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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be really fucked with inability to sleep at night

296 replies

Reallycantbefuckedtothink · 20/01/2020 05:26

Just that really, I have always suffered with insomnia but since after Christmas, it has gone up a whole new level.

I managed to fall asleep at around 11pm woke up at 11.15 wide a fucking awake and haven't been able to sleep since.

Its really fucking me up, time spent with DS and DP and to be able to do anything at all because I get so tired during the day.

OP posts:
Retroflex · 24/01/2020 20:38

@NewYearsRevolution2020 no no, that is entirely you... Crown Biscuit

PatellarTendonitis · 24/01/2020 20:57

TheQuestion I've seen it really becoming nigh on impossible to get adequate testing done for things like menopause or thyroid conditions unless you pay to go privately. Indeed, some forms of HRT, you literally have to go private to get hold of them. I can see this truly becoming the norm for mostly everything. Again, I think the ADs will be next in the firing line.

NewYearsRevolution2020 · 24/01/2020 21:09

@Retroflex oh dear.

1WayOrAnother · 24/01/2020 21:12

Weighted blankets / gravity blanketss are brilliant for anxiety related insomnia. Worth every penny.

Retroflex · 24/01/2020 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Writersblock2 · 24/01/2020 22:47

I’ve not read the whole thread (I’ll save it for later when I can’t sleep) but just wanted to join. My problem is I’m a night owl working a day job. No matter how much or how little I’ve slept, I get tired around 7 or 8pm for a little while, then I’m wide awake at 11am. If I’m lucky, I’ll be asleep around 3:30am and up again at 6:45am. Rinse and repeat. Occasionally I’ll get so tired I’ll have a super long sleep and then it starts all over again.

I’ve tried all sorts. Bath. Lavender on my pillow (which seems to make my quality of sleep better but doesn’t increase the length), milky drinks, no screen time, exercise, no eating after 8. Nothing seems to work. I’m convinced it’s my seizure meds.

Graphista · 25/01/2020 03:40

@mnhq I agree retroflex's post shouldn't have been deleted - it certainly shouldn't have been left with the deletion message "deleted at posters own request" as that's plain not true.

Graphista · 25/01/2020 03:42

@thequestionspottingmedic I sympathise greatly with all you’ve been through but I’m sure you will be unsurprised to learn it is merely the tip of the iceberg. I believe (I’d say I’m sure a dr will come and correct me but I’m not as drs are somewhat invisible on any threads criticising them) that it’s not just the menopause that isn’t a compulsory area of study but women’s health overall! Certainly I’m fairly sure gynaecology isn’t compulsory and all other areas of medicine are taught on the basis of how MEN present with various health conditions. It’s very very slowly starting to change thanks to certain medics and researchers pointing out things like heart attacks present differently in women but we need much better and swifter improvements.

I had a thread running myself in 2018 on medical misogyny and there were some truly shocking stories on there, and I recently posted on a thread concerning the repeated failure of drs in diagnosing gall stones and gall bladder disease in women and girls.

It’s often not even a lack of knowledge but poor attitude, the assumption that if a patient doesn’t fit the parameters of the most common patients to suffer an ailment then that patient can not possibly be suffering the ailment DESPITE clear symptoms showing otherwise, in the case of gall bladder issues if a patient isn’t “forty, fat, fair and fertile” then they can’t POSSIBLY have gall stones - except there’s a whole thread FULL of women who didn’t fit that category and DID have gall stones.

Reallycantbefuckedtothink · 25/01/2020 04:18

@TheQuestionSpottingMedic and @Graphista

Did you ever follow the news of the male pill?

I found it amazing that because of the side effects they suffered the pill was put on the shelf but yet the woman's pill was not subjected to the same tests, if I remember it was forced out very quickly and considering how many women now have the voice to say how shit the pill is I would love for it to be through the same tests.

It won't and I know this, I now refuse to take it, however it has done little for my insomnia

OP posts:
Graphista · 25/01/2020 10:42

What happened with the Male pill was fucking pathetic! They couldn't cope with some headaches, zits and bloat basically!

