How to explain to friends without toddlers life with toddlers

[Onemorecrisp]

Real examples of convo/ messages welcome:

Current repeating questions: “why can’t we go out for lunch ?”
“Let’s meet at this fine dining place- Just bring the children”
Offering to meet late afternoon
Not receptive to meeting early morning !!!

[DontMakeMeShushYou]

I think 9:30 is a very normal meet up time.

For walking my dogs, yes. For lunch, less so. But each to their own, I guess.

[hopefulhalf]

Who said anyrhing about lunch ? Surely 9:30 is park/coffee time.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Love a 9.30 out and bout with my toddler- she doesn’t get the idea of a lazy wkend, she is full on! I like to tackle the day and get out and about- to hopefully have a nap in the afternoon.
Last Saturday my single, no children friend met us in the park at 10.30am...on Friday I’m out at a bar with some friends. Give and take.
Sadly whilst everyone agrees that all babies are different oddly not everyone understands the same is true for toddlers. Energetic toddlers are not because of poor parenting they are made that way, some can sit nicely in adult settings and some can’t.

[DontMakeMeShushYou]

Most of the posters on this thread as it happens. A quick search tells me the word 'lunch' appears 56 times so far. HTH.

[Mascarponeandwine]

I think childfree friends should revolve around you for a short time.

DS1 would last 10 minutes max in a high chair before trying to climb out, throwing himself backwards against the seat back, hanging dead weight over the side of it, moaning and screeching etc. No amount of crayons, toys, food, would buy any more time than that, no matter what I did. DS2 was similar. My friends (who coincidentally had girls who seemed to sit nicely in a high chair for at least an hour) used to look aghast while I battled pointlessly to get him to pipe down for 10 seconds, before I gave up and left.

Your friends can deal with soft play, basic lunch etc. You still get to sit and chat. Ok not ideal or adult-nice, but at least it’s doable. Going to a more adult restaurant is pointless, you’ll just be firefighting and won’t be able to chat or relax at all. I remember trying a few times and leaving nearly in tears.

DS1 and DS2 are teens now, so there is eventual light at the end of the tunnel!

[ActualHornist]

Ok, well I don’t like a 930 meet up. I value my mornings in.

[Monstermummymum]

We went once.... now they suggest the park and they don't have kids😂😂😂

[AnnaNotElsa]

I think the word here is compromise. Pre children (I’m the last of my friends to have them) I’d happily meet friends with toddlers for lunch somewhere toddler proof but friends would also make sure it wasn’t all one way traffic. They ensured we had child-free meet ups too (maybe a ratio of 3:1) Now I have the toddler and we’ve swapped over! They meet me in the garden centre with a mini soft play for lunch at 11.30 (!) and I try and ditch the kids every few weeks for some adult time. Hopefully, this way, our friendships will go the distance!

[Onemorecrisp]

Friend has a baby who is not on the move yet, but I have others with no children who also want to meet but with my children.

I didn’t mean meeting in soft play but in a family independents coffee or restaurant which has a children’s corner with mini soft
Play. Food decent.

I have 2 toddlers, one I could sit for lunch with, last time we went for lunch the other kicked the ball into someone’s food, took colouring pencils and wanted to eat them, stood on benches, almost broke mugs etc. Just doesn’t work.

I wouldn’t mind park in PM but who wants a cold park if they don’t have a toddler.

PM activities - please suggest any?

One toddler naps after lunch and wouldn’t mind missing it if it had a positive benefit but he will just be horrendous.

[Onemorecrisp]

Other friends are happy to meet me early doors or at a child friendly lunch place. I would be happy to do this pre children myself to make it easier for the friend !!!

[MintyMabel]

no one wants to eat lunch at a place with a mini soft play area unless they have a toddler to entertain. How many lunches did you have at the mini soft play area place before you had dc?!

Loads. Brewers Fayre type places have them, plenty of people without toddlers eat there.

[CassandrasCastle]

I am in denial I think...Pregnant with first dc at the moment, and I don't want this - to insist on meeting friends at 9.30, or only in places which have mini soft play areas...shit.

