To insist the kids are not equal?

[Elsielouise13]

Inspired by thread about sitting in the front of the car...

One thing I am fussy about when it comes to choosing seats is in a restaurant. I can’t stand it when children rush to seats ahead of adults in a restaurant and ‘bag the best options’. When we go for meals with friends I’ll always insist to my children they wait til the adults have chosen their seats before they sit down.

Several times I’ve been out with other parents who let the kids decide the seating and then struggle in and out for the duration of dinner.

I’ll be fecked if I’m paying for a meal and miss out on watching the room and get to only see my husband and the wall behind him.

And in our house the adults are the ones doing the adulting and that’s why my children spent most of the afternoon messing about about and I ironed school shirts.

I agree with you. In my household Mummy is queen and decides where everyone sits

DH (who is the breadwinner and is very tall gets the tall massive space), then we have (3 DC who all want to sit next to me) equally massive DC13 who is 6ft and a bit fat, DS11 who is skinny but very obliging and gets left out if I don't look after him and DD who is the smallest but loudest.
Therefore Mummy is fair and gets to choose.

I ALWAYS sit facing the door. I work in an environment where i like to know who's around me at all times, and i really dont like people coming up behind me. My DD understands that and assumes that i always want to sit facing the door. The only time i dont insist on facing the door is when i am out with my DP , who works in the same environment and feels the same way.

A lot of this is just meaningless point-making/power play though. I do agree there are some cases where an adult's comforts and wants might take precedence, but that's not necessarily in all cases. Part of being a kid is sometimes the fun of stuff that we don't really feel as much as adults, such as getting to ride in the front, or sit in a particular seat for a meal out. I like to think that, as a family, we take turns to do the things that we enjoy, rather than impose rules that suggest children are less important than adults.

I love people watching. The best seats are a window table where you are looking at one another but also able to see out of the window.
Maybe I’m nosy - but given this thread and the fact that in my family we always want the outward looking seats it’s obviously not just me!

Do you actually say "Waga"? YADBU.

YANBU. We have issues when we entertain at home and have several guests and inevitably there are some seats that are more comfortable than others. My DNs always jump straight into the ‘best’ seats leaving even their grandparents perched on a stool.

Or they would if I let them. Their parents seem to think it’s fine but I don’t and therefore they are swiftly reorganised.

Auntie Matilda is kind but strict.

This one is just odd😂😂

I was going to say YABU but come to think of it, actually I do agree and regularly do this.

We went out for a meal last night and as the kids rushed to sit down and I said, "DS, please move up one, grandad's sitting here" I also bagged a seat from youngest DD which I preferred too as I don't like my back to the room if possible. I sent her round next to her brother so that I could be sat with my dad and my DH. I also knew that her and DS get along great and would entertain each other together rather than trying to interact seated away at other ends of the table.

I also shifted teenager DD along a seat in KFC today because she took the seat opposite DH that I wanted so we could chat easier.

So yeah, I guess you're right

Adult comfort takes precedence over children’s generally. Children need to learn in restaurants so should practice sitting still, sitting quietly and eating without monopolising adults conversation.

I find this really depressing. Don't you want your children to take part in meals out? Why take children along with you at all if you want them just to sit there in silence? Whenever I went to meals out with family as a kid, I was part of the gathering. I joined in with conversation and was included, not expected to sit quietly and 'let the adults' talk. If you want an adults-only meal, then don't take your kids!

And comfort is comfort. I don't think an adult's comfort automatically matters more than a child's, unless the adult in question is elderly or has physical problems that require a specific set-up. Children aren't inferior beings to adults.

I personally do not care where I sit.
I just see it as a seat blonk yourself down and eat .

I agree op. My kids aren’t that bothered by the view etc dh and I are and we are paying. So they get shifted.

That said our Father’s Day meal was dramatic as family of adult children and elderly father had a massive row on the next table. Dd1 has the best view both kids agog. We realised we hadn’t exposed them to enough rowing at home

Well this is an eye opener. I've never even considered there are some seats that are 'better than others'. What a world we live in.

Meh, my dc don't get up during meals out but they usually sit together. Occasionally they'll sit in a way dh and I are split up but I just say "hey, budget up, I want to sit next to daddy" in a jokey way and dc move. But then I also don't iron.

