4 year old asking where do babies come from?

[8paws8legs]

Wasn't really sure where to put this so went for Aibu as always seems to get good answers.
So my 4 year old son has asked a few times now how mummies and daddies make babies, where they come from etc? It always seems to be at bedtime so have fobbed him off a bit and said we will talk about it tomorrow etc but what do I say? He has asked several times now so I need to give him an answer but not sure how to make it age appropriate???

And then when the toilet really loves us it makes a special wee wee come that naughty people call a poo'

Weeing myself (but not a special one) laughing at this

Wy fob him off? What's the problem with the truth? Don't you know the answer?

panic No, you just need teens as food fairies, they magic away all the food in a few hours

Of course 4 year olds need to know what a vagina is. That's so weird. They need to know what a vagina is the same as they need to know what a leg is

Absolute nonsense. My 3 year old (and counting) knows she has a bum. She knows she has legs, arms, a head, nipples, a back. She doesn’t know she has a vagina, clitoris, kidneys, pancreas, lungs etc. It isn’t needed.

I’ve read ‘where willy went’ to my 4 year old and he seemed to be satisfied with that. He’s not really questioned any further.

To me its a bit like referring to your paella instead of saying your kneecap, over formal

I never realised, is the Spanish dish named after the kneecap then, maybe 'cos the dish it's cooked in is shaped a bit like one?

My 3 older DDs were happy with ''baby comes from mummy's tummy'' for ages. Then ''comes out of the vagina'' did us fine for a few more months and ''when a daddy loves mummy a baby sometimes grows'' got us to about 6 years old for each of them iirc.

Not DD4. (who is now nearly 6) It started when she was about 4 and a half one afternoon and we went from 0 to 60 in about one minute!!

Where did i come from?
But how did i grow?
How does the baby get out?
Why does the baby grow?
An egg? What starts it growing?
How does daddy help?
He puts a seed where?
How?
Why?
When?
Where?
Here in the house?!

Arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh

I'm a big believer in sticking to the biology and being honest instead of all this crap about 'special cuddles'. If you're honest and open then you won't turn a four year old into a sex fanatic - you'll just teach them that they don't need to feel shame about the topic and that it's fine to ask you anything - and that will stand you in good stead as they get older.

It's also ok to say you'll discuss certain elements when they're older - my DS asked when he was four whether people only had sex to make babies, and I said no, it's to show that people love each other too, but it's for adults and so I would explain more to him about that when he was older as I felt telling him more wasn't age appropriate.

I tell my 5 year old daughter the truth in language she can understand. She can understand far more than I think most people would generally give 5 year olds credit for. She has known about periods for a long time. We use the correct words for vagina, vulva and penis. So far she knows that babies grow inside their mummies tummy’s and either cone out of the vagina or tummy. She has never questioned it beyond that and I don’t feel she is ready or needs to know about sex itself yet. But I have absolutely no problem with her knowing about periods or seeing vaginal and c sections on TV. I also have no issue with her seeing a penis. It is just anatomy.

Correct terminology is very important. There is a distinct difference between the vulva and the vagina. They are not swear words. Using a euphemism is utterly pointless, confusing and potentially dangerous.

This is what I told mine at 4/5:

Mummy has an egg and daddy has a seed
Daddy's seed comes out of his willy and goes into a hole in mummy's vulva (willy/vulva are the terms we use in general)
The seed and the egg meet up and grow into a baby, and when the baby is ready to be born it comes back out of the baby hole

lol at 'here in the house?!' for years I thought people only had sex in the bath because why else would they be naked?

@thejollyroger
It really isn't nonsense to tell a toddler that a girl has a vagina (or vulva) and a boy has a penis. Hasn't she ever asked you what her vagina is called? It's so strange not to tell her. What does she think her wee comes out of?

This is a good guide and explains why it's important to be age appropriately honest
[link https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/parenting/should-tell-kids-sex-6-dos-donts-chat/]

What does she think her wee comes out of?

Well not her vagina anyway.

@Newname1978 to be fair, why would a toddler need to know about their vagina? Most won't have even noticed it at that age?
Wee doesn't come out of it though

I was told the truth aged 3 when my mum was pregnant with my brother. I told my own DD about it aged 3 as well (though wasn't myself pregnant by then). We had a fairly no nonsense book on how babies are made. She was most interested in the pictures of how the baby develops in the womb and rather less interested in the process of how it got there, but she knows anyway so that she learns about it again it will be a matter of fact not an embarrassing secret. Two years later with a baby sister she had now remembered about the big sperm race and is currently quite interested in that and asking why they have to compete to get to the egg.

I wanted her to know well before hearing any misinformation at school. I strongly believe that making it into a big deal or fobbing children off with euphemisms is just storing up trouble for later and setting up barriers for them talking to you about it.

Oh and she knew already that she had a vulva and a vagina as I told her what it was called when she asked aged 2 in the bath one night what that bit of her was. Do people who don't tell their children about vaginas just pretend those parts don't exist on their children's bodies?

Females have a vulva AND a vagina. The vulva is the external bit with all the flaps/folds and the vagina is the fleshy tube on the inside.

I know it’s probably no big deal when you are 4 but I think often the word vulva gets used as a ‘nicer’ word for vagina. But they are 2 different anatomical structures. And it’s helpful if you ever need to go to the doctor and describe where you have pain or a lump or something. My daughter is 5 and knows the difference.

@MrsBricks
@thejollyroger

www.nytimes.com/2016/10/31/well/family/teaching-children-the-real-names-for-body-parts.html

You can easily find the reasons children should know the terms vagina, vulva and penis. I assumed everybody knew now.

Answering this question is easier when you have IVF. I have explained to all my DN how IVF works and they are fascinated lol

Sorry, realise I’ve cross posted with someone else who got in there before me about the vulva/vagina thing!

A lot of people use the word vagina instead of vulva. I know it's not anatomically correct but I find vagina is more commonly used to cover the whole area.

@Supertrooper98 regardless of whether you use 'proper' terms or pet names, very young children mostly don't need to know about vaginas until you start having the "where babies come from" talk. It's not visible and they mostly don't need to refer to it before then.

DD found the book "Mummy laid an egg" in the library aged about 4 (and could read it). For those who haven't read it, stories such as "brought by a stork" are presented before the correct version. I asked DD if the book was fact or fiction, and she was quite definite that it was all fiction!

I’ve always just told mine the truth 🤷🏻‍♀️ The classic response of my middle son was “does it tickle?” 🤣

@sirfredfredgeorge while i Love your explanation, the knee cap is actually called patella , nothing to do with rice or Spain.

Probably a spelling mistake/or misunderstanding from the PP that mentioned it.