Male privilege: How can I explain to a man why some women are afraid of men?

[IvyBush123]

A make friend of mine talked about male privilege a few months ago or I was trying to explain it to him - but I don’t think he got what I was trying to say.
He was walking down the street in the evening, it was getting dark and there was nobody else in the street but a unaccompanied women who hurried and gave him fearful looks.
My friend is a harmless person, very nice, would never do anything bad to a woman. He was hurt by the fact she seemed to fear him.

I tried to explain to him that most men aren’t rapist but some are and women like to be on the safe side. Don’t think he got what I was trying to say.

“So the point of you being here is to derail the discussion by once again parenting "you're wrong" over and over?”

This was the lie. I have not done this.

"But there is no need to lie, in my opinion."
What's the lie you are referring to?
My impression was you think the statistic of 6%of men being rapists is a lie.
The studies are there, you can read the questions asked and the way the studies were conducted.

The notion of male privilege is bigotry

This, and most of the other things you have said, Streewise are classic examples of DARVO.

Completely unsurprising. Absolute bullshit.

“ I do not hate men. I fact I like most men I knOw - and still I don’t want a man I don’t know to walk behind me in a dark alley.”

I understand what you are saying. I have every right to walk behind you or anyone Male or female in a dark alley if I have a requirement to walk through it. I wouldn’t refrain from doing so on the off chance someone might be fearful.

Thankfully it doesn’t really come up as I don’t really have any need to walk down any dark alleys.

Where does it end? Should I not walk my dog in the woods early in the morning before it’s fully light in case there is a woman in the woods walking her dog?

I honestly wouldnt engage with him, no matter what you post he is intent on asserting that it is wrong.

I'm guessing MHQ agree too as they have deleted several of his posts and posts that have quoted him.

“ "But there is no need to lie, in my opinion."
What's the lie you are referring to?
My impression was you think the statistic of 6%of men being rapists is a lie.
The studies are there, you can read the questions asked and the way the studies were conducted.”

It’s not that difficult to follow, and I have clearly explained it twice.

*Tell him to imagine being in a prison with no guards and 1000 men. All the men are bigger and stronger than him. They are all friendly and safe to be around except one who wants to rape and kill him.

Ask him if he'd be on his guard or totally relaxed?*

Excellent analogy! Tell him this

Walking behind a woman in a dark alley - intimidating, easily resolved by small measures such as not walking so closely behind her or moving to the other wall of the alley so you're still going the same way but not directly following her.

Not walking your dog in case there is a woman somewhere in the vicinity - ridiculous.

Definite DARVO.

Ahh look a man with such arrogance he enjoys displaying his lack of empathy. What a hero you are to all the menz Hercules

Grow up, stop desperately seeking female attention, and go work on your attitude if you ever expect anyone to show any empathy for you.

@StreetwiseHercules I am not telling you what you should or shouldn’t do. Of course you have the RIGHT to walk behind women in dark alleys. I am just telling you how some of us FEEL about it and I would lie if I told you otherwise. If I told you that no women ever was afraid of a stranger that would be a lie.

My late father told me if he was walking behind a woman after dark, he'd purposefully cross the road so he wouldn't scare her.

Someone once asked me what would you do if all men had a 9pm curfew and had to be indoors by 9pm. I didn't understand the question and she said she would happily walk down the street, take a later bus or train, go to the gym late, not worry about going to a night club by herself and drink freely etc.. I was shocked I never even realised these were options and people lived like that, I'm a woman constantly aware of my surroundings, the time,if a place is well-lit, if an area is safe etc.. I then asked DH and my DB if they ever thought about any of these things and they both said no and were quite shocked the thought process I have about everything.

And of course there are men who are afraid of having strangers walk behind them too.

I have no option but to withdraw from the thread now, as posts have been deleted and I do not believe there was any contentious content in them or any breach of rules. At all. I was very careful with my language and am now being targeted and abused for my legitimate and honestly conceived views.

Should I continue I have no doubt I will be silenced.

I wish you all well.

Actually I have to say this trope about strange men being dangerous and women being "vulnerable" enrages me.

With no disrespect to women who have been attacked and set upon when out at night -- I appreciate it must be terrifying and down't want to minimise the effect it must have on you.... this is not what male privilege is about.

It is not even really what rape is about. Rapes and sexual harassment and attacks are far far far more likely to be committed by someone known to the woman: her husband/partner, a male friend or colleague.

The trope of the vulnerable woman out at night is a confection largely dreamed up by society to keep women firmly in their place, ie not out at night with anyone unless its their husband or some other man who has ownership over them in some way. And its a way of deflecting the attention away from the man who has committed the offence by putting the emphasis on situation.

And leaving all this aside, for me the much more significant element of male privilege is the question of the way men obstruct women from achieving equality in society: at work and the division of money and in society and relationships.

The male privilege of being able to walk down a street at night without fear of being raped is a very minor and rather subsidiary part of this larger structural inequality and, as I've argued (and others) is largely a myth anyway.

Sorry, by all means discuss the fact that its upsetting that women are discouraged from going out at night. But please don't paint this as the main point of male privilege. Its the tip of the iceberg.

Nobody would ask you to refrain from going where you need to go.
Maybe cross the road or don't get too close.
Have a little empathy.
Or at the very least don't do what ops friend does and get all ego hurt because some women are afraid of men and take it as a personal insult even though the woman is just reacting in a way that experience has taught her.

Should I continue I have no doubt I will be silenced
DARVO

My DH does that formerbabe or if it's not possible then he takes his phone out and calls me "hi love, I'm almost home, just on xxx street now about to cross over to xxx street so won't be long".

Somebody call a whambulance!

Should I continue I have no doubt I will be silenced

Now you know what it feels like mate! 😆

I just found two messages that got deleted. One from Hoik and one from StreetwiseHercules.

*I found just two...

The one of mine that was deleted was one where I quoted his deleted post.

Oh, I see. I just wanted to say it’s not like all his posts were deleted or he was being silenced. Just two were deleted and just one of those was his.
I was actually happy a man decided to join the conversation.

Unless he hired round with hood eyes and ears shut, I don’t he doesn’t understand it.
Has he really never seen the news, read a paper?