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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday going wrong?

164 replies

Straightomyhead · 20/01/2020 02:00

So I'm on a holiday, long haul type, with someone who I've been friends with for quite a while, but our first time away together. Was really looking forward to it until we got here.

When we arrived we needed to pay a £100 deposit on our apartment, which we be refunded and the £12each for the taxi transfer. (I've converted the currently to pounds for ease) Turns out she only brought £12 in the currency with her! So I paid the deposit. She has taken out a small about of cash since but of course it keeps running out meaning I have to pay. (Today she mentioned she had no money after ordering lunch from a beach shack and would need to pay on card. Of course they wouldn't take card)

She also put in no planning for what we are doing, how to get around or any of the language. And just keeps saying for me to do it. Today she had data switched on on her phone and I didn't and still asked me to do it. Eg. Work out the bus route.

I don't know what to do. She now owes me around £70 in the currency. I don't want to lose this friendship but don't want to ruin the holiday.

OP posts:

Equanimitas · 20/01/2020 08:43

When I go on holiday with a friend we keep a running note of what each of us has paid for. We try to keep it fairly even, and on the way home we do a final total and whichever owes the other something pays up, generally in UK currency. Can you formalise your arrangement with something like that?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/01/2020 08:45

@Equanimitas is that not just a massive ball ache? Why don't you just pay for yourselves if you're bothered about things being exactly fair?

She also clearly can't do that if her friend is unable to pay for half of anything and she's already said why she doesn't want to sub her friend until they return home.

KaptenKrusty · 20/01/2020 08:48

Oh gawd - i'd ditch her tbh!

Can't be dealing with people like that

Definitely get the splitwise app so you can track the spending / what she owes you!

For future make sure you have a suitable card when travelling - like a revolut or monzo or something!

I rocked up to Mexico without cash - but went to the ATM at the airport and took out a chunk of cash in Peso's - i would rarely convert any currency before arriving in the Country (worse rates) BUT last year we went to India and it was a nightmare trying to get cash on arrival had to stop at 4 ATM's on route to the hotel and it was 2am - lesson learned - will get enough cash to get us to destination in future!

cut her loose and just arrange your own activities going forward / pay only for yourself - don't buy her lunch just say you only have enough for yourself

sunnybean60 · 20/01/2020 08:57

I know these kind of situations with friends and family too. Most of the time when the situation has been rectified with you getting what is owed back you will be able to put it down to experience. If you want to keep your friendship then it's dealing with it tactfully and explaining this is a first for you too to your friend. It's all part of life because sometimes it's not money but other things in a friendship which isn't equally received and given. If you enjoy your friends company then sorting out the finances in this one will help you plan ahead for other trips and outing s you do together.

skiptheskip · 20/01/2020 08:58

Make your next visit, before you go anywhere else, to an actual bank, not am ATM.

So that she has no excises about only being able to get dollars, the machine not accepting her card, blah blah blah.

Make sure you get all the money she owes you and explain that you won't be subbing her any more.

LEELULUMPKIN · 20/01/2020 09:14

She is a tight Cfer OP and probably skint too. Either that or incredibly thick.

People who are well travelled don't pull this shit otherwise.

Equanimitas · 20/01/2020 09:18

@Equanimitas is that not just a massive ball ache? Why don't you just pay for yourselves if you're bothered about things being exactly fair?

No, it's incredibly easy. It takes around 10 seconds to jot down who paid what when one of us has paid for both. It would be much more faff buying things like tickets separately.

amidaiwas · 20/01/2020 09:26

Well there is definitely a cash machine in the hall just through the entrance at Chichen Itza

Starlight2004 · 20/01/2020 09:31

If you go to the reception of a large hotel they may be able to change the dollars for her. She sounds like a nightmare. I would certainly be making sure she pays you back this morning before you do anything else.

fedup21 · 20/01/2020 09:35

What’s she like paying for things when you’re together/out at home-is this out of character?

BarbaraofSeville · 20/01/2020 09:35

a few places wanting US dollars but not many. And mostly at a much worse rate

Surely everywhere (and not just Mexico, but everywhere else that accepts local currency plus pounds, euros or dollars too) accepts the local currency and if they choose to accept another one, they're happy to accept it because they make on the exchange rate, usually by confusing tourists or business travellers. Of course they're happy with dollars if you're giving them more money.

