Friend is always 'running late'.

[katseyes7]

FFS. Arranged to go out with my friend today. l've only seen her briefly in the last month, haven't been out together for ages.
Without fail, almost every time we've arranged to go out, l've either had a text saying she's 'running late', 'fell asleep' or something similar. And l can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times she's actually been ready when l've got there. There seems to be no concept of other people's arrangements or time wasted.

Just had a text. "Sorry l fell asleep (? - it's half ten in the morning!) - should (!) be ready for 12.30". Usual time is 12:00, because it takes her that long to get ready. l've been ready to go out of the door for nearly 2 hours.
On one occasion last year, we arranged to go to meet another friend of mine for about an hour (for a specific reason) before she (other friend) went to work. When l arrived at my friends to collect her, she'd only just started putting her makeup on. (Which takes forever. At least an hour). She sat there, painstakingly putting her face on, no hurry, no sense of urgency whatsoever. The result being that by the time she got ready, we didn't leave her house until after the time we'd actually agreed to meet my other friend. Twenty miles away. By the time we were halfway there, my other friend had to leave for work. So l wasted god knows how much time, and forty miles worth of petrol for nothing.

ls it me? Or is it cheeky and bad mannered?
l work. She doesn't. So my days off are precious to me. AIBU to be annoyed, yet again? She's otherwise a good friend.

I really hate this. If she's late she should forego the extensive make-up regime! When my (young) kids are involved we are often a bit late but I always give as much notice as possible and update as and when. Never so long and never without kids. People who flake at the last minute are the worst. I shamelessly cut them out.

I’m glad you’ve cancelled and done your own thing. And you’d be right to cancel on her in future if she says she’s only just rolled out of bed.

I’ll hold my hands up and say my timekeeping hasn’t always been great. But that’s because I’m not great at time management, I’ll admit that (it’s not just my Jamaican genes! ). It’s never intentional, it’s usually because the time I’ve allocated for myself to get ready, I’ve underestimated and not given myself quite enough time. But when I have been late we’re taking maybe 5-10 minutes!

What this girl is doing is a sheer lack of respect. It’s not merely poor time management, it’s sheer laziness and lack of respect for you.

I have a family member like this. It really limits what I can do with them because I couldn’t arrange to see a film with them for example or invite them over to my house because they would be excessively late and it would throw out my whole day. The way I have dealt with it is that I mainly only see her when I visit her at her house. That way her timekeeping doesn’t really come into it. So far, it’s working out quite well this way.

I hate lateness, friend made plan one day with me , I had plans for afternoon so said ok I'll meet you but I have to be back at a certain time she ended up being half an hour late so threw my plans off and wasted the time I could have been doing other things instead of waiting for her to arrive . If it was once or twice fine but every bloody time is so infuriating

It drives me bonkers when people are late. As I've got older those kind of people have drifted out of my life.

When DS was small life had to run to a tight schedule to work. I'd have let's say a 2 hour window to be out the house before food/naps etc had to taken care of. Even now a bit bigger you can't keep a child entertained for ages without it really pissing you off youre going through hell with a bored child just because they decided at the last minute to wash their hair!
There just isn't flexibility with my time for someone who is selfishly late. The odd occasion of nappy explosion, wouldn't go down for nap etc is fine. But for friends without kids who just got distracted and didn't leave the house on time I wouldnt make any effort to make another date I'm not going to waste my precious time on them!!!

I've just thought I do have a family member who used to drive me crazy with always being late. Then it transpired they were suffering from depression. So now I tend to make arrangements that don't depend on them, but which will be convenient for them to join. So I'd say we're going to such and such a place between 10-12 be great if they can join us, can go for lunch after if it works out. Seems to work best keeping it flexible. I guess less pressure on them if are struggling to get out that day.

Maybe she has crippling OCD but doesn’t feel able to tell you.

YANBU! I back out of friendships like this over time. Can’t stand it. So rude.

She's not your friend.

Yesterday she rang to meet up. Sure but let's do it in town so if she's late or something I can keep the kids happy and sort out a few things that I needed to. An hour after she most definitely was going to leave and be on the train... She was just heading to the train station. 10 minutes later is a call of "so I forgot about a different friend who I promised to see so I'm going to see her instead"
@Lillyringlet to be late is one thing.To completely blow you off,cause she got a better off is another.I wouldnt be able to be friends with her after that.

Thats really rude.

Sorry lilly thats not being late that being rude a better offer came along and she dumped you

I used to have a friend like this who was always late so I started telling her we were meeting 30 mins before we actually were so there was at least a chance she would be on time. She did actually confess that she was intentionally late as she “didn’t like waiting for other people “. When I had children I stopped waiting for her as it wasn’t just me that was waiting around, she got a shock when we were going away for the weekend and when I turned up to pick her up she hadn’t even packed so I said “I will see you there” and left 😂

Once or twice is ok. After that speak to friend or stop bothering. Why is her time more important than yours. Answer. It isn’t. I had a friend like this. Late or last minute cancellations. Our friendship was before and then when mobiles were coming in. The excuse texts started to roll then. It was easier before phones. U had to stick to plan and people were less flakey. No way would u have waited more than 20/30 mins for someone
Arrange to meet her somewhere that she has to make an effort to get to. When she’s not there on time just leave and turn phone off. I say this but I would never actually follow through with it. I would Seeth quietly under my breath 😆

Just text her in the morning that you are pushed for time & don’t have time for delays to lunch so please could she make it for 12 this time.

Maybe it will sow the seed that the lateness grates.

She obviously has some health issues as you mention hospital appointments. I can fall asleep at 8:30 in the morning after my daughter as left for school quite easily. I have a chronic condition that makes me really tired and rarely do I feel refreshed when I have slept despite medication for it. However I work and try not to let the fatigue get to me. Does she have mental health issues as well? I’m often late but maybe not to that extent and not if time was of the essence. Had some friends (a couple) who were like this years back. We started going out at the time we were meant to whether they were there or not and they had to catch up. We also tried tell them to be there at for example 6 when we really needed them to be there for 7 but it never worked! Next time tell her you can’t wait, your sorry and you will catch up another day.

sorry, not read whole thread.
Some people genuinely have problems seeing things from other peoples point of view. Try explaining precisely why you hate it. Explain that if she doesn't sort it out, you are likely to give up on the friendship.
Ask her if she values the friendship. Follow through. ( I hate that kind of thing in people who are just putting themselves above me, but I view it differently if someone might have some degree of un-diagnosed ASD ??)