Shit the vast majority of women deal with even if not on the pill!

My dad many years ago said honestly he could not cope being a woman, too much pain and blood! And he's no wimp with pain! But he'd seen what his mother, sisters, wife and daughters had been through with having gynae and pregnancy issues.

I get unreasonably angry at the threads on here by posters who've been through hell having a couples children for the man to then wuss out at even the IDEA of having a vasectomy which is a far less invasive and risky procedure than female sterilisation.

Dad had his the week after mum had my sister, their 3rd (and I suspect unintentional pregnancy). His reasoning was mum had already been through loads having and feeding their babies, the least he could do was to man up and get the snip.

See also all the shit women are getting from drs if their partners/husbands request a vasectomy!

Not least the drs are often breaking patient confidentiality by discussing their husbands medical stuff when the women are attending drs for completely separate reasons, it's hugely unethical to pressure women this way.

Don't even get me started on the pushing of LARC for primarily money reasons!

PatellarTendonitis · 25/01/2020 13:15

I also do not think Retro's post should have been deleted at someone else's request; it did not break guidelines and it wasn't at the poster's own request.

YY, Graphista, my faith in the medical establishment here is utterly nil, I'd sooner take up religion than trust a single one of them.

TheQuestionSpottingMedic · 26/01/2020 08:18

Day 6 of HRT so thought I’d report in. Not a completely smooth transition to returning to normal sleep - disappointing but a work in progress. A couple of “my normal” fitful nights sleep but three much better (6/ 6.5 hours sleep).

Prior to being diagnosed as menopausal, the new GP also referred me to a sleep clinic, so I thought I would pass on the advice I received there. (Apologies if someone has already covered this upthread). I spoke to my sleep adviser over the phone on Thursday and euphorically advised her of my HRT prescription. She soon burst my bubble saying that she has patients on her books who are on HRT and still cannot sleep - great! She advised that, as I had experienced 5 years of fitful sleep, I could well have developed unhelpful sleep patterns that still need to be broken. Effectively, I need retraining!

Advice offered by the clinic follows that propounded by Colin Espie. His book is Overcoming Insomnia and Sleep Problems (and is so deathly dull it should have put me to sleep!). This operates on the basis that you should improve your overall sleep efficiency i.e. the amount of time you spend in bed actually asleep. You should only go to bed if you feel sleepy. Therefore you should get up if you are unable to sleep more than 20 minutes after going to bed if you have not fallen asleep. The same if you wake during the night and are having trouble going back to sleep. Instead, go downstairs and spend your time doing something quiet like reading for 30 minutes or until you feel sleepy again. I was advised not to listen to the radio in bed or watch TV/ have screen-time downstairs (as this risked over-stimulating my brain and waking me up further). I must confess that this advice was not something I relished following, not least because my house is blooming cold at night when the heating is off! It also means that, currently, DH and I spend very few waking hours in bed at the same time. No day-time naps are permitted (I wish!).

My bedtime was pushed back until 10.45pm (rather than 10/ 10.15pm) and the time I got out of bed brought forward to 6.15pm every day. The instruction is to get up at the same time every day (including weekends!) regardless of how well you have slept the night before, so as to reset your biological clock. Though a right royal pain in the butt, I must confess that I think that this is working. Whilst I am in bed less, when I do wake, I feel more rested as I think that I must have slept more deeply. The rationale is then to gradually increase the amount of time I am allowed to spend in bed as my sleep efficiency levels improve.

FYI these are some things that I did prior to getting professional sleep advice that I also think helped (whether psychosomatic or not!).