I'll rearrange the DCs in a restaurant if needed because I'm thinking about the access of the seating, postitioning to supervise/ support DCs (less important as they get older although dyspraxic DS1 sometimes needs help cutting food) and the ability to actually hold a conversation.

There have been times where the seating has been poorly thought of and I've been stuck without conversation because I've been surrounded by children or 6" underneath DH and his brothers' loud conversation passing over my head and cut off from talking to anyone further affield because of excessive background noise and poor acoustics. The last big family meal we had (16 people), I ended up getting totally bored and sitting colouring in with my emergency by the desserts after a couple of hours of shit conversation opportunity. So, where suitable, I'll rearrange the DCs so I can actually enjoy a meal as a pleasant social occasion, rather than being an expensive, long, drawn out tedious way of eating food. It's not that they are inferior, I consider their needs, but I'm not putting their free choice over my ability to have fun.

I'd rather think of it as my child have manners, grandparents or disabled relative get the easy in and out seats a mum and baby) toddler need space for highchair general faffing etc they are young and nimble so can squeeze in anywhere.

Imho it is perfectly possible to bring children up with respect for adults without getting bogged down in petty things like who sits where in a restaurant.

If that’s how you feel then fine but I view it as odd. Yes, I do dine out with other people and families on occasion. No, I don’t give a shiny where I nor anyone else sits. The only time that would be relevant for me is if we have international guests and then we try and ensure they have a nice view if we are dining on the harbour or what not. Apart from that I just grab a chair, any chair and would expect others including kids to do likewise.

I can’t even imagine what you describe - do you go in, have some sort of conference with the other adults in the dining party (where, usually no room in restaurants to do this), allocate seats, sit down then tell kids (who have all been standing where) meanwhile) where to sit?

I agree. Why can't children wait and sit where they're told? Although I don't agree that adults should always have the best seats!

op i think i missed your point completely and still don't know what you were saying... on the bright side, i'm not that interested any more

just for the record, i prefer to think that the teacher is shaking the child's hand, not the other way around. in my world, children's rights are far more significant than adults... children are powerless, they need adults to empower and promote their interests.. not treat them as lesser beings...

ideally, the teacher and child should be shaking each others hands... that's mutual respect, but unfortunately, unlikely...

This is just such a bizarre scenario. What are the best seats? I've eaten out with large groups of friends/families with kids plenty of times and kids of similar ages always want to sit together, and then the adults sit together, with the very young kids in between. I really have no idea what the annoying situation would be here. If you're at a long table, the seats are all more or less the same? If you're on multiple tables, likewise?

My kids are my equals, but I have the authority. That's because they need me to. As they grow up, the reins loosen and they step into their own autonomy, but I don't think we aren't equal. That's not really how we do things more generally. To me, less equal means inferior, and I don't see kids as my inferiors.

I don't know - whatever works for different people. Respect and authority, sure. Equality, also sure. I'm older and more capable right now, but that doesn't make me superior. It just means I have to take more responsibility at this stage, and they need to attend to what I say so I can ensure they're safe, and learning, and growing up well.

Perhaps we just use different words, though, for similar ideas.

This is SUCH a weird thing to get worked up about.

Clearly some of you have rarely dined out with eight other families or visited Waga with 11 people.

Yup, you are right. I suspect the only time I've 'dined out with 8 other families' have been at weddings where there tends to be a seating plan.
(Never been to Waga, with any number of people).

It is going to depend on age of dc, surely?
If there are a bunch of teens, then they are probably best all corralled together. If your dc are pre-schoolers they are probably best near a helpful adult each. Then their personalities come into it and how well they know each other and know the 'etiquette' of where you are eating.

However, you lost me on the leap to TWOCing

I have taught my dd to show respect and consideration for other people, whether they are older than her, younger than her or the same age. A very important part of this has been modelling respectful and considerate behaviour myself, both towards her and towards others.

I do not ever pull rank as an adult in order to get my own way, because that wouldn't represent the kind of values that I want to teach.

I just honestly couldn't be fussed to insist on something so petty in my view. I get it is all about respect and being considerate. I too was raised to give way for the results I would also never dream of sitting in the front seat if my mum is there or will always offer my seat to someone else but I'm just not fussed about my children doing these things for me. They already are polite and well-mannered and what's the point of getting them up when they are already comfortable? It's just not a hill I wish to die on.