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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist the kids are not equal?

298 replies

Elsielouise13 · 19/01/2020 21:45

Inspired by thread about sitting in the front of the car...

One thing I am fussy about when it comes to choosing seats is in a restaurant. I can’t stand it when children rush to seats ahead of adults in a restaurant and ‘bag the best options’. When we go for meals with friends I’ll always insist to my children they wait til the adults have chosen their seats before they sit down.

Several times I’ve been out with other parents who let the kids decide the seating and then struggle in and out for the duration of dinner.

I’ll be fecked if I’m paying for a meal and miss out on watching the room and get to only see my husband and the wall behind him.

And in our house the adults are the ones doing the adulting and that’s why my children spent most of the afternoon messing about about and I ironed school shirts.

OP posts:
SaphfireRose · 20/01/2020 05:00

I really don't know whether to be amazed at this, or sad. That people actually think there are 'best chairs' at a table, at home or in a restaurant. I honestly don't know whether to be amazed at the arrested development of adults who think this way, or sad for them that they have not developed past an 8 year old. A chair, is an flipping chair. Unless it is ripped and torn and the others aren't, it makes no difference. It never occurred to me even once, that there were 'best options' when it came to sitting at a table. As a kid, or as an adult and now parent. I find it very strange that those deriding children for sitting where they choose, seem to have less maturity than a child.

A chair is a chair. It does not matter where one sits. Find a chair - any- chair, and sit down. ffs. My kids were far more mature and less highly strung than some of the apparently adults on here whingeing about kids getting a seat before them. You know it's bad when the kids act more maturely than the adults. Confused

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/01/2020 05:24

This thread is just bizarre. Why does an adult need to 'watch the room'?
Are you this controlling in all aspects of life or just the ones where you feel you have authority because or 'under-developed brains'? FWIW your brain sounds under-developed too so if we ever go out for a meal I'll pick my seat first, thanks Smile

legoninjago1 · 20/01/2020 05:57

I agree with you OP. I have a relative who always sticks her child right in the centre of the table. Because she finds him fascinating I guess! It's so tedious and usually creates two separate conversation groups. I make sure mine are always at the end together. Yanbu.

legoninjago1 · 20/01/2020 06:00

I'm talking about all under 10s though. I think it will probably change as they get older.

HulksPurplePanties · 20/01/2020 06:07

YANBU OP. It's a slippery slope. I let my 2 choose their own chairs at a restaurant one day and now they're mainlining heroin. Slippery, slippery slope.

Tumbleweed101 · 20/01/2020 06:08

I get what you mean. I’ve often made younger children sit in the place where they are more contained and so adults can get up to deal with things like going to get drinks etc.

If children are in restaurants they should be sitting still and not needing to get out, except for the toilet. I hate it when children are running about in places like that.

Now mine are older I don’t think about it so much though... two are old enough to go to the bar for drinks instead 😂.

theendoftheendoftheend · 20/01/2020 06:10

I've never thought about it before but I do direct DC to the seats with the least room, especially out with other adults, as they are smaller.

RantyAnty · 20/01/2020 06:29

I kinda get what you mean.

Younger children need to be organised by the parents to minimize jumping around, running off in the restaurant, poking siblings, etc.

Some adults may need to accommodate disabilities or mobility issues. Some may enjoy the people watching which might be hard to do with a 5 year old bouncing around right next to them.

It really isn't so much being not equal but organizing a bit to make a pleasant dining experience.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/01/2020 06:31

@RantyAnty and @theendoftheendoftheend both of your comments are rational. However in the OP it's not about organisation or logic, it's about authority. She makes the children let the adults choose their seats first. She doesn't sit the children in appropriate seats

Rose789 · 20/01/2020 06:41

Urgh my cousin is like that. We went for a meal the other day. Me dh and 2 kids, her her dh 2sc and 2c and another family dw, dw and 2c.
Got there and the Sc sat down at the end of the table. Cousin immediately made the get up and then randomly started assigning seats for everyone. Dh ended up with a toddler- not ours sat on one side and a surly teenager on the other. Surly because he was now stuck between a random adult and a 5 year old.

Goatinthegarden · 20/01/2020 06:53

I get what the OP is saying, but maybe a restaurant analogy wasn’t the best example because few people are bothered about where they sit round a table.

The point being, that children are not expected to behave in a way that shows respect to their elders. I saw three children with an adult female taking up the first four seats on a bus the other day (I was standing). An elderly and shaky man, got up to offer his seat to an elderly woman who had just gotten on the bus. The children didn’t move. He stood, wobbling and clinging to the wall of the bus with a stick in the other hand until I asked one of the children (who was about 10) to stand up. The woman gave me a filthy look.

