4 year old asking where do babies come from?

[8paws8legs]

Wasn't really sure where to put this so went for Aibu as always seems to get good answers.
So my 4 year old son has asked a few times now how mummies and daddies make babies, where they come from etc? It always seems to be at bedtime so have fobbed him off a bit and said we will talk about it tomorrow etc but what do I say? He has asked several times now so I need to give him an answer but not sure how to make it age appropriate???

@PGtipsplease
I feel a bit like that with my c-section ... like DS literally came out of my tummy

(Disclaimer - he already knows babies come out of the vagina, he's 3, but if I had said tummy I wouldn't be lying)

I was pregnant when DS was 4, so we obviously got a lot of questions from him. I’m big on not making up random things to fob them off. But clearly being appropriate at the same time. So I said that daddy has a weed and mummy has a seed and we put them together, and it grows into a baby. Then changed the subject quick!

So tell him! In an age appropriate way obviously, but don’t fob him off or lie to him.

Daddy has a seed not a weed! Ha

@thejollyroger he knows they come from a mummies tummy he wants to know how they get there etc

My boy was the same age when he asked, he was growing cress at the time from school so i told him daddys give mummy a seed and the mummy's belly makes a baby! Fast forward a year and he watches marley and me and of course asks why she was sad ( when they MC) so i told him sometimes the mummys belly doesnt like that seed the daddy gave her and it doesnt make a baby and he was content with that. Hes 6 now and still understands it that way which i dont think is too much detail but enough at the same time!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I added in about breastfeeding as it’s physiologically to do with birth and a nice way to attract the conversation away from trying to explain sex to a 4 year old.
You seem to assume every toddler has a sibling or is breast fed.

My almost four year has been asking questions too as my sister is pregnant. I've said about mummies having an egg (she laughed at this and insisted we don't) I said mummies and daddies make the baby together - also laughed at this in disbelief. She asked how she got out of my tummy and I just told her I went into hospital and the doctors and nurses helped take her out but I know that wasn't enough to satiate her curiosity and more questions will be heading my way.

I'm going to have to order one of those books, they'll most certainly be more believable than my explanations!

he knows they come from a mummies tummy he wants to know how they get there etc

Honestly, for a 4 year old I would say, “Mummy and Daddy love each other so a baby comes.” If he asks why, shrug.

Why wouldn't you just explain in an age-appropriate way rather than fobbing off and shrugging? He's asking a direct question and deserves a proper answer IMO.

Why the lies and avoidance?

If you lie, 'Mummy and daddy love each other and a baby comes' and you don't explain that this is following an action taken by both, and a choice they've made, then you have a toddler worried about a baby coming at any time, or worried that they've said they love their friend and now there's a baby.. etc etc.

Just tell the truth in a watered down simplified fashion, and only go as far as the kid is satisfied with.

All these lies and the 'ooh you are too young to know' rubbish just creates more confusion and sometimes, fear.

DD already knew about periods(and contraception !!) by the time she asked about babies. So I told her that when I wanted to have a baby Daddy put a seed (called sperm) in my egg and luckily it grew into a baby.

She asked about babies coming out and I told her the truth, some women have a cut on their tummies and the baby comes out and other women have the baby come out from the vagina.

It's adults that really overcomplicate and overthink things,making these chats awkward and uncomfortable.

Pardonwhat
Sorry no offence in intended. More that i sort of assume a 4 year old either:
A) sees a baby being breastfed and asks about it (see my comments)
B) does not/has not seen a baby being breastfed in which case why would the question even enter their head

Sex being a bit different in that it's a bit shrouded in mystery !

Mine (both 3) never asked how their baby brother got there but they asked how he would get out, we explained properly / factually and they turned it into him shooting out of mummies gina (couldn't pronounce vagina) on the water slide
Ended up with a CSection and if you ask them now they say that the doctors cut me in half with a pirate sword and fished him out.

I like their version.

Telling your children the facts of life is your responsibility.

Telling them the truth from as early as possible, when they ask, in age appropriate terms, makes it easy.

Where willy went is a good book for this age.

It's just biology. I assume you don't make up silly stories about how you breathe or where poo comes from.

Just explain in an age appropriate way. There's no point lying and confusing him with bollocks about special cuddles or babies growing because mummy and daddy love each other.

If you lie, 'Mummy and daddy love each other and a baby comes' and you don't explain that this is following an action taken by both, and a choice they've made, then you have a toddler worried about a baby coming at any time, or worried that they've said they love their friend and now there's a baby.. etc etc.

I think you are under-estimating the thinking capacity of most 4 year olds. “Mummy and Daddy” means grown ups to them, as children don’t have babies.

TrainspottingWelsh

But that is age-appropriate. 4 year olds don’t need to know about sex.

Then do explain why my friends 4 year old came home in floods of tears because her friend had said 'i really really love you' in the playground and she really truly thought that meant she'd have a baby and that scared her!

But none of you are explaining how the daddy got the seed in the mummy's tummy which I know mine want to know.
They know the mummy has an egg in her tummy that the baby grows from in a part called a womb. They know the baby comes out the vagina or a cut in the tummy. But they want to know how did the baby start growing and how is the baby part of the daddy and if I say he put a seed in they will say how

Newname1978

Of course they will! You provided detail so now they interrogate the detail.

WiddlinDiddlin

No idea. But you only have to reassure her that children don’t have babies. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why? They don't need to know a lot of the ins and outs (no pun intended) of sex, but why shouldn't they know it exists and the basics of how babies are made? Especially when they are specifically asking.

You fob kids off with vague answers and shrugs and they eventually don't bother asking you any more.

Knowledge and curiosity should be nurtured and encouraged.

@8paws8legs DS is 4 and DD is five months, he knows that babies come from the tummy but when he asked how to babies get there, I just said it’s a bit of mummy and a bit of daddy mixed together that makes a baby. He was satisfied with this as he knows he is a part of mummy and daddy.