BinkySodPlop · 20/01/2020 09:54

Re ATMs, iirc, HSBC and Citibank were the least reliable for UK cards, whereas the local Mexican banks seemed to work most if the time. Tell her to ensure she says it's a credit card account, even if she's using her debit card. Good luck, and enjoy Chichen. If you have time, or the will, check out Uxmal - much quieter and you can climb the walls....

Pinkyyy · 20/01/2020 09:56

She's an idiot and you need to get your money back ASAP. And most importantly, do not give her any more, there are ways for her to get money so there's no need to rely on you.

Ghostontoast · 20/01/2020 09:57

I went to Cuba with a group and one of them didn’t bring much money. We were advised to get a taxi at night but he insisted we walk ...some youths ran out of the shadows and snatched my bag - my holiday ruined.

At the airport he didn’t have enough to pay the “exit” fee and had to beg the others for money (not me pal!).

Figgygal · 20/01/2020 10:01

Did she want to go on this holiday? No excuse for her current behaviour though

billy1966 · 20/01/2020 10:07

OP, you are being ripped off deliberately.

You will never see that money when you get home.

You need to be absolutely clear and direct with her.

No food, no nothing until ye have gone to the ATM and she pays you every penny she owes.

Any bullshit from her will tell you all you need to know.

Do not get caught for more than 70 quid.

Once you have the money in your hand tell her she is on her own money wise.

Be firm and strong in this.

No one is that stupid!

Fink · 20/01/2020 10:10

She needs to get the money out, in one go, when there's next a cash point available, and then have it for the rest of the week.

You need to make sure you don't refer to Mexico as South America in front of anyone else!

unlikelytobe · 20/01/2020 10:10

Some people just aren't very savvy about these things. Is she normally a bit flakey and dependent on you to take the lead? I had a BF like this once! It gets very annoying. You'd think she'd get the point after the first time in a restaurant being told no cards accepted.

So has she wised up now?

AngelsSins · 20/01/2020 10:25

I think you just need to confront this. Sit her down and tell her calmly that unless she wants to ruin your friendship, she needs to stop looking to you to sub her because you’re starting to resent it. She’s aware that hardly anywhere takes card, so that means she needs to take out cash, not look to you to foot the bill.

I’m sure she’ll act offended, but explain you budgeted and saved for this holiday, and due to her already owing you £70, you’ve had to dip into your savings, hence the resentment. Ask her if she thinks that’s fair.

Oh and when she asks you to check buses etc, just casually point out that you keep doing it, it’s her turn.

totallydevoidofideas · 20/01/2020 10:26

Everything @billy1966 said!

She is being deliberately stupid and if you don't get the money off her now, you certainly won't when you get back. Be firm and get yourselves to a bank asap. Hope you enjoy your holiday anyway!

mdh2020 · 20/01/2020 10:29

Whenever I go on holiday with my daughter or with a friend we make a kitty. We work out in advance roughly how much money we need and both put money in. All drinks, taxis, food, entertainment and tips come out of the kitty. We even do this if we go with another couple. You can’t do this now, but do it next time, whoever you are going with. It saves so many arguments.

Smelborp · 20/01/2020 10:40

I can imagine how someone used to travelling in Europe might make this mistake, but the reasonable thing to do would be to fix it immediately, not look to a friend to sub you putting them in difficulty.

I would get back what she owes and stay financially (and if needed, physically) separate for the rest of the meeting.

BarbaraofSeville · 20/01/2020 10:48

I'd never assume that I could pay by card, or even cash in any particular place near or far until I'd been there and would make sure I could pay either way.

Some countries much prefer cards, others cash all the way. Even in the UK there's still small independent cafes etc that are cash only, or parking machines that are cash only, or charge extra for cards, so it's best to be prepared.

It's also very tiresome being in the company of another adult who is unwilling or unable to pull their weight in being a grown up.

Original poster

Straightomyhead · 20/01/2020 11:17

I do also have a Monzo Card, so have two ways to pay in case one isn't accepted somewhere.

When we get up this morning. Gonna get the money and then head off to wear we plan to go. I'm going to keep a bit of cash secret now in my purse so I can't be stuff someone again.

Thanks all. I'll update in a few hours after we've been out for a bit

OP posts:

fedup21 · 20/01/2020 11:22

Whatever you do, don’t end the holiday with her still owing you cash-you will never get it back!

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