Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

[nellyburt]

My friends dd once went to a pirates and princesses party as scooby doo. My friend was busy at work and misread the invite as fancy dress.

Everyone thought it was hilarious and she was the ships dog.

[formerbabe]

Wonder if she's drunk? Kids parties often cause parents to reach for the wine afterwards...

[Groovee]

I'm perplexed by her attitude.

Would love to know what her response is.

[Mesmeri]

55cptartapp

[WhatsTheLatest]

Did you/his father pick your son up from the party? If so why didnt she have the guts to say it face to face rather than a text?

[ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule]

Even if she is drunk, it's still a really weird attitude to have.

[Fruityb]

I’d have so been a pirate!

[dementedpixie]

Did she forget to put on the invitation that only girls could wear ballet outfits and only boys could wear pirate outfits? Very sexist

[mumwon]

when I was a kid I dressed up as a pirate for a fancy dress party … I am imagining what would have happened if someone has complained to my dm - thinks … Take on my dm shade she would have been very politely & deadly sarcastic … sounds like the drunk mother is in to stereotypes. so she probably thinks you are making a trans statement (daft bat) & doesn't get that your boy does ballet & it isn't a political statement … are you in the south or in the Midwest? They are a bit culturally backward there...

[Lucked]

I can be very passive and avoid confrontation but in all honesty I think you have to reply. Never mind that it is a party for nursery aged children but the fact that she feels entitled to send you such a message American or not.

I would send something that lets her dig a bigger hole for herself inviting a reply to explain herself and in honour of mumsnet I might go down the “are you on glue” or “did you mean to be so rude”. She should be worried about seeing you! Work on your Paddington hard stare.

[Echobelly]

Yes, I think factual replies about 'he was dressed in his dancing outfit' are the best thing - because then it makes it clear who is the unreasonable person. She literally can't say anything to that without coming over as being totally over the top.

[KitKat1985]

She's flippin' nuts. I'd be tempted to just ignore the message and don't speak to her again.

[Itwasntme1]

Just thinking , is she perhaps so thick that she doesn’t know there are male ballet dancers? I would go back with

I’m sorry, perhaps you aren’t aware that there are male ballet dancers. I recommend you expand you horizons. Please do not text me again.

[PatsyStone39]

I would have replied with "Wow, that's probably something you should take up with your psychiatrist, because, well, i don't give two fucks. I'm too busy watching Swan Lake with Wayne Sleep. Cunt."

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

I'd have replied

"Eh?"

[fascinated]

Weird attitude, but really common... loads of parents are into stereotypes. I’m not friends with them, but it’s obvious!

[fascinated]

@PatsyStone39 brilliant!! Lol

[user1473878824]

Oooooh she has no idea what to say! I think play it very cool and polite: the invite said ballet, my son does ballet. Send her the amazing Hozier video. “Perhaps you should have been clearer with your theme.”

[NotYourTypicalNerd]

I think how yuo respond depends on how long you have to put up with her. Not sure how the schooling works there but are they going up in grades together at the same place?

I like Tink or Squirrels or Whynot or Flasks texts as responses.

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Is she still formatting a response or maybe she’s thrown her phone in a strop and can no longer reply?!

[RandomMess]

Love your reply!

[MumofTinies]

She probably thinks that because your son recieved compliments from the other parents, it took some attention away from her little darling.

I would ignore and avoid her in future, she sounds unhinged.

[BecauseReasons]

I'd have simply replied, 'You OK, Hun?'

From what I gather, gender roles are more ingrained in the US.

[NotYourTypicalNerd]

Didnt refresh the thread. Great response!

[BluebellsareBlue]

My first was quite tame but I'd really want to send "ho! Fuckwit. What's occurrin? Can't boys be ballet dancers? Are you on glue? Do you need me to come and rap your puss for that text? In Scotland you'd have got a fucking slap for that you poor excuse for a human!" But then I'm Pissed and scottish...