To insist the kids are not equal?

[Elsielouise13]

Inspired by thread about sitting in the front of the car...

One thing I am fussy about when it comes to choosing seats is in a restaurant. I can’t stand it when children rush to seats ahead of adults in a restaurant and ‘bag the best options’. When we go for meals with friends I’ll always insist to my children they wait til the adults have chosen their seats before they sit down.

Several times I’ve been out with other parents who let the kids decide the seating and then struggle in and out for the duration of dinner.

I’ll be fecked if I’m paying for a meal and miss out on watching the room and get to only see my husband and the wall behind him.

And in our house the adults are the ones doing the adulting and that’s why my children spent most of the afternoon messing about about and I ironed school shirts.

I never go to restaurants with other families, but if we go with our kids I usually let them sit where they want to, and let them choose first. If there is a bench seat they like that. I consider it a bit like letting them choose the colour of a counter in a board game. If there is a seat stuck on the end ( we are a family of 5). I’d probably take that myself.

This is a very odd thing to get worked up about and I suspect the only thing you're teaching your kids is how to sweat the small stuff.

I normally seat my Dc first, even when quite young. But that usually meant they needed to go into the awkward, restricted room seats at the back of the table. If there were such seats, and if they didn't shuffle up, then they would be told to do so.

If I was out with 8 other families. Then I'd expect the old enough children to be seated together, with the babies and parents seated separately.

I have a lot of friends what can I say.

Possibly posters assessing me as a miserable harridan with an ugly husband are possibly thinking more about their own situations?

And what nonsense that children are ‘equal’.

That’s on a part with Year 11 girls complaining that it’s not fair they have a uniform because the teachers don’t.

Children are people, obviously. But their brains are undeveloped. It is our role as adults to keep them safe, to nurture, teach and love them. My youngest needs me to guide him and I can do that best by not letting him take over.

One minute you let em choose their chair the next they’ll be TWoCing my car!

You alright, OP?

Petty

We always decided seating arrangements with other families we were eating with. Generally children at one end adults at the other so we could talk. No children aren’t paying so don’t get to choose.
Equality isn’t really applicable here. Children and adults have equal value but children don’t get to make the decisions.
Adult comfort takes precedence over children’s generally. Children need to learn in restaurants so should practice sitting still, sitting quietly and eating without monopolising adults conversation.

Usually, it's just me, DH and DS if we go out but unless there is a specific reason for an adult to sit in a particular seat, I can't really see why it matters.

I don't allow my son to rush ahead (for safety reasons above all else -hot food etc.) but I generally ask him where he would like to sit and me and DH choose our seat. It's honestly not something we particularly pay much attention to.

As for struggling in and out throughout the meal -why the need to get up and down so often?

The only time I have directed my son to avoid a particular seat is when we go to a sit in chip shop with my Aunt. The tables are fixed and quite close and since she suffers with MS she finds certain seats difficult to get in and out of so she gets first choice. My son is always happy to do this.

I agree with you . It’s no surprise that children have so many mental health issues now . We are expecting them to be making decisions they are ill equipped to make .
I expect children to sit where they are directed by the adults in the party .

I don't think I'm very conscious of it really - I think sometimes the kids choose how things are and we're OK with that, sometimes we overrule them. I think it's OK to say some things are adult choices, but in that case you do need to decide and be fair/consistent about when and what the kids can choose as they get older.

The mental health issues aren’t linked to sitting at restaurants obviously but more so the whole children are our equals mentality, the world revolving around them , they must never be bored , they can do no wrong etc etc

And some kids are just naughty wee shits in school . They don’t have additional needs , they just don’t know how to behave and have poor manners .

And loving the “snippy” comment, of course it’s my choice about including children in “chores’ or otherwise - but my logic tells me since I didn’t begrudge ironing their clothes, despite the fact flattening fabric is a social convention, I have no need to make them do anything but be children.

Fair enough, I did acknowledge I might be being snippy. If you think it's so important for them to learn rules and not just 'be children,' I would think you could also teach them some basic rules about sharing tasks. Maybe if you brought the children up to help instead of be waited on, you might be a bit more relaxed and less uptight about trivia like seats in a restaurant?

I just go in and sit on an available seat. It wouldn't occur to me to even notice who chose first.

I don't really see why it matters. If anything, I'd have thought it mattered more to the children than adults, as little ones often like to make a big deal of picking out their 'favourite' or 'special' something or other.

If anything, I'd think that children would be more likely to sit with their back to the wall, because:

1. Getting in and out might be easier for more agile people with smaller bodies and legs;
2. Often, there's a low bench against the wall and proper (higher up) chairs on the other side, which older/less agile people often find easier;
3. It makes it harder for them to get up and run around or swing/lean right back and bash people passing by;
4. They aren't going to be getting up as often to go and order, go to the bar, make any specific requests or pay the bill.

Have you considered getting any help OP?

Your behaviour appears very bizarre.

I agree OP - I made my dd move seats in the garden centre cafe earlier as she was sat on the “looking outward” seat next to dh and left me the “Facing the wall” rather uncomfortable bar stool Option. I always go and queue for 20 mins to order the food so I’m going to bloody well sit on my preferred seat!

I don't care where I sit and its never occurred to me that others do so I've never stopped my kids and made them wait to be seated. If there are obvious adjustments for elderly folk or whatever then obviously I ensure they are taken care of first but I'd never have thought of it otherwise. Is this something you judge other parents for if they don't do it?

And reading some of these answers I agree it’s no wonder there are so many entitled little shits these days!

Out with family and you want to "watch the room" what on earth for? are your family so boring you would rather watch strangers chatting or eating, I very much doubt they are, I'd imagine they think your way is odd/boring I certainly do!

I feel like I don’t even think about this when we are out, it’s like everyone just sits somewhere and that’s it 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think this is a class thing tbh.

Jakers! I'm totally with you OP. I like to see what's coming My direction in a restaurant & if dc runs & sits in my preferred spot, I'll say 'sorry honey, that's my seat-move along one'. They will just move because they aren't dickheads & are aware some things the paying grown ups get to decide & basically, they have a pretty charmed life all in all.

One minute you let em choose their chair the next they’ll be TWoCing my car

Yeah because picking their seat is absolutely the start of a slippery slope 🙄

I had no idea there was a hierarchy when it comes to where seats are at the table and who sits in them. All these years weve been eating out and weve all just sat where we like I had no idea we were doing it wrong.

Oddly enough even though theyve just sat anywhere for dinner my nieces are 2 of the politest and well mannered girls you could meet so thankfully no harm done

To conclude then, almost equal split on the vote. Some people missed the point that I was making about my children being dissuaded from rushing with other children from friend’s families to sit before other adults in the group.

When it’s just our family it’s usually a non issue tho actually I also like people watching too and so does my youngest so I might choose a particular seat yes.

I want my children to have some respect for adult friends of mine. Old fashioned? I care not.

And I send my son to a school where the pre- prep children shake the hand of their teacher at the end of the day. They are not allowed to rush into lunch there either.