4 year old asking where do babies come from?

[8paws8legs]

Wasn't really sure where to put this so went for Aibu as always seems to get good answers.
So my 4 year old son has asked a few times now how mummies and daddies make babies, where they come from etc? It always seems to be at bedtime so have fobbed him off a bit and said we will talk about it tomorrow etc but what do I say? He has asked several times now so I need to give him an answer but not sure how to make it age appropriate???

mummy has something called a uterus, that’s here, near her tummy - that’s a special place for the baby to grow”.

🙄 My daughter is three. She calls things by their near-enough names all the time and will learn the true names of things in time. This literalism is very boring for a small child and my DD has far more fun things to do than listen to me blathering about my uterus.

Im not sure ‘uterus’ or ‘vagina’ are boring words though? They are simply words. Just as ‘foofoo’ is a word. They won’t question it, they will accept it as fact and move on. Because for children it’s just another word to add to their ever expanding vocabulary.

Until one day they hear the correct term and wonder why the hell their mother felt the need to ‘jolly up’ something as mundane and ordinary as a vagina with an equally mundane and boring word like ‘mini’. But other things, like noses get given their correct name from the beginning. Even though the word ‘nose’ is less fun than ‘sniffer mc sniff face’

It’s actually subtly installing the idea that genitals are naughty and dirty and shameful.

Remember..... a rose by any other name is still a fucking rose. (To misquote that well known poem).

@peanutfoldover

Perfectly put.

and I will now begin to call my nose sniffer mc sniff face because it’s bloody brilliant

It’s not boring @thejollyroger it’s just a word. No different to a 3yo being able to say she hurt her elbow, instead of she hurt her arm.
When you sing ‘heads, shoulders, knees and toes’ do you actually sing ‘body, body, body and body’ to avoid boring her with literalism?

DS was worried food or poo would go on the baby if it was just in the 'tummy'

I think the questioning levels probably depend on the childs personality.
DS is pretty pedantic for a nearly 4 year old.
"Ooh look a digger"
"No mummy that's a back hoe loader"
I could also regale you with all the different bits of steam, diesel, and mag-lev trains.
DM says I was the same, 3 year old me loved ancient Egypt and could tell you all about the mummification process

And of course their interests, they can be curious on one thing and not care at all about others...we went to visit my DGDs grave on holiday, I had prepared this whole lovely 'well some people believe' speech with heaven, reincarnation and a secular view...DS want off to look at pebbles on the neighbours grave

I'd just tell him the truth and use the correct terminology. Makes life a whole lot easier when they are told the truth, with the added bonus of being able to correctly identify their own body parts.

He's asking - just tell him: baby grows in a womb (only women have these) and comes out from her vagina between her legs. Bingo! - job done!

Correct names for body parts are boring?
That's a new argument.

Tuppence,flower and front bum are oh so much more exciting.

This literalism is very boring for a small child

It may well be, but in terms of safeguarding, children being able to correctly identify their own body parts is extremely important and leaves no room for error and misunderstanding. Now that's not boring is it.

Well, tell your four year old where babies come from. Mine asked around age 3-4 and I explained, in age appropriate terms, sex and pregnancy. He was mildly intrigued then moved on to asking about something else.

There’s no need to be prude / mysterious about it.

DS1 was pretty curious from a young age. Day to day we use words like "willy" but also correct words like "penis". Likewise I've used "vagina" alongside the more functionally literal "baby hole" as I felt it described a random body part that he doesn't own with clarity. They also have an instinct for gatecrashing the bathroom at the awkward moment with a mooncup, so understand about periods//there being a nest for an egg.

The only question we haven't had at 6 & 9 is about how exactly daddy gets the seed/ sperm to mummy's egg. I though we got close but it turned out that DS was asking about a second hand entertainment shop not that kind of sex.

At 5 DS had an x-ray, saw a skeleton poster in the waiting room and reprised an old conversation about bones (not) being in the willy and that they go hard because of blood pumping in the body and the blood filling the willy/ penis.

In y4, DS will have lessons about puberty and I've alluded to bodies changing in the teenage years. Y5 will have further details, and I feel my DCs have processed a decent foundation of information before that time comes.

I told DS mummy has an egg in her tummy that grows into a baby, a bit like how a conked grows into a tree.

He was happy with that for a few years before he asked what makes the egg grow?

So then I told him daddy has a seed that joins with the egg. Again he was happy for a while and didn't ask how the two got together!

He did however at age 9 accidentally come across "sexual intercourse" in a dictionary so that then joined the dots for him and saved me a job!

My 3.9yo asked me this last night. So I said 'when a mummy and daddy love each other very much they decide to make a baby which...' "no mummy", he interrupts. "Babies come from corporate".
He has been watching the Boss Baby movie.

You can get some great books on the topic. That explain it really nicely for kids.

I asked dd16 this morning what she would think if I'd gone down the 'mummy and daddy love each other very much special cuddles route' instead of fact.

She said she would have been none the wiser because she didn't have a 'daddy' and dp wasn't on the scene till later. And probably have asked why people didn't just have sex like animals do. She was also highly amused at the concept of me trying to explain geldings/ stallions through the confusion of 'special cuddles'.

My DGS said (when his younger brother asked about it), "Mum and Dad mate." That's telling him.

You can get some great books on the topic. That explain it really nicely for kids.

That's what I did. I had a few age appropriate books about right through my kids childhood. I had a good one for teens covering everything. I told the kids the books were there and that they could ask me things too. The only thing I insisted on talking to them about was contraception when they first started having boy and girlfriends.

I'm so confused about the angst. Not sure if I'm being a real simpleton. My three year old knows that babies grow in mummies tummies. I guess when he asks I would just say mummies and daddies have sex and sometimes it grows babies. Is that wrong?

TrainspottingWelsh

I’m struggling to understand the stallion/gelding reference?
Do you mean how you would have explained the point of it?
We had a pony gelded last year and I said it was so he couldn’t have special cuddles with a mare and we wouldn’t have foals everywhere and not be able to ride the mare. Easy enough. 4 year old friendly explanation.

@Pardonwhat

Still pushing the whole ‘special cuddles’ thing then.

Makes me cringe.

Pardon
That's possibly the most batshit thing yet.

If I'd tried it, I would have said 'Do you know when a stallion mounts a mare, ignore all you've seen & heard, it's actually called special cuddles and don't for heavens sake look too closely at how exactly the special cuddles happen'

'yes I know I have taught you all the other body parts and we can talk about exactly what the vet is doing with that tendon, but we're not going to discuss why exactly a certain part of the anatomy is involved in gelding'

'Yes, we can discuss breeds, colours, first aid, feeding, size etc but I'm not telling you the difference between stallions, geldings and mares'

I suppose I could have just shrugged when she then asked why some geldings still wanted to have special cuddles with certain in season mares. Perhaps I should have explained visibly in season mares as doing special wee wees.

In reality, at 4 my dd would have thought such a ridiculous explanation was a joke, and then told you in simple terms exactly how it worked.

Please tell me when you're talking about/ teaching dc the points of the horse you refer to your mare's foofoo, and your geldings wee wee stick, that really would be the icing on the cake of hilarity.

I’ve never seen anything less like a special cuddle, than horses mating

I'm remembering my childhood, 'special cuddles' used in the presence of loads of bullocks and a bucket of bollocks.

Mine were told that they were bought from the baby hospital.