posting my opinion about your vile comment.

[Brefugee]

Snobby about toddler things that work eg lunch with a mini soft play area
if you don't have toddlers why the heck would you want to do that shit, though? jeez i absolutely loathed it with toddlers and would have done anything to get out of going. I'm so glad that's all behind me.

It's just a case of you've forgotten what it's like not to have kids, and they don't know yet (or have older ones and have forgotten what it's like being in toddler hell)

Best answers were given - either "sorry that won't work for us" or "we're doing x-thing at y-time it would be great if you could come"

the good news is that it doesn't last for ever.

[Grumpasaurus]

I HAVE a toddler and don't understand your post.

You sound a bit like the parents who make me roll my eyes because they think everyone's life should revolve around their child (SIL looking at you!!), I have to say Op.

I would never eat in a place with a soft play, at least not as a plan. The food is awful, they are noisy, and they are gross. I hate even going to soft play but take DS occasionally, when we have NOTHING else to do.

I also hate early mornings, and even if I have to be awake, I prefer to be lazy and stay at home with DS as we relax into the weekend.

Finally- why not late afternoons?

Sorry op... lots of people have kids and life can continue fairly normally...

[TryingToBeBold]

@BrimfulofSasha

Haven't heard that phrase in a while. I have a DD and it makes me laugh. It is one of the less offensive ones judging by what I've just read on Reddit

OP why can't you go out in the afternoon?

[LagunaBubbles]

snobby about toddler things that work eg lunch with a mini soft play area

Its not snobby! Why on earth would anyone without a toddler ever want to eat somewhere like that! I didn't want to even when my kids were all toddlers.
You seem to want people without toddlers to make all sorts of consensions for you.

[CuckooCuckooClock]

I’m surprised at the replies you’re getting OP
Before I had kids I happily met up with friends who had small children at places that worked for them.
Obviously a small child is going to be less flexible than an adult! And now mine are older I go for coffee with friends and their toddlers at soft-play cafes when my dc are at school.
I even used to go to baby cinema before I had my own as I understood it was the only way I could spend time with my friends who had babies. Surely that’s normal?

[Grumpasaurus]

@quimreaper brilliant!

[dayswithaY]

I agreed with other posters - why do you need to "explain" anything to your friends? Before I was a parent have wouldn't have listened anyway as it's so boring! That's the beauty of being child free - they can go to any venue at anytime, lucky them.

[Lizzie0869]

As a mum, I do find that I regularly forget what it was like to have toddlers. My DDs are 10 and 7 and I'm so much more flexible. This really came home to me when visiting my DSis and DBILand their DC. At that time their youngest, a DS, was 3 then (he's now in Reception). and my DSis was always having to bday that no, that activity wouldn't work.

What I used to find was that a stately home with a cafe and playground worked best. We took out National Trust membership, which worked well. Other than that, lunch at a child friendly pub restaurant, with a children's menu, and then a visit to a park to tire them out, and then they would fall asleep in the car on the way back.

It is a shame that they don't want to meet up at weekends, but I don't know their reasons for that so I can't comment really.

[IrishMamaMia]

@cuckoocuckooclock I also have some great friends without kids who suggest doing sth toddler friendly so they can see me and the child.
Those who suggest normal restaurants.. Have you seen the threads on here about nasty sanctimonious people who love to tell parents of babies and toddlers off in public? So many English people have this children should be seen and not heard mentality, OP is probably avoiding that and I don't blame her.

[Lizzie0869]

I can't understand why afternoons don't work either TBH. Lunch at around 12:30, and then playing at the park was always ideal. And the toddler started to get crabby, I used to put her in the buggy and rock her to sleep or take her for a walk-in the buggy. When the toddler was sleeping there was a good chance to catch up.

[CuckooCuckooClock]

I think the there must be lots of people who just dislike children and only want to be in the company of adults. I guess if your friends are like that then I can see why they won’t meet somewhere more child friendly.

[howabout]

I no longer have toddlers. If I'm meeting with someone who does I would far rather meet at a time and place that suits the toddler. That way it is much less likely the whole meet up will be dominated by keeping a miserable toddler pacified. I do draw the line at soft play though. Parks and museums with decent cafe restaurants work well ime.

Mine all kept the morning nap but dropped the afternoon one by toddlerhood because they got up ridiculously early. So I always preferred lunch / afternoon.

[AcrossthePond55]

I don't get it. I had two boys, and in their toddler years I never had to 'explain' to any of my friends (parents or non-) about 'toddlers'. I never had a serious problem doing meet ups, either. A combo of doing child friendly things (picnics, family restaurants) to fine dining (sans child). It's all about flexibility. On everyone's part.

I never tried to make my friends 'fit in' with my children's schedule. I did have a very good husband who understood the need for time away and he was quite willing to watch the boys while I had the occasional 'date with my pals'. Why can't your DH/their father watch them?

Another reason to find a good local teen to babysit.

[ThePlantsitter]

I think a few people have forgotten what taking a toddler out for lunch is like. Sure, it's possible. Yes, they have to get used to being civilized. But fun it is not from what I recall.

As for I would try hard not to become That Precious Inflexible Parent Person (Who Used To Be So Much More Fun). The people who make you feel like that are the worst at wanting the world to revolve around their PFB when their turn comes imo.