Sister living at our flat

[user1464279374]

So I'm in the very fortunate position of living in a spacious flat in London, which I own with my husband (thanks to his family's generosity/wealth, not my own hard work - I'll put that out there straight away!). We have a toddler and another baby on the way end of March.

My sister graduated university last summer and in the Autumn got a job in central London. Having been a struggling graduate years ago myself paying London rent (we are not from the city) I offered (with my husband's I suppose reluctant blessing) for her to stay in our spare room for free. The vague end date for that was new baby's arrival when we'll need a bit more space.

In return there was supposed to be a lot of babysitting, which hasn't really materialised. But I guess that's partly our own fault for not asking much in advance.

She was fired from this job before Christmas and is now job hunting but is still staying with us. After being home for the holidays my husband is not enjoying the lack of privacy now she's back and is itching for us to have our space again (and saying as much quite frequently). I always feel the guilt of 'but I can help, and I wish someone had helped me' but I do feel like she's taking the situation for granted and not pulling her weight.

Her room is always a mess, she's borrowing my clothes, doesn't contribute to general cleaning or cooking, and the reason I'm posting at 4am is she just turned up home from a night out waking me up. I'd asked her to text me before 1am if she was coming back (sometimes she stays with a friend) and she didn't so I locked up. So I wake up to banging at the door and her angry that I'd locked it. No apology. Luckily the toddler stayed asleep.

I just feel like we suddenly have a teenager living with us, and an ungrateful one at that. Part of me thinks she should understand that these things require some give and take, even if they are a favour from family.

Should I ask her to go back to our parents now she doesn't have a real reason to be here, so we can get the flat in shape a bit sooner for new baby? Should I be asking for some token rent? I don't much have the energy for huge arguments that might end up involving my mother who will inevitably try to persuade us she should stay. Should we just wait it out, given it's only another 6 weeks or so?

Thank you - would love to hear what you would do in this situation!

Thanks all. It's painful but I know the only thing I can do is keep my distance like you say. And focus on the amazing family I do have right in front of me!

BEfore removing yourself from the WhatsApp spam group, tell the idiots that there will be no further harassment, and any further slander will be recorded and that woman will need you and your husbands permission to access your property to remove her junk, so she needs to watch her mouth. Family is what we choose for ourselves. Aggressive, entitled dickheads are not welcome in anyone’s life.

Don't feed their drama. Anything you say will be turned against you. Silently mute them. Engage your DH as temporary protector. For example, he could drive round to your mum's to drop off all of your sister's things, he can negotiate when woth them without any involvement from you. He should be instructed not to relay any bitching back to you. You are in the quiet place. Let them tantrum far away from you, all blocked so you have zero awareness of the adult tantrums. Bliss.

Just wait until you have your baby and grandma is demanding her “turn” at playing dollies.... you get to say no and let her know that she can’t be trusted to respect you as an adult or to respect your boundaries.

*but send a photo to show her what a happy, (normal) family looks like. 🤣

If you have time and you are able too I'd bag up all her stuff before she arrives so you don't even have to let her in just pass the stuff out to her in the hall then be done with it all

Is she gone OP? Hope it wasn’t too stressful.

@CaveMum yes she has! Was pretty stressful, and I'd say still not 'resolved' in terms of the relationship, but we have the flat back!

Ah you must be so relieved OP. I know you say things aren't great but hopefully now she is out of your house you will be able to look at her in a different way ie not taking the fucking piss .

Seriously though I hope you manage to resolve things with her.

weldone op, she'll get over it, you can look forward to yournice dc and maybe in time to come things will calm down enough to have a sensible conversation but if it doesn't, it's their loss. mum is probably pissed off because gobby is back home and mum is now stuck with her instead !