I don’t have children, but I teach and I have noticed a general inclination towards children feeling that they should never be put out in any way whatsoever. They shouldn’t be uncomfortable, tired, thirsty, hungry or whatever for even two minutes. There is definitely a correlation between this and their parents meeting their every whim and desire (like sitting shotgun instead of in the back) all the time. It’s not always about thinking we are ‘better’ than children, but rather putting them in safe situations where they face (and learn to manage) minor disappointment or discomfort.

Copperleaves · 20/01/2020 07:00

I find it hard to believe that the posters who say they never give this a second thought would ever have/had gone out for a meal with grandparents and just plonked themselves down without checking granny/grandpa had a comfortable seat they could get into first.

FagAsh · 20/01/2020 07:04

I tell my kids where to sit, Shit, even at. Home!!

Partly because they would end up fighting for the best chair. And I can't be doing with that..

missmouse101 · 20/01/2020 07:25

I agree op. You're paying, you choose!

SoupDragon · 20/01/2020 07:30

😂😂

OP: puts forward an opinion
MN: lots robustly disagree
OP: gets arsey

chamenanged · 20/01/2020 07:31

I find it hard to believe that the posters who say they never give this a second thought would ever have/had gone out for a meal with grandparents and just plonked themselves down without checking granny/grandpa had a comfortable seat they could get into first.

Me too, but then you do see a lot of rude behaviour you wouldn't expect.

EmeraldShamrock · 20/01/2020 07:34

Teaching a DC to respect everyone around them not just adults is the key.
Choosing their own chair is not disrespectful it is making choice.

Cam77 · 20/01/2020 07:36

Do whatever works for you...

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/01/2020 07:37

I find it hard to believe that the posters who say they never give this a second thought would ever have/had gone out for a meal with grandparents and just plonked themselves down without checking granny/grandpa had a comfortable seat they could get into first.

Ensuring everyone is physically able to access their seats comfortably is different to making children wait til last.

Of course you make sure those who need specific seats get them first.

If there's a child in a wheelchair you find them the most appropriate space first. Same as if there's an adult in a wheelchair. Not because they're an adult or a child, but because they have specific needs to be catered for.

After that, all seats are fair game.

HelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHello · 20/01/2020 07:44

I've never really thought about it! Bit now I'm reflecting on it, I think when we go out I try and make sure that those who needs accommodating are accomodated first - so ill ask my mum where she wants to sit first as she is weird about the whole seating thing. Next I'll try and make sure the kids are all in an appropriate place - near their friends, but also accessible to me so I can help them with chopping some food, or keep an eye in case behaviour ramps up. If you go out as a massive group (rare for me!), It's a bit of a shame to be right at the very end of a table, but shit happens! As long as the kids are ok, the grandparents happy etc.. that's all that matters to me.

In terms of kids 'bagging seats' - not really ever noticed it to be fair! Except when they want to sit next to someone (best friend, grandma, etc) but that doesn't bother me at all! It's nice they want to sit with their friend etc...?

DocusDiplo · 20/01/2020 07:45

I have not RTFT but agree with your OP! Completely agree and know why you have written this post. It's not about the table seats only, obviously! The whole pandering to children is infuriating.

Dylaninthemovies1 · 20/01/2020 07:46

There are better seats than others? Jeezy peeps. You sound like hard work OP

Grumpos · 20/01/2020 07:54

I agree, my SC and nieces and nephews etc, they’ll all pick their seats spread across the table and yes the adults then have to get in and out of awkward spaces to see to the younger kids throughout the meal.
Last time we went for my DP bday I arrived slightly later with our young toddler to find that I had to sit over the other side of the table between two others and leave my toddler at the end in his seat because the “kids had chosen where they wanted to sit” (I was informed by SIL) I chuckled and said yeah we don’t do that in our house but ok, then spent the next half an hour shuffling everyone in and out of their seats so I could get to DC. Until DP got sick of it and made his DC move around the table.
Does it always matter? No.
Does it matter sometimes and should the kids realise that there are reasons people might like to sit in certain places and that they should be considerate of everyone? Yes

Notverycreatiive · 20/01/2020 07:59

I've never given anything like this a thought, where exactly is the best seat at a table? Do my kids know something I don't? What am I missing out on?

kjhkj · 20/01/2020 08:01

I agree with the OP to an extent (although I don't thiknk about it enough to post about it). If the DC rush to certain seats at a restaurant I will often rearrange them since Uncle Arthur in his 80s really doesn't want to be the only adult surrounded by the children and therefore not able to participate in the adult conversation. Likewise it isn't really on for anyone but me and dH to have to sit next to our 18 month old and deal with all the feeding issues.