Try not to eat after 8pm.
Sleep with the window open, if you can, to reduce body temperature.
Get Vitamin D, ideally by getting outside during daylight hours for at least 15 minutes a day (without SPF and sunglasses on). This helps reset your biological clock.
Exercise (maybe outside, to kill two birds with one stone).
Take Magnesium.
No coffee/ chocolate / coke or anything else with caffeine in past midday (difficult when you are so tired but drink water/ camomile/ fruit tea instead as tiredness can be compounded by dehydration (admittedly boring)).
Lavender oil on the pillow.
Limit alcohol intake 5 hours before you want to sleep (ideally have none unless it’s a special occasion (annoying - I routinely break this one!)).
No PCs/ phones/ kindles/ TVs in the bedroom - your sleep sanctuary (!)
No PC/ phones/ kindles (anything with a blue light) after 8pm.
When I do wake during the night, I take a probiotic pill (which has lactobacillus acidophilus and bifidobacterium in it). I picked this up from Michael Mosley’s Clever Guts diet book, which said insomnia can be caused by poor gut health and discourages the consumption of processed food. I feel that this helps me go back to sleep quicker. (Mind you, I also went through a phase convinced that eating lentils helped me sleep!).
Good luck everyone!

TheQuestionSpottingMedic · 26/01/2020 08:20

Doh - I get out of bed at 6.15am not pm! Smile

elc19 · 26/01/2020 08:21

I suffered extreme insomnia to the point I could barely function in the day.

Dr put me on a low dose of Zopiclone (3.75mg) I think, took one 20 minutes before bed every other night for a week and got me back into a sleeping routine. I wouldn't recommend for long term use.

I now have a warm bath and a lavender pillow spray and it seems to do the trick x

PatellarTendonitis · 26/01/2020 12:41

I hope the HRT works for you, TheQuestion. All the sleep clinic has offered you is very basic sleep hygiene that's readily available online and a lot of why so many don't bother seeing anyone about their insomnia because many who truly suffer from it have already tried every form of sleep hygiene going and it hasn't improved things. It's one of those 'put up and shut up' conditions. Sad

Reallycantbefuckedtothink · 27/01/2020 02:28

I have given up and much start searching for night work.

Didn't sleep a wink last night, had a nap at 12pm (sunday) woke up at 7pm when my partner and DS got back.

Whole day wasted, now wide awake and thinking what the fuck is the point

OP posts:
MurrayTheMonk · 27/01/2020 03:36

I'm awake too. Worked all day yesterday, got in to bed exhausted at 11, slept till 1-wide awake ever since and now wondering how will make it through work tomorrow Sad

Shockers · 27/01/2020 04:16

Tonight my weighted blanket isn’t working, but I go into hospital for surgery tomorrow, and I think I’m more anxious than I realise. I haven’t slept much all night.

Shockers · 27/01/2020 04:16

Not tomorrow- this morning!

Reallycantbefuckedtothink · 27/01/2020 04:27

@shockers good luck for tomorrow

OP posts:
Shockers · 27/01/2020 04:35

Thank you @Reallycantbefuckedtothink Smile

MurrayTheMonk · 27/01/2020 04:49

Good luck shockers

HelgaHere1 · 27/01/2020 05:16

@TheQuestionSpottingMedic - I am interested in what you do, or what anyone else has done, if you get up in the night as you can't sleep and go downstairs. As advised. Once I get up I usually feel pretty wide awake, even if it's 3am.

And having got up at 3am and probably not got back to sleep. How do you pass the evening when you will be exhausted from the early start. I find it impossible to avoid drifting off in front of the tv or over a book (even if it's a few moments) during the evening and this then reduces your ability to sleep in bed. I go for a stroll round the garden or do jigsaws but it's a struggle to stay awake until the allotted bedtine.

Reallycantbefuckedtothink · 27/01/2020 05:42

@HelgaHere1

I find my problem is once I am asleep, I am asleep till a mouse farts and then I am wide awake. TBH when I am now tired I go to bed, regardless of time (and depending on child and such like)

I know this doesn't exactly answer your question, but basically feel tired go to bed. I find the very act of going to bed wakes my brain up

OP posts:
MurrayTheMonk · 27/01/2020 05:47

I very rarely drop off in the evening before bed ( ie when sitting watching telly for example) but I do fall asleep right away once in bed at about 10.30. My issue is inability to stay asleep for longer than two to three hours.
Sometimes I get up and go downstairs and occasionally I will drift off on the sofa but not often.

I feel really wrecked now. Bit dizzy and shaky from lack of sleep. So fed up of this Sad