[Fredthefrog]

We have some independent family friendly cafes with an activity space for toddlers. They are great as the food is good and the children can get down. I bring loads of stuff for lunch and my toddler can sit at table for a while but she wants to get down and it isn't fun for me and cant be fun for friends so I feel your pain. I also have an early riser so I would prefer to meet for a run around at 10 and a coffee and cake or lunch at as close to 12 as possible. In ideas but solidarity!

[Camomila]

Cassandra Hopefully the can't take them out phase won't last too long
DS was fine from 0-1, then again from 3+.

Even when he was a handful we'd gonout for lunch/dinner with other families with kids to nice places and all take it in turns taking the toddlers by hand to look at the christmas tree/walk in the patio etc.

[ohtheholidays]

How to explain to friends without toddlers life with toddlers

I'd tell them honestly,life with toddlers is like an Octopus trying to heard aload of Cats!

[hopefulhalf]

No idea if you are in London but the "garden" at the science museum was a great rainy afternoon activity, the V&A less so...Any leisure centres with a decent cafe ? You take DCs swimming first then hopefully tired for coffee/lunch date ? Again it's a London thing but some one a clock clubs are a more pleasant adult enviroment than soft play (and free).

[karencantobe]

Places like Pizza Express is full of kids and parents and the noise level is very high. But the quality of food is better than wacky warehouse and you don't get parents going to Pizza Express to get drunk while their kids run amok in the soft play. I have eaten at Pizza Express with toddlers and babies.

[Lizzie0869]

no one wants to eat lunch at a place with a mini soft play area unless they have a toddler to entertain. How many lunches did you have at the mini soft play area place before you had dc?!

Loads. Brewers Fayre type places have them, plenty of people without toddlers eat there.

I never had any experiences of soft play before I had my DC. And I wouldn't expect anyone else to join me there if they didn't have their own DC who would be at an age to enjoy it.

[Onemorecrisp]

Yes we are an early rising household so 10am is late to me as already been up 5hours.

Agree The difficult period is about 10months - 3yrs.

Find it easier to socialise in the evening after bed but in winter don’t want to treck out.

The worst is non local friends as don’t want them to travel longer than we will spend meeting up!

[EL8888]

To be fair does anyone truly like soft play?! Maybe they work hard all week with early starts and want to have a lie in at the weekend?

Yeah lm in the middle of a disagreement with That Precious Inflexible Parent Person (Who Used To Be So Much More Fun). She can't see why l don't want to spend weekends off doing what she wants. My partner and l don't get every weekend off and work hard. Is compromise really so terrible

@Mascarponeandwine maybe they don't want to as it's not healthy for things to be revolved around one person. Rather than compromise

[blue25]

Why would someone without children want to meet early morning?

Sounds like you have the issue TBH. Everyone else’s world shouldn’t have to change because you had a child.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Everyone else’s world shouldn’t have to change because you had a child hate this statement, it’s compromise. Equally if my friend moves 200miles from where she used to live near me, I’d travel to see her as she would travel to see me. Our friends lives change, we have to have some lee way, otherwise we can only be friends with people in the exact same stage of their lives as us?!

[Mypathtriedtokillme]

I’m with you OP I’ve alway preferred to go out for breakfast (2nd breakfast for our 2 year old who is up at 5.30am), morning tea or an early lunch.
Afternoons don’t work because of school pick up and post school madness.

My girls like going to yum cha (picking food off a trolley makes it extra delicious in a my toddlers eyes), morning high tea (in the places that do a kids tea as well as an adults), cafes attached to garden centres, book shops or museums, park picnics (even if it’s just take away cafe food in the park with a rug), sushi at the fish markets (sushi for me, hot chips for them), a walk/jog (toddler can happily go for 8km on her scooter/running bike) with ice cream/coffee midway so I can put our catch up in the guise of exercise and kill 3 birds with 1 stone (catching up, exercise and wearing the kids out)

I have colouring, magnets and some form of cards or mini board game to keep the kids busy.

[likeafishneedsabike]

Lunch at a soft play area? For a person who doesn’t have children? You are joking, surely??

[eminencegrise]

It's the early morning thing, too. I truly cannot think of anything worse. My idea of compromise would be meeting at the weekend, though. But after doing early mornings with toddlers when I am not and have never been a morning person, just no, and a soft play? Nope. The food also sucks in those places.